Help! My friend is not taking care of her rabbit!

[Chel]

I wasn’t exactly sure if this topic would fit into this forum category but hopefully I can get some advice. I am going to do my best to describe this situation in all fairness. I will admit I do not know the situation behind closed doors, but I have observations.At the basis of this post, I am concerned for the animal in this situation, as pet owners we are often a voice for the voiceless. I am deeply concerned this animal is not being properly taken care of.

I have a friend who has severe mental disorder issues. She tends to need to be taken care of and very easily is overwhelmed to a point where she cannot function. Over a year ago she got a rabbit named Kili. When Kili was very small she was kept in a cage. My friend went through the process to get her rabbit approved as an emotional support animal to live in the dorms with her during the school year. After getting all the papers signed and whatnot, we both went into our second year of college, living in dorms. We did not live in the same building. I only saw her rabbit a few times through out the school year. While I cannot assume directly the care of the rabbit behind closed doors here are my observations:

As the year progressed Kili obviously grew to a nice large bunny size! However she remained in the same cage. Our dorms at this school were tile flooring, which isn’t good for bunnies to grip and run around on. She was mostly kept in the cage. If she came out, it was a slippery time on the floor. This obviously creates pent up energy, depression and even anger in rabbits. My friend described that sometimes her rabbit would thrash around in the cage restlessly. Her claws never were trimmed because my friend was too afraid to do it. Vet visits, few and far between. I understand that one reason her rabbit did not get out much was her roommates had a hard time with the smell of the rabbit. However, my friend did not do well to clean her litter or cage often enough. A spayed rabbit should not come with an awful scent! That being said, in her own room at least, she should been able to but down a sheet or fleece blanket for the rabbit to run on.

This summer she moved her rabbit into a bigger pen. However that’s about all the progress that was made… Kili was rarely ever out of the pen. I am assuming this mostly based on that my friend told me she didn’t really enjoy having her rabbit out, plus I never received pictures or videos of Kili outside of her pen. Additionally my friend now works, which means less time to take the rabbit out of the pen. She resorted to digging in her pen and chewing and making a racket. My friend said she was losing sleep to all the noise. I was told Kili had toys. But I know from my own bunny. just because you have toys doesn’t mean they’re being played with. Bunnies can be hugely picky. Some would rather have social play than toy play. So what I am observing is a rabbit that is not being exercised, played with, or interacted with on a positive basis.

If the lack of exercise was not alarming enough, what really is digging at me is the fact the rabbit is being blamed. My friend often says things like “Kili isn’t doing her “job”” or “She is causing more stress and harm in my life than good. She is supposed to help me!!” It is scary to think an animal is at blame for a job it is somehow supposed to have. She no longer looks at this animal as a pet to love and care for but rather something whose job is to help her mental illness and take care of the human. Pets do not have jobs. At the end of the day a rabbit is a rabbit. The truth is for all rabbit owners, we know that with this particular animal comes the work and play that rabbits require. My friend does not have a positively constructive way to deal with her emotions and I am afraid she may be projecting these negative feelings on to her pet. Rabbits do not understand human language, they will not know what they did wrong. And in any case, digging and chewing and pent up energy are all natural rabbit behaviors. We cannot get angry at animals for being animals.

So I got a message on snapchat: “I can f****** do this anymore I need to get rid of her!!!” I offered to come pick up the rabbit and care for it, and possibly rehome it as a second bunny for me (I would then have two spayed females). However my friend has since then not contacted me or replied to any of my messages. I don’t know what to do. I want to help Kili. It just is not fair.

I know it is a sensitive issue. And it must be hard for her to get rid of her pet. I also understand what it is like to have a mental illness. I have depression and anxiety.I understand myself what it is like to be stressed, but I don’t know if it is right to coddle someone who is wrongly projecting emotions and their illnesses on an animal. At the end of the day, there is an animal that is not being given what it needs. I am worried about the anger being directed towards the animal. It is hard for me to know that out there, there is someone who looks at their pet and doesn’t feel love. It is also scary to think that an animal is being projected to have some “job” which, other than possibly a dog that you can train, animals do not have. I know I need to remain respectful and sensitive towards my friend because she has deep issues and I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I just can’t stand here and let an animal be mistreated. What should I do? What should I say? How can I make the best of this situation and help my friend and her rabbit so both are in healthy situations?

[sarahthegemini]

TThat’s a tough situation but it’s great that you want to help this little rabbit whilst still respecting your friends emotional stance. I’m not sure what you could do other than try to make her realise that both her and bun are suffering. You could offer to house the little bun for a while to see if she copes better with her issues when she doesn’t have the responsibility of caring for another? 

[Chel]

Hey thank you for replying I appreciate it! 

I offered to pick up the rabbit, I know she might need time to feel ready to let the bun go but I can’t imagine she is taking good care of the poor baby after deciding she doesn’t want it anymore. 

I don’t know how to approach or bring up the situation. I can’t just come over there and aggressively take the animal but man I want so badly to help both of them out. I am not sure what I should say to her to continue the hard conversation of letting go

[Vincent]

Maybe make it feel less like letting go and offer to babysit the bun so she can see how she feels without her around / with a break, for a few days?

Babysit sounds much more friendly then words like rehome.

My sister has a lot of anxiety and she needs pros and cons of anything before she decides weither it would be a good idea or not (The other week she wanted to get a ferret and I had to explain how it would probably escape it’s cage as ferrets often do and attack or eat first her guinea pigs then find its way to my rabbits with several other reasons why she couldn’t have one as a pet)

But after you manage to baby sit her you can talk to your friend about pros and cons of having a rabbit and whether or not she should keep her, and if so, what would need to be done to help care for her better

[Chel]

Baby sitting is a great idea! I do not think a pet that takes as much care as a rabbit is appropriate for her though. I know I cannot really make those judgement but at the same time I also think there could be more benefit for her if she looked towards other ways of finding emotional support. However, babysitting would be a fantastic first step. I definitely plan to talk to her about rabbit behavior. I was talking with some other people about this problem and realized that the depiction of sweet angel bunnies may also have a part in this. I always post how cute and funny my bun is, but I never show the not so cute things like peeing on the couch or accidentally nibbling too hard. I don’t really mind all these behaviors (btw the peeing is because my bun is not YET spayed. On the 27th of this month she will finally be spayed so gonna get that taken care of!!) 

I think my part should be to help out but also raise awareness of bunny behaviors. A lot of social media tempts us with cute bunnies that appear to enjoy being held (as rabbit enthusiast, we know that isn’t the case lol) I think there should be more awareness of real rabbit instincts and behaviors and how to positively deal with them. That is something I will need to advocate for when I talk to my friend. 

Thank you so much for your advice! I love it!

[sarahthegemini]

I think Vincent’s idea of ‘babysitting’ is a great idea. It might help her let go of him if she thinks it’s just to give her a break but hopefully she’ll realise bun is better off with you.

[Vincent]

My thoughts exactly Sarah. Most likely she’ll realized she isn’t cut out for taking care of a bun and it’s less stressful for both her and the bun this way!

Good luck Chel!

[Deleted User]

Oh geez, tough situation.

I would have to also agree with the babysitting idea. Either she will miss bun and maybe learn to appreciate her more, or she will realize that she is better off without bun (which is honestly the scenario I would hope for based on how she is treating bun).

I think you are absolutely correct about the misleading way that rabbits are depicted. I know SO MANY people that get rabbits on a whim thinking they will just be a miniature cuddle ball and love you on command just because they are so darn cute. Or even worse, they get them for their children, whom simply DO NOT have the patience to properly bond and care for them. I know this because I was that kid who had rabbits and was never properly instructed on care. I feel terrible about how I treated those rabbits and the diet I fed them.

That being said, your friend obviously has issues, (personally, I think we all do- to some extent) but she cannot acquire an emotional support animal and claim that it is not being emotionally supportive…that is a scapegoat because her condition is not improving, but it is no fault of the bun. I don’t think this girl should have bun if she’s going to resent her for not “doing her job”. That is ludicrous… a support animal is supposed to be naturally comforting and if you feel that you require the animal to put forth effort in comforting you, then I would say you chose the wrong animal. I don’t know that any animal would be suitable for her though. To be honest, I have a sister in a VERY SIMILAR situation as you described, very mentally troubled, and she has two cats. While she does not, in my opinion, “abuse” them, I think the blatant lack of concern is negligent enough.

I hope something can be figured out, I’m so sad to hear these stories of people being frustrated and claiming that bun doesn’t live up to their expectations.

[LBJ10]

My guess is that the rabbit’s “job” is to bring her comfort. If this person has mental illness, then the rabbit was probably supposed to be an emotional support animal. I suppose in a sense, the rabbit is not “doing its job”. But that isn’t the rabbit’s fault. It simply means that the rabbit was not a good choice/match. She sounds very unstable and the rabbit seems to be adding to the stress, rather than helping with the stress. I think the best thing for the rabbit at this point is to convince her to let you take her. I do like the idea of offering to babysit her for a little while. It might make her realize that things are better without the rabbit and she’ll have an easier time letting her go.

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