Is it too late to be a better owner?

[sniffablecow]

Before you read what I am about to say, just know that I have not abused the rabbit or starved her, but just don’t feel like I was offering the best relationship and care with her and truly want to improve instead of giving her away because I know it isn’t fair for her to have to leave a home she is already happy and comfortable in.

So, I believe I partially neglected her during a hard time for me. Not saying this was an excuse, but I was depressed for about 3 months and was also anxious. I was having a tough relationship with my parents and I was just not having a good life at the time. During that period of time, I didn’t interact with the rabbit a lot. I would go to her room every day to to give her hay and water, and would pet her for a bit, but that would take 30 minutes probably. I got less consistent in feeding her pellets and veggies and slowed down in changing her litter box to one week or one and a half weeks when it used to be changed every three days. 

The sad part was that she was always happy through this whole time. Every time I did see her, she would run in circles and do binkies and stuff like that. It just made me feel even worse. 

I have already begun being a better owner just by spending more time with her and changing her litter box more often. Is it too late for me to be a better owner, or should I just give her to someone else?

[sarahthegemini]

Posted By sniffablecow on 10/28/2017 10:02 AM

Before you read what I am about to say, just know that I have not abused the rabbit or starved her, but just don’t feel like I was offering the best relationship and care with her and truly want to improve instead of giving her away because I know it isn’t fair for her to have to leave a home she is already happy and comfortable in.

So, I believe I partially neglected her during a hard time for me. Not saying this was an excuse, but I was depressed for about 3 months and was also anxious. I was having a tough relationship with my parents and I was just not having a good life at the time. During that period of time, I didn’t interact with the rabbit a lot. I would go to her room every day to to give her hay and water, and would pet her for a bit, but that would take 30 minutes probably. I got less consistent in feeding her pellets and veggies and slowed down in changing her litter box to one week or one and a half weeks when it used to be changed every three days. 

The sad part was that she was always happy through this whole time. Every time I did see her, she would run in circles and do binkies and stuff like that. It just made me feel even worse. 

I have already begun being a better owner just by spending more time with her and changing her litter box more often. Is it too late for me to be a better owner, or should I just give her to someone else?

Depends if you’re going to neglect her again if you go through another ‘rough patch’ If the answer is likely yes, then she deserves a better, loving home. If you can commit to providing her with everything she needs, then no it is not too late. 

[Remus & Ruby's Mum]

As unfortunate as it is that you went through those things and weren’t the best owner to her, I think it’s great that you’ve recognized that and are ready to change! 

I think it’s definitely not too late! 

The only thing I would say is, do you think something like this could happen again? I also have depression and I know that it isn’t something that just comes once and never comes back, but mine doesn’t stop me from taking care of my buns (mostly I stop taking care of myself but I digress). If your depression is severe enough that you stopped taking the best care of your bun, and there’s the possibility that it will happen again, I would recommend giving her away. To someone who knows about rabbits of course and someone who is willing to put in as much work as they need.

But if you think that you’ll be able to rise above even when you’re going through a hard time, when the depression inevitably comes back, and you’ll be able to give your bun the best life you can with lots of snuggles and a clean litter box, then it’s definitely not too late and your bun will be happier staying with you, someone she already loves, than having to get used to a new person. <3

[Bam]

I’m sorry to hear you’ve been depressed. It’s never too late to be a better owner. Rabbits don’t dwell on the past. They live in the present moment to a much greater extent than humans.

[SuperBunnyto]

I’m so sorry you went through a bout of depression. Depression can hit hard and be all consuming, no matter what prompted it.

I agree that it’s never too late to be a better bunny care taker. However, I also agree that it is important to understand your relationship with the world at large when depression hits. The thing to remember is that rabbits (like other animals) can be of great help during down times, but they are sentient beings that require care and affection. When you don’t take care of them they can get sick and suffer physical pain.

In making the decision to keep or give away your bunny, consider the following (and these are questions for you, you don’t have to answer them here):
– Is your depression cyclical?
– Do you have a support system, sort of like a buddy or pal, that can come help during your down times?
– If you don’t have a support system, can you create one, or make a plan of what to do in case this happens again?

I hope things work out for you and that you and your bunny have many years of happiness together!

[Mikey]

If she is making your depression worse, it might be best to rehome her and not get pets until you are able to get your depression more stabilized.

(I say this as someone with depression, anxiety, panic disorder, and PTSD)

[jerseygirl]

You already are showing you’re being a better owner just by addressing this. One of the hardest things can be to reach out for help. It may be especially difficult for you if your relationship with your parents is strained. I have the same questions as SuperBunnyto

– Do you have a support system, sort of like a buddy or pal, that can come help during your down times?
– If you don’t have a support system, can you create one, or make a plan of what to do in case this happens again?

Or do you have an income so you could have a pet sitter attend her or even have her boarded somewhere if need be?
You might feel better if you put some things in place incase you have a depressive episode in the future.

I do hope that if you find having her is also beneficial for you, that you can make it work.

[Bladesmith]

I suffer from depression. I’m the adult survivor of childhood abuse. I’ve had PTSD since I was a child. My platoon used to joke I was the only soldier to join the Army and bring his own PTSD instead of getting it issued to me like the rest of them.

And I go through those rough patches you describe. And yeah, it’s a living hell. One thing I did early on is resolve, above all else, was to make sure that my animals came first, and that they didn’t suffer from my problems. Sometimes it’s incredibly hard, but I manage. I think.
It’s…..a challenge. Typically, when I feel one coming on, I make sure my support system (Mom, mostly. I don’t actually have any RL friends, and I don’t let my daughter see my depression) is in place, make sure I have supplies for the animals in place (Because I don’t feel like facing the world on my worst days.), and take care of the animals every morning before I even make coffee.

And then I sit within my circle of pets, and let their unquestioning love and affection (Because animals KNOW good people from bad) remind me that I AM a good person, and worthy of love (Even if the rest of humanity can’t see it. Or me.).

And this is probably the most open I’ve ever been about this subject in my life.

[Deleted User]

Blade smith, I just wanted to say how heart warming it is to hear how much positivity you get from your bunnies and I think it’s really admirable of you to share your story. This is such an important point to bring up because I believe anybody who is struggling for whatever reason should try to find at least one thing they can find joy in, and these little creatures really do bring so much joy. You’ve really highlighted how much they have to offer in a persons life.

To the original poster, I think it’s really brave to put yourself out there and admit you’ve had troubles. I genuinely think you can gain so much from putting the effort in with your bunny. It’s clear you’ve felt some guilt about how she has been treated so far and I can only imagine this may contribute a little to your down days. I know everybody has different problems and by no way am I saying the welfare of the bunny should be put in jeopardy but I think both the well-being of you and your bunny can be enhanced by taking small steps at a time. You might find you start getting in a better routine and you will have a reason to get yourself out of the slump you feel your in. It might be tough at first and some days may be harder but I think setting yourself a small “challenge” to do each day for your bunny will give you a small sense of achievement and make you feel better one day at a time.

[Starla]

When it comes to depression you really should see your rabbit as someone who can help you. I have been depressed and I always hated being alone because it felt like I wasn’t needed since no one needed me during that alone time. My cat doesn’t need a lot from me but my rabbits do. Ever since getting my rabbits I think of them as my kids they really need me. (Yes my cat does too, but I live with my mom and she can feed them and we share litter box duty for my cat and her cats so the need wasn’t so much present). Anyways, since getting them I love being around them whether I’m alone or not. I love how excited female rabbit gets when I give her veggies and how excited they get when they get time out of their pen and are binkying around and coming on the bed for pets. Even when they don’t need me to take care they get excited when I get home and when I pet them and when they can get out of their pen. It feels like I’m making them happy since they need me which makes me happy. My rabbits have worked better than any medication and I got them not knowing they would do so.

I know many people when depressed don’t want to do anything but rabbits can really be a good thing for depression if you take a better outlook. Depression is feeling like you aren’t good enough or wanted or needed and so on. Your rabbits think you’re good enough (taking care of them) and need you. You mention you’re having a tough relationship with you parents, I see you feel like you are doing the same to your rabbits. Instead, take that relationship with you parents and let it determine you to be a good parent to your rabbits. I hope you don’t become depressed again, but if you do please try to look at having a rabbit as a positive and not an inconvenience but instead something that can help you.

My rabbits are my support system, maybe yours can be too? Hey they don’t talk but that is one negative. It’s like having kids and what keeps a parent going. Doubting yourself isn’t good. BE a good parent to your rabbits, DONT TRY, you will run into days maybe where aw I forgot to do something or what not but just don’t let it be more than a day or two the most. Know yourself. Also from my experience when I’m sad it feels like they know cause they do the darn cutest things. When I cry (yes i cry, I am very emotional and a movie will make me go into full blown tears for a hour, hint: boy in the striped pajamas) my female usually comes up on the bed and gets all in my face. And so happens my cat seems to know as well. Maybe instead of not going into their room, stay in it. Bring your stuff in there to make yourself comfy (it seems they don’t live in your room). If the room they live in is not a private room and you want to be alone maybe bunny proof your room and have an extra litter box and hay holder, a water dish on hand so you can set up a quick room for your rabbit so they can come in there with you (if that isn’t to much work, but I promise being around pets in general makes you happy, I’ve seen studies.)

On a personal note:

Depression is normal but if you seem to get depressed again a psychologist or therapist can help. I never wanted to because i thought depression isn’t large enough to get help or I’m not “that” depressed but I promise they are there for everyone even if you’re just having a bad day they will talk to you. They are great councilors and no problem you are having is to little if it is affecting your life. They will be your support buddy and you can do when you want and they can help you. Also, if you do please get one that can’t subscribe meds, because their “solution” will be meds most likely and if you have one that thinks you need meds, you can say okay i want to try it and they will refer you to a doctor or you can decline (usually psychologist can’t give you meds). They can offer other steps but remember only you can find the solution. 

Through therapists I kind of found what made me sad or depressed and that is why I feel like rabbits have helped me. I didn’t get them for being depressed but as I look back, they sure as hell helped me!

Also, never feel guilty. It happened, and you are sorry about it. Just try not to have it happen again. Look at it as a learning experience. There will be times where you may slip up as an owner, I have! Just don’t make the slip ups discourage you which you seem to be doing. Also, try to not have the slip ups be for a long period of time next time because then it can become a problem. I think you’re capable of fixing your mistake and can come up with a better alternative if you get depressed again. If you’re thinking “wow i don’t like my parents” which happens its part of life, make sure that your rabbits are thinking “wow I love my parent/you”. 

[Mikey]

“BE a good parent to your rabbits, DONT TRY”

This is exactly the quote I live by when it comes to my depression/anxiety/PTSD and my bunnies. They literally need me in order to survive. Without me, they have no hope to survive. I provide their food, their comfort, their grooms, their place of living, ect. They need me. Because of that, even on days when I cannot get out of bed, I force myself to get up anyway and care for them. I let them explore their room for hours, I pet them, I make sure their hay is stocked full with fresh hay, and I refill their water. I might neglect the rest of my chores (doing dishes, getting clothes washed, ect) but atleast I will know my babies are cared for and happy. Because of that, it helps me feel better. And of course, like Bladesmith said, my bunnies know when something is wrong. Their love and care for me when they know something isnt right also makes me feel so much better. So much so that all three of my bunnies are my certified Emotional Support Animals

[LittlePuffyTail]

Late is better than Never.

I also deal with a lot of mental health issues and I agree with what’s been said, bunnies are great therapy. I can be sad and feeling really down or just having dealt with a bad case of anxiety and, if I go lay on the floor and cuddle one of my bunnies, I just can’t be sad for that moment. They are so full of love and they absolutely can tell when we are sad or anxious and need a friend.

[Deleted User]

I suffer from severe depression and my husband has severe Tourette’s. Our buns come before us always, even in bad times. We make sure they get their 6am pellets and their 7pm greens, as well as unlimited hay and water. We make sure they get 2 hours each of time outside their cages. They are our heart and soul. Honestly sometimes our only reason for existing is to give them the best life possible. We say it’s not about us, it’s about them.

[Deleted User]

I think this is one post that pretty much everyone agrees on.

It’s not too late, but you should consider the likelihood of this happening again.

I was diagnosed with depression when I was 11 years old, when I told my mother at that age that I didn’t want to live anymore. I’m now 22 years old so I have been dealing with this for a very long time. I know how it can just make you lose interest in everything that you used to enjoy. For me, depression is constant because I’m not someone that believes in medication. I try to do things I enjoy, even if I’m not enjoying them at the time. It’s important to push yourself through it and understand that you still have these obligations to your rabbit. Changing litter only once a week is unsanitary, and only spending 30 minutes petting her daily means that she could develop an illness that you are not immediately aware of. I know it’s hard, but you have to have something to live for or you can be swallowed whole by feelings of depression. Trust me, make yourself do things you enjoy and make a real effort to not just shut down. Our mind is a very powerful tool that can cause us great trouble, but there’s power in positivity.

Like many others, my buns are my source of comfort. I’m actually going through a very depressing time right now because I needed to rehome one of my buns. It was devastating. I tried to bond them for a while, but they seemed to be getting along even worse the longer that I tried. I had to split my time between them, I was very stressed because my apartment was always a mess, and my chronic back pain has gotten so much worse from having to hop over baby gates that were separating two free range buns. While the decision was best for all parties, I am absolutely devestated at losing the little guy. But I find a lot of comfort in caring for my other bunny. When I feel overwhelmed by the sadness I just spend time with her and it makes me happy to see that I’m making her happy.

In short, if you don’t think you can pull through these episodes and maintain your responsibilities to care for your bunny the way that they need, I think rehoming will be better option. Of course, if you can learn to seek solace in bun and let them help you through it, I definitely say you should keep him/her since you obviously care for them and their wellbeing.

[Deleted User]

Just to clarify, I’m not meaning that medications don’t work for some people. But medications are not a long term fix. The fundamental issues causing you to feel that way have to be addressed and understood. I have tried tons of different medications and none of them helped me. You have to change your outlook, your attitude. In my opinion, if you can’t change those things then medication won’t help. I’m still depressed to this day. Every day I have these feelings and sometimes it’s more overwhelming than others. But you have to take it all in one day at a time. You have to make a conscious effort that no matter what you feel like you can’t accomplish today, you’re damn sure going to try your hardest.

I turned to substance abuse when I was younger and I ended up getting myself arrested and charged. My life has been 1000x more difficult than it needed to be because of that choice. Every day I am faced with the fact that I am a disappointment to my family, to myself, and to my husband. I can’t live in nice neighborhoods because I can’t get approved when it comes to background screening. It took me a year to find a job that was not in a fast food restaurant, and I only got that job because of a personal recommendation from my sister who wanted them to hire me as her replacement. I could sit here all day and tell you of how many things I have to be depressed about every single day. But instead I chose to overcome that. I am working hard at my job, I am going back to school for a professional degree and I don’t know if I will even be able to get a decent job because of drug charges on my criminal record. But? I’m doing it anyway. What have I got to lose? Lots of debt to pay off, sure. But I have a 4.0 GPA. I am working hard. And I choose to believe that my efforts WILL pay off, and I WILL get a good job, and I WILL make a better life for myself.

A bit personal and sorry about the reference to drugs. But just know that things could always be worse if we choose to believe it.

[Fluffykins]

You’re an inspiration bun noob.

Love and peace to everyone else on this thread struggling or having struggled with personal issues.

All people face issues at some point in their life, all people can go through what some of you guys have gone through so… just love and peace to you all.

[LittlePuffyTail]

Our mind is a very powerful tool that can cause us great trouble, but there’s power in positivity.

Well said. Despite my many mental issues, I always try to stay positive. I don’t know what I would become, otherwise.

[Vienna Blue in France]

Group hug everyone. Group hug

No SC, its NEVER too late to change, is the short answer.
You may have to make more of an effort but that what we hoomans are good at. Change and adaptation.
You CAN do it.

[Author]

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