Lost my baby and half my heart

[Rookie]

Some of you may know that I lost my baby Rookie last Monday. I’ve been dreading the day when I had to visit this part of the forum. I’ve been scared to even think that one day I’d have to post here.

Last week I lost my baby and he took my heart with him. It’s been a tough week and I’ve been dealing as best I could. Haven’t been staying at home either which I think has made it easier and harder at the same time since it still doesn’t seem real. The pain sneaks up in me along with sorrow and my tears just start flowing.

I have to go back to work tomorrow. We always started our day together. And it’s just so hard without him. I don’t think I’ve been doing a very good job dealing with it all as if anything I just try to forget and ignore which isn’t fair to him and his memory.

I miss him so much and still feel so guilty for losing him. He was my everything.

[Luna]

I’m sorry you are still feeling guilt, and this may not be much consolation but I would have done the exact same you did in that situation. Luna is so much a part of my morning routine as well. She is my first bun and I haven’t dealt with loss so I don’t really know what to say, but we are all here for you.

[Rookie]

I just keep thinking have i just left him at the ER when they offered….maybe then he would have gotten better then and he would be here now with me.

The pain just keeps coming and makes it hard to breath. I really just wish all this wasn’t actually all real but a bad dream.

[Luna]

I can understand how that thought would be lingering in the back of your mind because no one can say for sure what would have happened, but I still believe you did the right thing. You noticed he got sick, you got him help, and his condition did improve, and you loved him. Also, Rookie loved you and I’m sure he wouldn’t put any blame on you.

[Vienna Blue in France]

The ‘what ifs’ in life are there to make us stop advancing in any recovery we may have to go through. We’ve all been there but you can’t have that stop you going forward.
It is – and it will be – hard, but asking yourself “what if” you had taken back to ER will unfortunately not bring him back, nor will it help you.
I personally believe you did everything you could have and I would have done the same.
Bunnies are so, so fragile. You weren’t to know what was around the corner.
Rookie was so loved by you and was a lucky, lucky bun.
You did not let him down.
Getting back into a new routine will help you get through this.

((( binky free Rookie )))

[Gina.Jenny]

((( binky free Rookie )))

[tobyluv]

I’m very sorry about the loss of Rookie.

[Rookie]

I just wanted to say thank you to all of you for being so very kind and supportive.
I got Rookie (‘s remains) back two days ago. I almost find it easier now. Of course my heart stills aches and I so wish I still had him with me but in a sense having him back makes it easier. Nights and mornings are easier too. Those were the hardest.
I miss having rookie and just bunny love all together and while I feel guilty still I know I would like another bunny. When is it okay to start thinking about a new bun?

[Bam]

I’m glad you are feeling a little bit better. I too felt a little bit better when I got my Yohio’s ashes back.I like having him home with me here, where he belongs.

How long to wait before thinking of another rabbit is very individual, I think. When my dog Nala died, I waited only 19 days before I got a new dog. It didn’t make me love or miss Nala less, but it was a distraction, a little living being to care for and and be happy about.

[Luna]

If another bun would make you happy then I’m sure Rookie would want that for you .

[Vienna Blue in France]

When is it okay to start thinking about a new bun?

I would say that it is okay the very moment you ask yourself that very question…..

Just have a bit of a look around – it doesn’t hurt.
A tentative web search for rescues or buns looking for homes – when it feels right it feels right.

And if you go and see a bun and it doesn’t feel right, then say no.

I certainly wasn’t looking for Henry, but when I saw his photo, something inside said “you’ll regret it if you don’t go and just have a look”.

(I did go and “have a look”, he came home with us and I have regretted it ever since !!! LOLOLOL )

[Rookie]

I’m playing with the idea. But I am moving in August and I have a 2 week vacation in June so I will for sure wait till end of august beginning of September

[Vienna Blue in France]

Ahhh well that’s perfect then. You can have the excitement of waiting for one to come into your life…. that’s good too !

[Muchelle]

As I said in the other topic, don’t beat yourself over the ER thing – you did all you could and all that felt right at the moment and stuck to him all the way, which is what counts. We’ll help you through this if you’ll want to talk, rant, babble, etc. Be strong and don’t be afraid to open up to another little furball <3

[Yuki]

Oh my god… I lost my little Chairo on that same day as well.. I can definitely understand how you feel…& Even though I really didn’t want to, I got another baby bun which was a rescue rabbit. & I’m glad I did because it’s a huge comfort for me! Though it can’t really make me miss Chairo anyless, But Yuki (my new baby) keeps me from crying all day like before! So it was really worth it. Yuki has a special place In my heart, just like my baby Chairo. In my opinion, another bunny would definitely make you feel better and move on faster! Rookie lived happily, bc of the life you provided him. So you shouldn’t really feel guilty and from now on, just try thinking of him as a very good memory…❤(Of course, It’s hard. I’m still trying to overcome blaming myself! kkk) I’m sure that our bunnies are happy right now so don’t worry

[Rookie]

So after this past weekend….something happened that I can’t explain without looking crazy….but bottom line is I think I am ready for bunny love to be back in my life. I was going to wait until September and end of august but I just cant. So I’ll be waiting until after my vacation then get a new baby bun.

[Luna]

That’s wonderful that you will be giving a bun a home again . Have you thought about or decided on breed/gender?

[Rookie]

I’m going to stay with the holland lop type breed and will go with a boy again.

And while I would love to adopt from a shelter and actually almost did….it was by chance that I got to hold a bunny there and he was so sweet. But he had no background info of breed or age and wasn’t neutered when dropped off. The unknown background of a bunny scares me. I am thankful for that bun as his snuggles made me realize how much i need bun love on my life and that i am ready for a new baby. But his unknown background is just too scary.
So I will be purchasing a new baby from a breeder. Very reputable and loving of all bunnies. Not your avarage mass producer in it for the profit.
I apologize if this upsets some here.
But I am very excited and have two name ideas already but now I just need to find the right bun.

[Vienna Blue in France]

Yay !!!!

[Luna]

My sister (from whom I adopted Luna) got Luna from a breeder. I want to adopt from a shelter if I get a bun after Luna, and I too am worried about adopting a bun with an unknown health background, but who knows what I’ll end up doing. What are the two names you thought of?

[Rookie]

My main name choice will be Sprocket
And the other is Nismo if the little guy looks it. But most likely will end up being Sprocket.

[Luna]

I love it. Are you a car enthusiast or are those names coincidental?

[Rookie]

I mean Rookie was basically an adoption as the family had an accidental litter and he was $15. With his dental surgery and all his appointment is February as well as the battle to save him in the last 3 days I spent close to $5000. And the emotional cost is great too. I would do the financial cost in a heartbeat again if it meant to save his life.
But do I want to risk going through again with another bun…id rather not.

[Rookie]

Sprocket came from my motorcycle. Nismo is a recent idea as I am looking at purchasing a new car and that is #1 on the list. And it sounds cute for a bun

[Rookie]

Looking for advice….as I mentioned before I am looking into getting a new bunny…i fell in love with a baby a few weeks ago but it was already promised to someone else….so then I’m in line for a litter that was just born but there is no guarantee out of the four born there will be a little boy. Now the original little baby I wanted is again available as the family that originally had him can’t take him…he is available for pick up in a week…now I leave for vacation in 2 weeks. I really want this bunny but I don’t know if I want to miss out on 2 weeks with him. But getting a bun from the new litter is no guarantee . And he was the first that stole my heart. What should I do? Is 2 weeks in a baby really that much? I can’t remember with rookie since in my eyes he stayed a baby.
This bun this way would be about 9 to 10 weeks when I finally get to take him home. Or I can risk it and potentially get a baby start of july.
I don’t know what to do

[Rookie]

So I went with my heart and decided to go with the original baby that stole my heart. Even though he is available to be picked up in a week / week and a half…i will pick him up 2 weeks later. That way he is well cared for while I am gone and I can pick him up post vacation.

[Vienna Blue in France]

Good decision imo. A week or two extra wont make any difference !!!! How exciting !!!! And it will give baby more time with its mum…. never a bad thing.

[Rookie]

I’m so filled with excitement and love. Been so long since I felt this…same excitement as when it was time to go home and see rookie at the end of a long day

[Luna]

Yay! Will the name be Sprocket? Nismo?

[Rookie]

Sprocket. He will be baby Sprocket. I will be visiting him around June 10 and I get to pick him up June 24.

[Luna]

Squee! I’m so excited for you! I too love coming home knowing that two furry faces are waiting for me.

[Rookie]

I am too! I am so very excited!

[Rookie]

a new beginning. I have Sprocket home now. please check out my new thread for photos on the Q&A thread under “nee baby bunny” there are photos! :0)

ps. Rookie I miss you and I know you sent this new little angel for me. love you forever and ALWAYS

[jerseygirl]

I bet Rookie had a paw in it too. So happy for you!
Adding link to the thread with your new little cutie. https://binkybunny.com/FORUM/tabid/54/aft/160959/Default.aspx

You may find this new little bun will do things that will remind of Rookie. Even little things you may have forgotten. And it helps.

[Tawndy]

I’m so sorry for your loss.  I just lost my baby Maisy last Tuesday.  She died at the vet during surgery.  I still don’t have details as to why and I’m blaming myself as well.  Your baby looked a lot like mine.  Prayers and hugs to you. 

[Rookie]

I am very sorry for your loss. I was fortunate enough to have him with me when he passed. I too don’t have answers of what has happened. He was only 2 years old. He was still a baby.
The hardest thing for me was the guilt of not leaving him in the hand of the vet when they said it as an option. Maybe if I left him then he would have pulled through . But I will never know. Unfortunately I have come to find that no matter which option I look at there is no easier scenario as long as the end is him being gone.
I still miss him very much. I’m learning to love a new baby bun now. I love him very much too but I can’t help but feel guilty a bit that maybe I’m holding back from him still.

[Rookie]

Sprocket is a hoot. almost opposite to Rookie. Rookie was independent while Sprocket wants to be around people and know exactly who when what they are doing…always following…also loves affection and sits on my lap etc…love it…little Sprocket the Rocket. so happy with him and love him with all my heart..well what Rookie left behind.

I am a bit of a hypochondriac when it comes to Sprocket though. watching his every move and worried at the newest quirk that something might be wrong. will that ever pass?

Sprocket is getting neutered Wednesday…I am worried…just because… I know it is routine but still…

After loosing Rookie I couldn’t go back in our apartment. The cant breath feeling was constant. empty and suffocating. I couldn’t do it. it was never going to be the same. I was planning on a new place for us anyways as I wanted Rookie to have a house. I found our house the day when he got sick. After loosing there was no question.., I had to move into the house that I wanted for him. He will never see it. But I know Sprocket will love it as much as Rookie would have.

I also sold my car. I lost him in that car. I couldn’t look at the front seat the same way. I told everyone I wanted a new car cause of issues with the other one and mileage etc….no…it was cause I couldn’t sit in it without tears.

Sprocket and I are moving in a week and we get our new car the day after we get the house keys.

new beginnings.

Love you Rookie. Miss you. Love you forever and always!

[Rookie]

This thread needs a smiling bunny! <3

[Author]

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