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BINKYBUNNY FORUMS

Forum RAINBOW BRIDGE I Can’t Belive Her. Oh Wait, Yes I Can!!!

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    • MirBear
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        my mom  wants me to get rid of hershey and twix. because were always arguing about them!! i hate her!!!!! she gets mad at me because im trying to be a responsable pet owner. and then wont let me talk when i try and make a point because she thinks she’s always right!!!! like the cages she thinks well why would they sell them as bunny cages if they werent sutable housing for them? meanwhile twix is getting overweight because while im gone they over feed her and hershey is dead bored because they took the toys out of her cage and left them in the tiny cages for 2 weeks!!! my mom always says stuff to keep me quiet just so that down the road she can say no to it!! NIC condo’s and keeping them in the base ment for example, she said we’d keep them in a spot in the basement on the concrete and once we were “settled in” then we’d go get nic grids and make condo’s. now weve been living here for a month and a half and their never aloud in the hose and i cant make condo’s for them. and i cant tell her any of this because whenever i bring it up she either tells me to “stop while im ahead” or just to “stop complaining or i’ll get rid of them”    and i asked her to at least comprimise because ive given up alot with them and she said just the fact that you have them shows ive comprimised alot. its so unfair!!!!!! i cant deal with it anymore. i dont get along with her anyways but i need her permission to do everything and she uses it to her advantage to overall get what she wants.  this problem is alot deeper than just having the bunnies. if i did what she wanted and got rid of them then she’d find something else that she doesnt like. what kind of parent does this to their kid!?!?


      • Sarita
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          Mirbear, I’m sorry you are dealing with this. I have to say however, you have always known your mom’s feeling about the rabbits and she’s been honest with you about it. It’s impossible for us to know why your mom is doing this, but I’m sure she has her reasons. If money is an issue, it’s probably because she has to put family first before the animals. Money matters alot, it really does and if it’s a matter of paying rent and feeding the family, that comes first.

          I know for you all of this doesn’t seem fair. I know I felt this way many times about my parents but now that I’m older I understand why they made the decisions they did.


        • MirBear
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            it would be great if i could blame this on money but i can’t unfortunatly because money at this time isnt a big issue. if she would just agree to it we do have the means to make condo’s. and the whole thing of not wanting them in the house. it just annoys me. we had the perfect spot for them, they were out of the way, and there was a window right there for light or fresh air, but she ruined all that when she said they would never be allowed inside the house. ever. now that spot sits empty while my bunnies live in an un heated un aircondition garage in tiny store bought cages for the rest of their lives or untill i move out. oh or if she decides to enforce me getting rid of them. after she said they could live in the house and we’d make them condo’s then went back on it all like she always does. thats how she got me to agree to moving into this stupid house. and i cant even talk to anyone abut it because i have no friends here and im not allowed to leave the property !!! im isolated, and the 2 friends i do have – my bunnies – she wont let me do whats best for them!!


          • Deleted User
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              miranda, I feel what you are saying. It is so hard to accept a parent’s wishes when those wishes are based on a different understanding of the subject matter. What concerns me in your post is that you say you can’t get in a word to explain yourself. Seems your mother is preoccupied with other things and I’m sorry about that.
              can you sort of schedule an audience with your mother, a set time where you are allowed to speak your mind? Then you could start by asking to make a condo in that garage even, it can be a neat setup for them. Or, ask for a temporary basement housing permit for the rabbits for your birthday to show her that it can work.
              About not having friends… I used to do the Big Brothers and Sisters when I lived in ON and it is a great thing. You could think about trying it out! Your school can set it up for you: either you can get an older (adult) mentor to be matched with, or you could get a younger kid to meet with regularly to help them with stuff. You might meet really cool people.~


            • Sarita
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                I think Petzy’s idea about Big Brothers and Sisters is a great idea. Petzy is there a website or a contact that you can give Mirbear? I highly recommend this for you.

                I know your Mom has alot going on – it’s hard at your age to understand her worries and concerns and I know she has many. I know she loves you too and she’s looking out for you. Your Mom is really not your enemy, but I know it’s hard for you to see this now. Hugs to you.


              • MirBear
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                  lol let me clarify, i have friends but we just moved to a new place so at the moment i have no friends because everyone in my new area is like 60.
                  and my mom wont let me talk because she doesnt like talking about bunnies. :\


                • MissKris&Koji
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                    Well at least you have everyone here to talk to about the problems with the bunnies – I know calling your friends where you were living or getting it out here is not the same as getting to hang out with someone and vent. But I’m sure you know everyone here feels for you and wants you to have happy bunnies too.

                    They are, at least, safe it sounds like in the garage. Perhaps if you feel like she is trying to do this to get her way, you could try to compromise? Offer to do more around the house, or something to make her life better. If then maybe in exchange she would allow you to move them into the basement, or at least set up the cubes in the garage. Sometimes you have to take the high road and even when you feel you are right, go to somebody else and be humble and suggest a compromise. It can be frustrating, but at least more productive than a standoff like you are in now which is achieving nothing except to make you all more mad at each other.

                    My other suggestion is that maybe you should ask her to explain her feelings and why she does not want to do the things she said she would. Again, you would have to take the high road here, even if you feel you are in the right. Perhaps if you understood what her hesitation is, you would have a better chance of coming up with a solution.

                    I don’t think it sounds like you are being unreasonable when you try to talk to her, but it is really hard to know how it may seem to her. She may just be stressed out right now because of the move or totally unrelated things, so before you go blaming her I would try to find out what the cause is here. Parents often keep things that are bothering them from their family, so maybe money is an issue, or maybe it is something else. We are all just human and none of us are perfect, so I would suggest trying to give her a chance and negotiate. Even if you don’t get an improvement in the bunnies situation, it may make both of you feel better.


                  • MirBear
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                      she said she had comprimised with me by even letting me have them. so unfortunatly that didnt wwork. she thinks the bunnies are unsanitary apperently. so that the reason she wont have them in her “new house”


                    • Sarita
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                        Well if she feels they are unsanitary perhaps you need to clean their cage more often.

                        Honestly, it does sound like she has compromised by letting you haven them and it’s up to you to make sure that you keep your end of the bargain.

                        If it were me, I would clean their cages every single day and then once a week do a very thorough cleaning. I totally understand that your mom wants to keep the new place fresh and clean – nothing wrong with that.

                        I have 5 rabbits and I clean their areas twice a day by vacuuming their area and giving them fresh water. I probably don’t change their litter as often, every 4 days as I would for one or two rabbits if I only had that many.


                      • Beka27
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                          I’m sorry you are not seeing eye-to-eye with your mom. Unfortunately, sometimes these things happen, and as the adult, she does have the final say. Living in a garage, for the most part, they are still protected from the elements, and I know you take very good care of them, so they do have it much better than many rabbits. This may just be the best you can do for them at this point.


                        • MirBear
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                            they get cleaned 1-2 times a day (if i clean them in the morning and their cages are dirty by dark i clean them again (twix -.-)
                            thanks beka, and thank you to everyone who’s replied.. i have a bit more perspective on it now than i did yesterday, thank you.


                          • Otti
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                              Hi,

                              I’ve never posted before, even though I’m planning a post to introduce my new bunny soon, but i had an idea I thought might help you.

                              Maybe you could think of something that you could ‘trade’ in return for your mother being more understanding or compromising even more with regards to where the bunnies are kept.

                              I’m not sure what your grade situation is, or whether you already do chores at home or are of an age to have a job like babysitting. However, maybe if you bargained with her that you could bring the bunnies inside or at least make condos for them in the garage if you finish the school year with a certain GPA or something, or instead say that you’ll do certain chores in return for better housing for your pets, she might be more open to considering that.

                              You could even put it all down in a ‘contract’ lol seems kind of funny but I actually did this with my father when I was in middle school. I really wanted parrots and I made a contract with him that if I behaved all summer he would get some for me.

                              hope you find a way to communicate better with your mom!


                            • jerseygirl
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                                Mirbear, would your Mum be supportive of you doing some casual work where you live now? You could have an independant income to do the things you want for the pets. In a new place there may be new opportunities for work and it’s a good way to meet new people too.


                              • Deleted User
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                                  Well, Mirbear, I’m glad to hear you are already feeling better! But I had thought of the Big Brothers not just to make friends, but to also get you involved in something in your new area ~ If you ever feel you want to try it here’s their site.

                                  http://www.bbbskw.org/en/Home/default.aspx


                                • MirBear
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                                    im not nessisarily concened about involements and such quite yet, im amazing at making friends and getting involed and only 2 weeks untill i start school, but i will deffinatly keep that in mind


                                  • Deleted User
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                                      I understand. I have no doubt that an outgoing person such as yourself would easily make friends! Keep in mind, though, that sometimes, parents like to see things like involvement in stuff… it will score you high on the maturity chart


                                    • Lintini
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                                        I am glad things are getting better for you, I know this is so hard on you. Everyone here has said many things that could work and are very supportive, I hope things work out for the best and you get to make those condos inside! I used to post on the guinea pig forums, they started groups about womens health and my mom was going through menopause and omg we were fighting everyday over the most stupid things and didn’t get along at all. It was TERRIBLE. She didn’t speak to me for 2 weeks when I spent the day with my dad’s parents that just moved from hawaii that DAY over her mom and dad from only 3 hours away. 2 entire weeks. Even my boss at work was calling me to check on me because I was such a stressed out mess. My mom has come around to the rabbits, my dad has not. I really do understand how hard it is and I just hope you get through it okay! I am sure you are nervous about your new school but excited too! When I first meet new people I ask them if they have pets and then work my way into telling them about my bunnies! Just hang on, things will get better! *hugs*


                                      • mocha200
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                                          i can understand how hard it is, for i am constantly telling my mom why they should be inside. and i would say about once a month my mom gets really mad about the rabbits and they are extremely close to being put out side. i know how hard this can be and overwhelming.

                                          don’t give up!


                                        • Kyoshi
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                                            Can i suggest rent? Tell you mother that in excange for 1 week of bunnies in the house you will do 3 extra chores. Or, try to get your mom to bond a bit with the buns (Crazy I know, but hey, might work!). Dont get on her nerves. You might end up going to college and your mom getting rid of the buns altogether. I know its frustrating (My Parents are NOT animal fans) and my moms the same way. She wants me to put my guineas in my closet, or sell one of them. Everytime she offers a problem i give a solution, then, guess what, another problem! Ugh. I wish you the best of luck.


                                          • MirBear
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                                              Lintini, my mom JUST started menopause, like in the last few months :\ and we never got along to begin with, so things have been EXTREAMLY difficult.
                                              as for a new school im not nervouse lol i dont mind the change.


                                            • Deleted User
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                                                I find this menopause talk a tad insensitive… there are members on here of all age groups. how would you guys feel if your actions were blamed on PMS~


                                              • MirBear
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                                                  oh, sorry to all of whom that may of offended.


                                                • Beka27
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                                                    I’m honestly surprised your mother let you get a 2nd bunny if the 1st was such a source of conflict. While not ideal, there is another option for a potential compromise which may work. Your mother may be more receptive to housing ONE bunny indoors. Would you be open to finding a new home for one of your bunnies and working with your mom to bring the other bunny inside?

                                                    Kyoshi brings up a good point too, depending on what the future holds for you, you need to have a plan for when you are older and going to school. It would be easier to make arrangements for one bunny. I don’t usually advocate people giving up their rabbits, but especially with Hershey’s recent health scare, you need to keep both of their best interests in mind.


                                                  • Lintini
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                                                      I am talking about my own mother, different woman handle it differently and I didn’t mean to offend anyone but it happens so I don’t know how it is insensitive. I really don’t see how saying I had family troubles with my mothers health condition offends you but whatever. I’m really done with it.


                                                    • FluffyBunny
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                                                        I’m very sorry you’re having this trouble. I know how hard it is when your parents don’t support what you want to do, especially with rabbits.

                                                        Could you possibly just get a few minutes when she’s in a good mood to talk about it? Show her examples of how good your bunnies are with the litterbox. Tell her how you clean the cage every day. Show her info online about how clean bunnies can be, and how rare it is that you’d catch some disease from them. Show her pictures of indoor habitats that are clean and look good. Most importantly, stay calm while you talk to her about it – if you get upset, she might get the wrong impression. If all else fails, you could always try to make her bond with the rabbits a little! My parents became much more accepting of my rabbit after they saw how sweet he is.

                                                        Good luck!


                                                      • MirBear
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                                                          unfortunatly fluffy bunny i have tried most of that, for example, i sent her an e-mail everyday for a month listing benifits of spay/neuter. thats when she started threatening to get rid of them. my mom likes hershey to an extent, but we’ve had hershey since she was that tiny little ball of fluff that was just too cute. she overall doesnt like them much.

                                                          Beka, ive had hershey for a long time before i knew anything about rabbits (or well i know now i knew nothing) by the time i found this forum i had had another rabbit named kisses along with hershey, hershey originally belonged to my little sister who took horrible care of her, and just recently (last month or so) she’s been given to me, twix i got in december, after i had been told to re-homed kisses, so anyways point being, my mom at the time. didnt mind hershey so much, and let ME get my own bunny. since hershey is the long time resident. i’ve been trying to sway my mom and i have opt’d about getting rid of twix, but she wants them both gone, so everytime i try and comprimise by saying i’ll give one up she just sais why dont you save the hassle then and get rid of both then?

                                                          with her there doesnt seem to be any chances of a win-win or even a comprimise. even my dad (of whom my bunnies have taken a likeing to destrying his his and only his house) lets them stay inside, and he was raised on a farm where rabbits were meat not pets!!

                                                          i used to think of my mom being so compassionate for animals! she worked at a vet clinic when she was a teen and wanted to be a vet for crying out loud!! i have lost all respect for her in that era since we have gotten these bunnies.


                                                        • Beka27
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                                                            Well, regardless of what happens, remember that you won’t be a teenager under their roof forever. It’s probably not much consolation right now, but before you know it, you’ll be an adult and able to make your own decisions.


                                                          • MirBear
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                                                              lol and i can’t wait. i was born in september so im one of the youngest students in my grade, there for i’ll be 17 when i graduate highschool so i get to move out younger :]


                                                            • Monkeybun
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                                                                Don’t be too eager to move out.. it gets expensive. Wait til you’re out of school, and have a decent, non-minimum wage job to do so. trust me! lol


                                                              • LoveChaCha
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                                                                  Ditto.

                                                                  You don’t want to move out right away. If you find a good paying job, do it. But if its minimum, you can’t live off of that. It sucks, I know it.


                                                                • MirBear
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                                                                    when i finish highschool, i plan on going strait into university and i plan on getting an apartment not living in a dorm. no matter how close the university is to my moms house. i cant stand living here unfortunatly.

                                                                    Anyways i talked to my mom today, and the closest thing to a comprimise i could get was, if i keep one bunny, she will “consiter” building a hutch and pen outdoors. witch means. i would keep hershey, obviously. and she would live in a hutch with a pen attached, all year round, untill she dies or i move out, whatever comes first.

                                                                    This is the best “comprimise” i’ll get for a bigger living space.


                                                                  • Kyoshi
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                                                                      You are willing to give up Twix?


                                                                    • MirBear
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                                                                        i am willing to give her up, to the right home of course.
                                                                        don’t get my wrong though. i love twix dearly but hershey’s very special to me. and if it comes down to it, i hate to say it but i would choose her over anything.


                                                                      • Monkeybun
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                                                                          Personally, Mirbear, when you go to universtiy, go to a dorm. Apartments are expensive, especially if you are a full time student. You’ll have rent, utilities, groceries, transportation costs… it adds up, quickly. Dorm living isn’t that bad, my hubby did it, and he’s still great friends with his college roomies. He made a ton of friends that he wouldn’t have, had he not lived in his dorm, and he’s had those friends for over 15 years now.

                                                                          Some dorms do allow pets… small ones like bunnies anyway. Look into it.


                                                                        • MirBear
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                                                                            monkey i deffinatly will… i’ve been told that their expensive though.
                                                                            omg i cant belive its going to be only 2 more years… wow. it seems like just yesterday i was in kindergarden i miss kindergarden..


                                                                          • jerseygirl
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                                                                              Mir, I caution you not rehome one because there might be a chance of getting what you want fot the other. If history regarding your rabbits tells you anything, I think you might be disappointed. You opened this thread saying your Mom wanted you to get rid of them because they were always the cause of your arguments. It might have been something said in the heat of the moment. Is she actually wanting you to get rid of both of them or was this a vague threat?

                                                                              If I were in your shoes, I would not even bring up anything about the rabbits with your Mom except when it’s absolutely necessary. It’s obviously a sensitive topic for reasons you don’t know nor may ever know. I really think your best bet is to make the best of what they have and make your own improvements on that when you can. They have good shelter, lots of attention from you and a nice yard to exercise in.

                                                                              If you can get an independant income, you can work on making their habitat more comfortable. You’ll have some freedom to do this if it’s your own money. Is there an opportunity to do that? Even if you need your Moms permission to do this, I would broach it with your wanting to have some independance and not have to ask her for money for things. You needn’t specify that you might be spending money on the rabbits if you think she would disapprove. Not that I’m advocating keeping secrets from her…..just thinking the less you bring them up with her the better. In time, you never know….she might be impressed by your efforts and want to contribute. 

                                                                              That’s how I would go about things. Though I KNOW if I was your age I WOULD be having arguments too!! I remember all to well going insane not understanding my parents reasonings for things – mostly because they would just say No and not always specify their reasoning. *Sigh*


                                                                            • MirBear
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                                                                                yep, she wants me to get rid of the both, if i gave her her way they’d be long gone by now, and she wouldn’t care where they went, even if they were for meat she wouldnt care.
                                                                                i’m so confused…. since we’ve moved she wants absolutly nothing to do with the rabbits. not that she was overly interested in them before we moved, but at least she let them in the house and would even go up and pet hershey or something. now i get in trouble for even having hershey on the porch.

                                                                                i really wish she’d just let me do what i wanted to do with them, then she could see its really not so bad.
                                                                                like ive set up the x-pen and had twix in it and showed her, she was coming around to it then twix started being territorial about her new space and my mom turned around and said, i dont want them messing on the floors. i tryed to explain about them being territorial, but she didn’t belive me.


                                                                              • Lis
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                                                                                  Monkey, I live off campus – and can honestly say that my apartment is about half the cost of living on campus, even after factoring in utilities. I don’t have trans costs, because my house is a block from campus. Also, my 80 meal a semester plan was $994, the 3 meal a day plans were about $2500. Mine averages to $8.45 a meal, once I factor out the $300 set aside by my plan to be spent at chains inside my university. It’s much cheaper to cook my own food. My boyfriend says he and his roommate buy about $50 in groceries each week to share, and they have no meal plans.

                                                                                  On the flip side, Mir, many schools require you to live on campus your freshman year. And many schools require you to have a meal plan if you live on campus. Unless you’re a transfer, like I am. See if there’s a Community College near you. Dual enroll and see if you can rack up 30 credits there when you finish with high school. Then you’re a transfer.

                                                                                  I must find these dorms that allow bunnies. I’ve heard of dorms that allow fish and hermit crabs, but never bunnies.

                                                                                  I say keep your babies. If she’s not willing to compromise, you shouldn’t be either. It sounds like if you give in any, she’ll ask you to give even more.


                                                                                • RabbitPam
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                                                                                    Hi, Guys,
                                                                                    I just want to add a gentle reminder that the Support Center is really for those who have just lost a bunny, or one is in a dire illness and things are imminent. I can see why Mirbear posted at the prospect of losing her bunny, but it’s helpful to post those kinds of questions in the Q&A section, so you will get more immediate answers. This section is more for condolences. We found that many were posting a loss of a loved one in other sections and not getting their posts noticed, so we put them here so we are sure to offer our support to those who are grieving.

                                                                                    Also, be certain to read the date of a post before replying. It’s possible that a post over 2 weeks old has been resolved, or has been updated in a newer post. It pulls up an older situation and can be confusing. So read the dates before you reply. If you want to check the person who posted to see if they did an update anywhere, just click their name with their avatar and look at the list of posts they’ve made in their profile.
                                                                                    Thanks.


                                                                                  • MirBear
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                                                                                      Thanks RP.

                                                                                      Lis, it was nice to read your post, the university i want to go to is in waterloo. wilfrid laurier university. Anyways that about a 10 minute drive from my house. and if i dont get into there or if i choose a different proffesion in the next few years then i’ll probably be going to university of waterloo or conastoga collage. also very close.


                                                                                    • Kyoshi
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                                                                                        I can of course understand your “favoratizim” I would definetely chose my baby guinea over bean (no offense bean!) As I love them both, but hes more dear to me. Can you get a “foster” situation? maybe you can get a friend to foster twix, then when your ready, you can take him back. That way, in the end, you have hershey and twix, and you dont need to worry about mom. Heres a website on getting your pets into a dorm, http://www.bestcollegesonline.net/blog/2010/10-tips-for-students-bringing-pets-to-college/ . I hope this sorts out. I wish i could help more! right now i wanna hop in the car and drive over, and scream at your mom until she lets the buns in


                                                                                      • MirBear
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                                                                                          Kyoshi, thats a great website i’m going to store that. i’ve still got 2 years before uni :\ (please come faster!)
                                                                                          As for fostering, i just moved recently and have no friends in my area, and all of the friends i keep in contact with all have dogs that dont mix with small animals. : \ so far i’ve worked it out a bit to my liking . were buying a dog run off of someone (when ever they decide to show up, its been like 2 weeks) and i’m going to seperate it down the middle then they’ll each have nice big cages, then within a few weeks i’ll hopefully get a job and will then pay for spaying them. my mom isn’t happy.

                                                                                          i talked to her a few minutes ago about getting a gym membership and she totally freaked -.- she makes me move away from my highschool, the area i grew up in and all of my friends. she confines me to the yard like a 2 year old, ( not like she didn’t do that before) and when i talk about staying fit she says you have to keep up with that ( i used to jogg everyday plus my last highschool had a gym) and now i can’t jogg, my school doesnt have a gym i can’t take my bunnies in the house even for play time without getting yelled at. i’ve given so much and she wont give me anything. it makes me want to cry..

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                                                                                      Forum RAINBOW BRIDGE I Can’t Belive Her. Oh Wait, Yes I Can!!!