Since Bella Bunneh…

[Aminah Undone]

 Since Bella Bunneh left for the Rainbow Bridge.. with my heart in tow… I haven’t been able to function very well.. well.. that’s putting it mildly, I’d say. My heart is still broken from her departure.. and I don’t foresee that feeling going away.

As some of you know, she was a “hard case” rescue from a very cruel dump scenario. She had that horrible fixated “war zone” look on her face, when I met her. That look that really isn’t a look.. it’s a non-existence… a wish for death or something. I guess she could’ve been diagnosed with severe PTSD, if that is even possible in bunnehs. 

It took her weeks to have an expression… to let her personality shine through.. to FEEL something. But, when she finally escaped that “war zone” grasp, she really shined. She was so full of love and joy.. binkies.. bunneh’tude…. she was full of it all. And I felt so blessed to be her human. I still do.

Her illness and death came as such a shock and surprise, I think that’s part of my continued dysfunction. It wasn’t expected. She was perfect one day ..and dying the next. We did everything we could for her, but I still feel like it wasn’t enough. I know in my heart that the many Vets that she saw during her recovery… not just one of them.. but too many of them let her down.. they let us down. When we asked to have full blood panels done, they weren’t done. Life saving lab work ..I’m still so angry… those tests and screens and titers and whatever else…. all those things that could’ve revealed the assumed death sentence. If those simple tests had been performed, we may have known she had kidney disease….. and we may have been able to administer maintenance meds and therapy to keep her healthy and comfortable a little while longer. May have. God only really knows.

So, like I said.. she was fine one day and leaving quickly the next. It was awful. All of the poking and prodding and medicines and illness.. I still pray that she forgives me for all the horrible, painful things I had to put her through ..to try and save her. I hate to think the last thing she remembers about me is, needles and syringes and bitter, stinky medicines. It breaks my heart.

She left this world, in my arms.. her last seizure… with me telling her it was okay to go. I told her how sorry I was and how much I loved her and wanted her to go and claim her brand new body, for massive binkies and partying with all her new bunneh friends. She was crying her bunneh cries and I was crying my broken hearted human cries. And she was gone. 

 

Forever in my heart.. Bella Bunneh  

 

[Monkeybun]

Oh no!

Bella had been sounding like she had been doing so well! How heartbreaking to hear she has passed…

My condolences to you and your husband, binky free beautiful Bella.

[mrmac]

I am so sorry to hear about Bella. She was such a sweet girl once she came out of her shell. She knew you loved her very much. She was very lucky to have found you after all that she had been through. Binky free Bella. (((Hugs)))

[jerseygirl]

Oh this is a shock! I am so sorry. I was heartened to hear of the relationship that built between you and Bella. What a gift! Things are likely still raw for you but I do hope soon you come to realise what you gave her. I’m certain she has forgiven you for the treatments during her last days and knew it was done out of love.

I’m also happy that this girl came out of the warzone and into your home. You understood her well and gave her the type of life she deserved. Aminah, I hope you will feel some peace soon. *Binky Free Bella*

[Lintini]

I am so sorry to hear this, but she was so very lucky to have you in her life. I am sure she knew you were trying to help her and she loves you for that. Bink Free Bella! {{Hugs}}

[Barbie]

Oh my goodness. Poor Bella. And poor you. i’m so sorry for all that you’re going through right now. You gave her a second chance and a new life and LOVE. And that’s the greatest thing you could have given her; although her time with you was short, she knew you loved her. ((((Hugs!!)))))

[Karla]

Oh, I’m so very sorry to hear about you loss. We all know the pain you are feeling. But you mustn’t feel bad about the things you put her through at the end. You were fighting for her life and she knows that. You had been there for her all the time and only showed her love and trust, so she knew she could count on you.

Binky free! Jack will meet her in 5 hours and let her know she was a lucky bunny to be loved so much.

[Monkeybun]

I’ll light a candle for Bella, and one for Jack in 5 hours.. lots of BB buns heading to the bridge lately

[Sarita]

Oh, I’m so sad about this! Huge hug to you. After all she had been through she was lucky to have someone as caring as you in the end. I will light a candle for beautiful Bella to help her cross the bridge.

[Aminah Undone]

Thank you for the kind words, everyone.. they are much appreciated. It’s hard for me to grasp that I am still so tender hearted about her departure. It’s been a few weeks, actually. Some days are easier than others.

I still “see” her in the hallway, about to run a Binky Marathon.. or I’ll get a glimpse of her about to head butt me for lovin’. The first few nights were the worst, as I would “feel” her hop up on the bed with me and snuggle in, near my feet. I still don’t sleep much.

Of all the animals I’ve cared for over the years, and there have been many… Bella Bunneh definitely wrenched my heart right out of my chest and took a big piece of it with her when she left me…

[RabbitPam]

You gave her such a great gift by bringing her back to life and learning to trust again. She learned to be truly happy with you. No matter how long her life with you was, you made it special for her every day, and if she remembers anything about you, it will be your total love and nothing else.

Kidney failure was what took my cat, and it is fast and hard to detect, or treat really, until it’s too late. She went quickly and sometimes that’s not so bad.
She was in your arms (I held Spockie during his last cries, then as he passed) and that’s the most comfortable place for them to be when it’s their time.

Grief takes a while. It can be almost physically uncomfortable for about 2 weeks, but then it moves on to memories if you let the recriminating self-blaming thoughts go. And when you sensed her in the bed with you, she was trying to comfort you in your grief. Try to focus on fun images of her playing and snuggling. She’ll always be your special girl, but we never replace them in our hearts. It’s like we have a heart that’s a house with rooms. Everyone has their own room, we just keep adding on as it gets bigger and bigger with those we love. She will always have a special place with you.

[wiseleyd]

Ohhh, no, I am so sorry! She was a beautiful bunny!

[feeona]

im sorry

[MimzMum]

I am so saddened to hear that Bella has passed! ((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

This is much how it was for Shadow (my husky) and it was shocking to see how quickly illness took him from me, from all of us. It’s been a month now and I am still having trouble dealing with it. I made the mistake of asking the vet if we could’ve done something for him if we’d brought him to her sooner and she unfortunately said, “Maybe.” That’s not something you necessarily want to hear. But upon discussing it with my own doctor, he did say that if one has to choose one’s method of passing, that kidney failure is one of the less difficult for the animal to experience. It doesn’t make it any easier on us, but one has to find comfort where one can.

I will light a candle for dear Bella. And I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Bless you.
http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/message.cfm?l=eng&cid=10612686

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