1 week bonding check in: dominance?

[Player Tu]

Thought I’d ask for some advice now that I’m a week into bonding.

• Oreo: 1 year and 4 months spayed girl. I’ve had her for about 8 months. She is a dwarf mix so she has a lot of energy and is sassier than most buns I’ve met. She’s never groomed our skin (our clothes sometimes but very rarely) and only likes pets on her own time. 3.5 pounds.

• Pocky: 1 year and 7 months neutered boy. I’ve had him for a week and a half and he’s finally getting comfortable with us. He LOVES pets and is a little more docile than Oreo. 5 pounds.

On their first date, Pocky tried to mount Oreo a lot and Oreo just kept running away. We eventually stopped but I brought Oreo back a week later to try again since Pocky was only neutered a few weeks ago. Pocky tried to mount her only once and they flopped near each other a lot, cleaned, ignored each other, and Pocky even groomed her once.

Right now, they live in separate play pens that are about 3 inches apart from each other so they can still sniff and see each other. I’ve switched toys and am working up to switching them between both play pens. They eat all their meals side by side (play pens still up) and I will see them flop together as well. They have separate play time in the living room, with the other bun staying in the playpen and the other out roaming. Since that space was Oreo’s for the last 8mos, I expected Pocky to mark or Oreo to get upset but it actually has been going well.

As for bonding, we’ve been doing 30 minutes a day and each time has been in the bath tub. The first couple of times, they would sniff each other but then Pocky would try to mount Oreo, and she would nip him on the side to get him away. Pocky would also try mounting from the front, which we immediately stopped since we thought Oreo would bite him there. Now, Pocky can’t even get close to mounting without Oreo freaking out. So there’s consistently been nipping and no way for Pocky to mount her and establish his dominance without her nipping, running away, or grunting. We’ve tried a few sessions of stress bonding, like shaking the bathtub door to create a lot of noise, but all it does is make them ignore each other. Sometimes Pocky will go in to snuggle Oreo but Oreo will just turn or hop away.

Now we’re doing just normal bonding – I’ll smoosh them together and cross pet them for 10 minutes, then let them do their own thing for 10 minutes (spray bottle ready to stop fights), then end the last 10 minutes with more cross petting or just letting them sit there ignoring each other. I always end the sessions positively, either with food or pets or just quiet ignoring.

It’s just been a lot of nipping. Pocky will keep trying to lower his head to her so he can get groomed but Oreo doesn’t give in. Sometimes Pocky will groom her or nip her lightly on the head and Oreo will freak out, and then I have to spray her to stop her from lunging at Pocky. It feels like she gets upset very easily by him, and I know she’s just very dominant but I’m not sure how to break this resistance down.

Should I just keep doing what I’m doing?

[sarahthegemini]

You’ve only had him for a week and a half and you’ve already been bonding for a week? Didn’t you give him a chance to settle in? It’s important that any new bun settles before starting any bonding because their behaviour can change drastically as they become comfortable (for better or for worse)

[Player Tu]

I was told to start bonding immediately by my vet and shelter once he settled in and ate and acted more normally. After a few days, he did, and acted more like how the shelter said he should act so I started the bonding.

Are you suggesting that I stop the process now?

[Author]

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