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Last Post by RabbitPam at 11/23/2010 3:01 AM (9 Replies)
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User is Offline AbbyGirl
923 posts Send Private Message
11/06/2010 3:29 PM

I'm not sure what to say exactly.  I'm just not dealing well without Hugo.  I know it probably doesn't help that I haven't talked to anyone in detail about what happend.  I don't want to talk to my husband about it.  I don't want him to be even more upset than he already is about it.  He's not home much and I don't want the time we spend together to be sad.   It also doesn't help that I really didn't have time to be sad.  I just had to keep going since we were moving and I was still working on the house.  I have good days but I have more bad days.  Sorry to bother everyone.  I just don't have anyone else to talk to.  I just seem to be getting more and more depressed about it the last few days. 

User is Offline Petzy
Northern AB Canada
Forum Leader
5938 posts Send Private Message
11/06/2010 3:42 PM
I know how that feels. When my Mops died in August I never processed it, I just kept on trucking. I could not stand looking at my other three rabbits without him there so I got a new rabbit fast. I didn't bond to the new rabbit until only now. I feel better about Mops, though. I can't change that he died but I have to focus on the happy stuff, like my new rabbit and all that. Time makes it better.
Photobucket "what happened? did something happen or can I just go back to my hay?"

User is Offline AbbyGirl
923 posts Send Private Message
11/06/2010 4:02 PM
I think part of it is the way he passed as well. Sometimes I just replay the whole thing in my head even though I don't want to. I love having our foster boy here. It helps me to know I'm giving him a good home until he finds his forever home.

User is Offline lashkay
1548 posts Send Private Message
11/07/2010 4:05 AM
Let yourself grieve. It takes time to grieve and it takes time to heal, but you wil, both. As haunted as I was by Buddie's last hour, now I rarely remember it and only think of the good times, thankfully so many. And so it will be for you too. Before the healing only my feeling my grief, and time were able to bring, I, too, replayed over and over the agonizing sight of my bunny unable to come out of his final seizure for more than an hour. Grand mal seizure victims have reported that they are completely unaware while they are having a seizure, don't remember anything afterward and don't experience any pain while it is happening, it only looks like they are in horrible pain while they seize, to those witnessing it. I felt better at the thought that it is probably true for animals as well and it was much more horrible for me watching him and imagining what he was experiencing than it was for him. The discomfort you imagined Hugo was experiencing before his passing was much worse for you as you imagined it in your mind than the actual experience was for him probably. And the time your bunny was unwell or in discomfort was mercifully brief compared to the very long lifetime he had of health and happiness with you from feeling your love, just a drop in the vast ocean of good feeling and happiness he experienced from your kind caring and love. And he knew you were with him and felt your love when he was near to crossing the Bridge and it meant everything to him.

You're also blessed in feeling love for Rhine. He'll help you heal too. HUGS

User is Offline Beka27
Cleveland, Ohio (USA)
16043 posts Send Private Message
11/07/2010 2:17 PM
It doesn't sound like Hugo had a very memorable life before he came to you. It doesn't matter whether you had him for 6 weeks or 6 days... he was LOVED. No bunny could possibly ask for more than comfort and security and a warm, loving home. You gave him that. What if the day he died was really just "his time to go"? I am so thankful he passed away under your care rather than in a shelter that might or might not have really cared. I know it's hard, but thinking about the good times and what you gave to him will help you heal.
Meadow..... Photobucket ...... Max, my angel bunny

User is Offline AbbyGirl
923 posts Send Private Message
11/07/2010 2:37 PM
Thank you. I know he was happy, loved and well taken care of. I've just been missing him something terrible lately since things are starting to slow down. I know if was his time to go weather it was a mistake or not. I'm not upset about that. It was just meant to be. I'm more upset because I keep reliving it and waking up in tears from dreaming about it. I know he was in pain before he passed. I had to hold him while he gasped for air and he let out a few shrieks before he passed.
My pastor's wife is coming over tomorrow to talk with me. Hopefully that will help some.

User is Offline Sarita
18886 posts Send Private Message
11/07/2010 2:59 PM
All I can do is give you some virtual hugs. It's hard and hopefully as the days pass, you won't feel so sad.

User is Offline AbbyGirl
923 posts Send Private Message
11/07/2010 3:15 PM
Thank you

User is Offline MayaConsuelo
396 posts Send Private Message
11/07/2010 9:18 PM
So sorry you're going through this. It's the hardest thing. Since I have my cat Misha with a serious health condition, it's making me very morbid and I can't stop dwelling on this stuff either. I'm either going to have to have her put to sleep (I've never been present for that before, and I can't imagine anything worse) or she'll die of a heart attack at some point and I'll just find her dead when I come home one day. I don't know which is worse actually. I guess, as hard as it is, if you're with them at the end it's better. Hugo knows you were there for him and even if it was bad, he wasn't alone. Whereas if he dropped dead alone, you'd never know what he went through or if you could have done anything, etc. It's kind of a lose-lose situation but if you're there in the end for your pets, at least you supported them spiritually (you really did, and animals are really so sensitive to spiritual matters.)

This is tough, there's no good or easy answer. Try not to think of his last hour, obsessing over that will do no good. You really can compartmentalize and push away thoughts with persistence. Try to focus on your kids, Hugo when he was healthy, and your rabbit you're fostering.
Sometimes I get sad thinking about Mr. Bun-Bun when he was in a worse situation, tiny cage, crazy owner (even though she took pretty good care of him), and then being in the clinic when nobody cared for him but me, I feel bad putting him through that, I could have taken him home right away and given him a better life faster instead of keeping him in limbo, in that tiny cage, for a month.

But seeing him now, he's so joyful and exuberant, I doubt he even remembers that time of his life. He probably would only remember it if he was back there. I really think some animals live in the moment and can forget their entire horrible past and have a great time in the present, and it sounds like that's what happened with Hugo. Some animals can get depressed and be really affected by the past, especially larger mammals. But I don't see that in Mr. Bun-Bun, rabbits bounce back with ease! I think it was enough for Hugo to have that great time with you towards the end of his life. Too bad it couldn't be longer, but he wouldn't have thought of it that way.

User is Offline RabbitPam
South Florida
Forum Leader
11069 posts Send Private Message
11/23/2010 3:01 AM
(I just deleted a spam reply. Sorry for the intrusion on your sad post. People who spam Support posts are the lowest of the low. Thank you whoever sent the alert.)

Even with understanding how much you gave to him, as Beka wisely said, you are going to be processing the grief for a while. It eases up, but it takes however long it takes and you can't rush it. Also, if you have had losses of another in the past, sometimes you grieve harder because you didn't fully grieve once before. Someone told me it's like a paper clip chain. One upset can be pulled up, and many others linked in you life pull up with it, so that may be adding to the bad dreams. I'm so glad you have someone to talk to in person.

I found Spockies cries his last night and day very disturbing as I tried to help him. But I can honestly say that I have to try very hard to bring back that memory and my ears just won't let me hear him crying anymore. However, I can still feel him happily in my arms all the days we spent together in health and happiness, so you will bring yourself comfort in memory eventually. It does take time.
SPIKE, my snuggle bunny (aka Spikey Marbles)
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