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- This topic has 23sd replies, 9 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 1 month ago by
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Oh im really sorry.
That must have been quite a shock for you – and baffling. Could she have mis-read something in your original message somehow? And thought you initiated a goodbye in some way? Maybe you can contact her via email to find out?
I had something like that happen once. Id typed out a long text and sent it and the person read it as me severing ties with them. Luckily it was brought up and I realised I simply missed one word that changed the whole tone of the message! I felt so bad but we did have a laugh about it too, later on.The only other thing I can think of someone acting that way is that something is going on in their own life and they just dont have the ability to be there for friends in their times of need…
Have you got some close friends there you can talk too?
I hope you are doing okay. Rough patches are just that, something to get through, then trek on. Things wont stay like this forever. Easy for one to say when they are not going through it, I know! But it is important to remember.
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Posted By Gina.Jenny on 3/08/2017 3:55 AM
What a painful way to find you have lost a friend, just when you really needed her.I hope you are ok, and that things will feel better soon x hugs x
Thank you so much, Gina.Jenny, I needed that. Things will be Ok, they always are after all. It has just hurt double this time.
Tambor seems to feel that something isn’t right. I’m sad very rarely (I think he had never seen me sad before), and he’s looking all puzzled
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That’s awful to hear
It’s hard to explain deep emotions through text messages, but try to talk to her find out what happened. Approach the situation as open-mindedly as you can in this situation and let her tell her story if she wants to. While it’s really bad that she couldn’t support you, don’t assume directly that it’s something you did. There could be a million reasons why people grow apart. It may be that she’s in a bad situation as well, but hasn’t told you about this. It could be that she’s in no state to give emotional support at the moment, but that she finds it too difficult to tell you, therefore choosing the cut-off option.
It’s difficult to explain interactions between people, and they can be very dynamic. Sometimes the people you we’re best friends with 5 years ago may be nothing more than distant acquaintances in 5 years. People grow throughout their lives, they make changes and choices that influence their life a lot. This is the reason people grow apart: you may not be growing and changing at the same rate or in the same direction. Luckily new choices and new situations also gives the opportunity to meet new people. Tomorrow you may walk into somebody who could become a very good friend over time. Don’t fear change, change is a sign of growth and development.
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Posted By jerseygirl on 3/08/2017 4:14 AM
Oh im really sorry. That must have been quite a shock for you – and baffling. Could she have mis-read something in your original message somehow? And thought you initiated a goodbye in some way? Maybe you can contact her via email to find out?
I had something like that happen once. Id typed out a long text and sent it and the person read it as me severing ties with them. Luckily it was brought up and I realised I simply missed one word that changed the whole tone of the message! I felt so bad but we did have a laugh about it too, later on.The only other thing I can think of someone acting that way is that something is going on in their own life and they just dont have the ability to be there for friends in their times of need…
Have you got some close friends there you can talk too?
I hope you are doing okay. Rough patches are just that, something to get through, then trek on. Things wont stay like this forever. Easy for one to say when they are not going through it, I know! But it is important to remember.
Thank you very much, jeserygirl; you are lovely! Thank you for your words of support, they mean the world to me <3. Thank you for remind me that rough patches are just patches and they come and go. People have it much, much worse than me, and even if this hurts and will hurt for a long, long time, it will become part of the past, eventually. I understand what you mean about misunderstandings. I have reread my message again and again, but I don't seem to find anything odd or that could imply something else. Also, I don't think my message could be read as me saying goodbye, half of it is me asking how she was doing and saying that I missed her and that I wanted to hear from her.
Yes, I have other friends I can talk to about this, but I wanted to share this with her. She’s important and I love her. She’s always been very secretive and discreet about her life, she doesn’t open up much (she even changes her email from time to time and I don’t have her latest one, so I cannot even contact her there). So, it is hard for me to know if there is something bad going on on her life. I understand what you mean by “they just don’t have the ability to be there for friends in their times of need“. I have been in that place as well. But I think the right way to act is to say that you have a lot on your plate already and that you are sorry you cannot be there for your friend. Not just to cut off somebody. I want to be understanding with this, but, in all honesty, I think it’s cruel and selfish.
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Posted By Ellie from The Netherlands on 3/08/2017 5:17 AM
That’s awful to hear It’s hard to explain deep emotions through text messages, but try to talk to her find out what happened. Approach the situation as open-mindedly as you can in this situation and let her tell her story if she wants to. While it’s really bad that she couldn’t support you, don’t assume directly that it’s something you did. There could be a million reasons why people grow apart. It may be that she’s in a bad situation as well, but hasn’t told you about this. It could be that she’s in no state to give emotional support at the moment, but that she finds it too difficult to tell you, therefore choosing the cut-off option.
It’s difficult to explain interactions between people, and they can be very dynamic. Sometimes the people you we’re best friends with 5 years ago may be nothing more than distant acquaintances in 5 years. People grow throughout their lives, they make changes and choices that influence their life a lot. This is the reason people grow apart: you may not be growing and changing at the same rate or in the same direction. Luckily new choices and new situations also gives the opportunity to meet new people. Tomorrow you may walk into somebody who could become a very good friend over time. Don’t fear change, change is a sign of growth and development.
Thank you, Ellie! Thank you from the bottom of my heart. It’s lovely to see that somebody took the time and energy to write back, it means a lot to me
. I was just reading about how loneliness is becoming an epidemic in the world. Everybody complains about how busy we all are, but then about how lonely we feel. It’s very sweet to see people here, in the BB community, take time to reply to somebody they haven’t met. Thank you, guys.I don’t know if I am ready to rationalise this situation with my friend. I just need to feel sorry for myself for a while, to be told that it is OK to feel down and that it’s OK to feel angry when I’m not treated well. I have to do double mourning
. As for talking with her, I cannot seem to be able to reach her, as she’s not picking up the phone and it is the only way for me to contact her. -
Relationships can be soooo complex and sometimes we forget this when we have a friend that is close and just… easy
I think Jersey and Ellie have said it all and, as usual, so well.
Don’t take it personally.The other day, my cousin created a family whatsapp group for a specific event, I made a joke and had the message ‘** has removed you from the group**
I ate myself up about it all evening and visually imagined all the possible difficulties at future family gatherings, where normally we had been close…. my imagination went a bit bonkers. I thought he could have atleast said he was cutting off, before doing so !Speaking to my Mum the next day, it turns out he deleted her too from the group !!! But in fact he deleted everyone…. because he closed that particular whatsapp group down as the event had passed !!!
So the timing of my ‘joke’ was just a coincidence…. crazy thoughts that were SO completely NOT the intention of my lovely cousin.
Yes, feel sorry for yourself a bit and feel angry, but then say to yourself that this person she has become is not worth you becoming sick over her.
A similar thing happened to me a few years back. I won’t go into détails, but she was going through a depression and was not answering her calls / emails.
We’re back in contact now, but I’ve taken a step back from chasing her if she doesn’t answer. It’s better for me, and she knows I’m here if she needs me. Not that she’s someone who asks for help herself. Unfortunately, at distance, there’s not much you can do.Ellie is right, tomorrow is another day and you never know what exciting surprises are out there.
Open your eyes and your heart and you may just find one, just for you.
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Sorry to hear that, It must have been really sad and hurting receiving that message. Ive somewhat been there at where you are. – Having a friend do that to me like exiting my life out of the blue just because we drifted apart. To me it was like – didnt we have all these memories from last time? Then what did our friendship meant? I felt really hurt but I could recover fast from that episode cause nothing bad was happening then. I can only imagine it must have been really devastating for you to have received such a message and at such a bad time.
However know that it is never your fault that such things happen. You did nothing wrong. Sometimes its just unfortunate that people decide to move on. We will never know why and can only wish them the best in their life. Perhaps our paths have ended and perhaps that will bring in new things and experiences for us, perhaps a new friendship with another person too.
Happy to know that you are feeling better now too Yilina
. Big hugs from Yuna and me to you. Sending you some positive vibes to start the day!
Also you are not alone. Anything just Holla at us here! -
Posted By vanessa on 3/13/2017 9:44 AM
Hi Yilina, I’m glad to hear you are feeling better. I also have friends in another country. Similar situation – we communicate off and on for years, now mostly on facebook by “liking” posts. No actual communication anymore. Sometimes people move on, and it hurts to find that out – when you need their support. Feeling sad is OK, and it sounds like a little time has made it better 🙂 How is Tambor doing? He is a cutie.Hi there,
It is very sweet to check up on me, what a lovely community BB is! Thank you very much. I have moved internationally quite a bit these last years and it’s true that people move on, which doesn’t mean that it hurts less. However, for some reason I wasn’t expecting to be blocked, just probably ignored :S.
Tambor is doing wonderfully. He’s such a kind, soft soul, I’m in love
. I see you have 2 bunnies (in your picture), they are beautiful! How are the called?Hugs!
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Sorry to hear about what happened to you Bladesmith. I hope you’ve found new happyness
There’s something very important to remember about relationships, whether it’s a relationship between friends or between lovers: you can’t give what you don’t have. That’s something I learned after being in a 4,5 year relationship with someone who also has autism like I do. We clicked because we liked the same hobbies and such, but over the years I found out that his emotional capacity was way too small to sustain a relationship. My emotions confused him, and he was unable to give me the emotional support I needed when I was just diagnosed with a chronic illness. I used to be angry at him for this, but then I remembered that you can’t give what you don’t have. It would be unfair and illogical to have expectations of the other person which they cannot meet. It makes both parties unhappy. We talked it over and decided to split up. We’re still friends now, and I’ve been in a great relationship for 2,5 years now.
He found out that a platonic relationship is the way for him, so he’s sharing a house now with a good female friend and his two cats.
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