Just getting so frustrated…

[beaumont]

Hey, all,

I am such a terrible owner, but sometimes when I am trying to make sure my bunny is happy, I just get so damn frustrated and need to leave to the bathroom (we live in a studio apartment) to calm down. I’ve worked with horses for 6 years and am so used to being able to read them like books; Their mannerisms and attitudes were clear and understandable for me. I’ve also worked with dogs, who wear their hearts on their sleeves and are also incredibly easy to read. However, my rabbit is not like that. I can’t tell the difference between utter joy and outright terror. I’ve spent hours and hours and hours researching every little thing and nuance, yet every time I think I am making headway with him, he starts acting bizarrely again and I feel like I am moving backwards. He licks me when he is nervous, he desperately tries to get away from me sometimes only to jump away and start licking my legs and feet, he begs to be out of the pen but will cower when he is, he poops in lines across the floor rather than piles in the box, he will nudge, lick, and climb up on me but sometimes bolt when I try to pet him, will not let me pet him unless he is CONSTANTLY licking my face…I just get so overwhelmed trying to ensure his happiness that I get angry at myself. I’ve got him every toy under the sun, hidey houses, litterboxes, I’ve made him digging boxes, plastic castles, digging mats, EVERYTHING, and yet he still chews on the bars and carpet out of fear, or ignores it all to anxiously lick me. He has nine hours alone every day, so I try to spend as much time as I can with him when I am home, but I just can’t figure out what he wants. Is it inhumane for me to keep him? Is it wrong of such an incompetent owner to have a bunny? :/

[Bam]

You don’t seem like an incompetent owner, of course.

Some rabbits are more fearful than others, fearfulness is a trait with strong heritability. I can’t say what’s up with your bun, but being alone for 9 hours every day is perhaps not ideal for him. Licking can be a display of affection or a request for grooming, but it can also be a signal of appeasement. Like look I’m nice, please be kind to me. My Bam displayed that type of licking when I first got him – he didn’t know me, so he didn’t have any reason to be affectionate towards me.

I think perhaps you should try and relax and not try so hard. You are used to other animals, and maybe that’s making you a little bit impatient with yourself. He has everything he needs. Now he needs time to settle. You could perhaps leave the tv or a radio on for him while you are gone during the day, on low volume. Buns never wear their hearts on their sleeves, if they did, that’d be the last thing they’d ever wear, so to speak.

[Bianca]

You don’t seem incompetent – you have to learn somehow.

I have found the best way to get new and nervous buns used to me is to sit down in the same room as them and mind my own business. So I bring in my laptop or a notebook or a book – something to do. And I let the bun mind it’s own business around me. It’s a great way for them to get used to my presence without me doing much.

I find the best place to start patting is the centre of the nose, and I stop if the rabbit backs off. So I let the rabbit approach me, and I offer a pat by holding my hand gently near the nose. If the rabbit doesn’t back off, I pat. If the rabbit backs up I move my hand away. Once I can do the nose I work my way around to find out what else the bun likes – often between the ears is a good next step. Sometimes the cheeks, sometimes behind the ears, the shoulders, or even the ears themselves.

I found Terry started to warm to me a lot when I ate (or pretended to eat) veggies near him. He decided he wanted what I was eating so I would offer it to him and he would gobble it up near me.

I agree with Bam – try to relax. If you are upset or stressed around horses the horse will pick up on that. It’s the same with rabbits, just not always as obvious because you don’t have 500+ kilos of flight animal having a dummy spit on the other end of a relatively short rope. Sitting and minding your own business around bun will help you with that.

[beaumont]

Thanks so much for the feedback, both of you. When he comes up to me, I usually pet him back and he tooth clicks like crazy. I will maybe just let him nudge me for a bit without petting him back. I try to let him do his own thing, but sometimes I need to interject if he is doing something bad (chewing on the carpet, nibbling bars, etc.), but I will try to minimize those as much as possible. And yeah, I feel a bit bad leaving him home for so long, and I always plan my day so I can be back asap. When I trust him a little more, I am going to start letting him have free reign of the safe parts of the apartment all day. I will keep you all posted. I sincerely welcome any and all advice to help me give my bunny as good of a life as I can!  

[lavendarlapin]

Could you put blankets or rugs on the carpet? When my bunny chews on carpet I put down blankets and he usually stops. (He’s a weirdo).
It’s sounds like your a good bunny owner
You’re doing your best to make him happy. It can take a long time time for bunny’s to really warm up to you. It took my bunny around 8 months and about 4 of those I spent almost everyday hanging out with him all day. I don’t think most buns take that long at all but don’t be discouraged. And he lets you pet him sometimes that’s good
And if he’s a baby/teenager your probably going to have bar biting. Just means he wants out.
Don’t feel frustrated though dogs and horses aren’t really like rabbits. The knowledge you have with them sometimes is going to be the opposite with bunny’s behavior wise. Not always. But yeah.
Oh. Does your bunny have a place to hide in his cage? You could even drape a blanket over half of it. Sometimes that helps them because then they have a little safe spot.
Good luck with your bun

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