my beautiful bunny boy went too soon…

[potatorabbit]

I never posted my bunny here before, I always wanted to. the reason I want to post here now is that I want to say thank you to the users of this forum. because during my rabbits illness I read many threads here for advice. thank you for that, it was a great help and helped my boy too.

my beautiful rabbit gamja (or potato in English) was battling ear infection and developed stasis because he went off his food on the last few days (he ended up refusing hay in the end etc) and his poor body was tired from balance issues and rolling. we battled for almost 9 long weeks. he was so tough the whole time right until the end, my poor boy. 
we brought him to the two rabbit exotic vets available where I live. it happened after he was neutered at the 1st vet. a week later he had a slight tilt, nothing severe and he was doing well in general. it happened the day we brought him back to get his stitches out. the vet said it might have surfaced from stress from the op but we couldn’t know. we started him on meds for ear infection and EC parasite. he did the full course of EC meds, he didn’t have it so it was ear infection most likely. he kept getting worse slowly. vet said to keep him on the meds so we did. we took him to another vet almost 2 weeks later for a 2nd opinion. this vet was much closer to home so it was easier for gamja in the car. we tried different antibiotics. we saw some improvement and he started eating hay again, but after 2 weeks his health slipped. he battled for 8 weeks. he is such a strong little rabbit. I feel like I failed him. I slept next to him on the floor on bad nights and tried whatever I could find and afford. some points we ended up broke with no food but we both agreed that it was worth it. I’m very lucky to have my partner who feels the same way about it. I read vet manuals to try and educate myself on this illness. it seems I didn’t do enough… I can’t help but feel I failed my boy and it kills me.

I knew one night ago he was ready to go… I always said if he is fighting I will fight too. he seemed that his body was giving in and I couldn’t handle seeing it. I hope he wasn’t in too much pain. I stroked his head and told him how much we loved him until he went. I hated seeing him suffer for even 1 second, it kills me, the memory keeps replaying. I feel a failure. I wanted to give him so much more love, and make him happy until he was an old man rabbit.
 I wanted to adopt a friend for him soon when I could earn more money I promised him. I feel sick that I couldn’t complete that promise. 

I love him so much. my partner adopted gamja for me as a gift, I’m living away from my family in a foreign country and I have trouble settling in. he knew I was feeling lonely when I was in the apartment by myself and knows my lifelong love for rabbits so he kindly got him for me. I was in love when I saw gamja and he did so much for me. I could talk with him all day and he gave me confidence, laughs, love and comfort. I just had him for 5 months yet it feels we were friends for life. I am so grateful to my little guy and I miss him with all my heart. I just want him back. I can’t bear to move his things yet. I left everything how it was yesterday. I can’t believe he was so young, I wanted to grow older with him, I had so much more love to give him…

We buried him together on a mountain next to our building. I always said I wanted to hike up there to take gamja to dig there when I bought a harness for him, so I chose that place.
We put in a bowl full of his favourite food and treats and his grooming brush and towels that he liked. I couldn’t leave his side for a long time, it was too hard to even leave the house to hike up there to bury him, and even harder to hike back down and go into the empty apartment.

I lost pets before in the past and felt terrible. but this is hitting me extremely hard. I just want my boy back even though it’s selfish. I wish he is running on the rainbow bridge with friends and free of sickness and pain. I hope when I die I can visit him too, I want to hold him again.
I know I need time to greive, my partner is being a big strength to me too, I just feel incredibly alone and in pain. so I have also come here to seek some comfort, please any stories or words of advice I would greatly appreciate.



thank you so much for reading. 

gamja please rest in peace, your mama and papa love you forever, you are always our special bunny boy. thank you for sharing your love with us.
 

[Bam]

I’m so very sorry you lost Gamja. It seems like you did everything that could be done for him. He was very dearly loved and I’m sure he knew that. You didn’t let him down, of course. The ear infection might very well have been brought on by the stress from the neuter. It’s as a rule caused by bacteria a healthy rabbit carries in its nasal cavity. When stress challenges the bunny’s immune system, these bacteria get the chance to multiply. They can enter the ear via the ear trumpet.

Ear infections can be very difficult. Because it’s inside the skull the antibiotics must penetrate bone to reach the bacteria. You did get him appropriate treatment and after that there’s really nothing a person can do except hope that treatment will work. I’m sorry it didn’t in Gamja’s case. Thank you for sharing his story with us.

Binky free ****Gamja****

[Luna]

Please don’t blame yourself. You did all you could for Gamja – love and care, a second vet opinion, alternative treatments. He looks very happy and handsome in those pics, and the mountain you picked sounds like a wonderfully peaceful resting place.

Binky free Gamja

[potatorabbit]

Thank you so much for your kind words. I had no idea rabbits carry this bacteria in their nose even if they are healthy…

Thank you for letting me know all that helpful information, it helps to soothe the pain in a way. I remember I also read so many posts you made on others threads about ear infection in the past and gained a lot of useful information about my boy, thank you so much for that too.

[potatorabbit]

Thank you so much for saying that. I think the intense sadness is causing me to feel guilty, my mind can’t fathom why I couldn’t save him, when I loved him so much, I’d try anything. I hope I can come to terms with it, for Gamja’s sake. I want him to rest easy now, I know feeling guilt won’t change anything for my boy.

Thank you again for your kind words. They really help us.

[Author]

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