Sweet baby Wilmer

[Desiree]

Yesterday my baby Wilmer had surgery to remove a tumor. He made it through the surgery but never woke up. The vet said his heart was too weak and stopped. Wilmer was only 4 years old. He was and is everything to my husband and I. He is our son. I am so completely devastated and don’t know how to continue. I just want to die so that I can be with my baby boy. We can’t stop crying. Wilmer is the best thing to ever happen to us. He was the best little bun. He gave so many kisses and cuddles. He’d let you scoop him right up and lay and cuddle for hours. He’d click his little teeth and close his eyes as you pet him. I have never felt so loved. I miss him so much. I miss his smell, his kisses, the little sounds he’d make when giving kisses. He did the silliest cutest things. He was so happy and loved being a bunny so much. I miss everything about my baby boy. I feel so guilty for what I did to him. He trusted me to take care of him and now he is dead. He was trying to bury himself into me and didn’t want to let go yesterday. I wish I would have listened to him and just brought him home. How do I go on without my baby. This pain is so overwhelming. I can’t do anything. I can’t believe this is real.

[tobyluv]

I’m very sorry about the loss of your sweet Wilmer. Please don’t feel guilty, you did nothing wrong. You gave Wilmer a wonderful life, filled with happiness and love.

[Azerane]

I am very sorry for your loss of Wilmer, losing a friend is never easy.

[Bam]

I’m so sorry for your loss. It did seem like he was really sick. That’s of little comfort, but it means there was very little you could’ve done for him exept what you did. You tried to save him. I’m very sorry it didn’t work. You did take care of him, and you filled his life with love and happiness. You have nothing to feel guilty about, but it’s natural to feel guilt when we lose someone that’s in our care. I’m glad he was so loved.

It’s very, very hard to lose a beloved pet.

[Gwennie and the Buffster]

I’m so sorry. Losing a bunny is one of the hardest things in the world, because they are so pure and full of love. You gave him a beautiful life, and he spent every moment loving you. That’s so special, and you should be proud of it. Sending you so much love.

Binky free Wilmer <3

[Desiree]

Thank you all for your kind words and for caring enough to try and comfort me. My husband and I appreciate each of you. Wilmer is the best bunny and loved being alive. I feel so sorry for him and want nothing more but for him to be alive. I don’t know how to accept the fact that he can’t be a bunny anymore here on earth. He deserved so much better.

[LittlePuffyTail]

I’m so very sorry. My heart truly goes out to you. I know exactly how you are feeling. I lost a very beloved bunny in April. She had a reaction to the anaesthesia and passed. I know how you feel about the guilt. But I have to keep reminding myself (as you do too) that I only put her through that procedure because I love her so and knew she needed the procedure to stay healthy and happy. Unfortunately, it was her time to go. And although, I miss her dearly every day, I know that it was not my fault.

And it was not your fault. You loved your bunny. That’s why you brought him to the vet. He knows you loved him.

And for what it’s worth, I believe with all my heart we will see our babies again.

(((Binky Free Sweet Wilmer)))))

[Desiree]

Your replies are leaving me in tears. I keep coming back to read them. I miss my sweet little boy so much I feel like it’s killing me. I wish he could send me a sign that he’s ok.

[Bam]

Desiree, there’s not a lot to do about grief except grieve. I made a photoalbum on Flickr for my bunny Yohio after he passed. It helped a bit to look at pictures of when he was happy and healthy, although I did cry all the time I made it. The bad and terrible memories from the end are so much fewer than all the good memories from his life. The most important thing now is to keep in mind that you gave your sweet baby a wonderful life, so filled with love and happiness.

[SeeShmemilyPlay]

I’m so sorry for you and your husband.  I can’t even imagine the pain, although I completely understand it.  You’re a great bun mom, and Wilmer clearly lived an awesome bunny life with you guys.

[Desiree]

Our entire life revolved around Wilmer. We literally plan everything around him. We are constantly talking about him or spending time with him and always thinking of him. He is our literal child. I cannot fathom why something so perfect and pure could be given something so evil. Wilmer did not deserve cancer. He was the happiest little bunny. It kills me to think about how happy he was. How could I have missed his illness? And why did I rush to surgery before thinking of other options? The guilt is eating me alive. I’m not ok. I am now failing school and missed my final exams. I had family members knocking at my door because they thought I was dead. I just don’t want to talk to them or anyone because no one understands what I’m going through. Wilmer is precious and his life is important and meaningful. I never want to lose the intensity of the love I have for him. My family wanted us over it the day it happened. He passed on my birthday as well. We have already decided that every year on my birthday we will celebrate his life. I just feel so bad for him. It’s not even how much i miss him (a ton) it’s that I want him to be alive. Has anyone else felt this? I just feel so bad for my innocent baby. Sorry if this doesn’t make sense I am a wreck omg

[Vienna Blue in France]

So sorry for you loss. He sounds a wonderful bun-son
Cancer does not discriminate; Animal, human, Young, old.

You ‘could’ have chosen not to go through surgery, but he may have been in pain, or certainly would have been in pain very shortly.
And no-one wants that for their pet.

You did the right thing at the right time. You MUST not beat yourself up over this.
He did NOT suffer at his passing. He just dozed off to sleep, quietly and painlessly, but just didn’t wake up.
imho that is the ideal way to go, if you think about it.

Unfortunately the grieving you are doing now, is for your loss and how sad you feel.
You have to let go of these guilty feelings…. Wilmer would not have wanted you to be failing school now would he?

And re the sign from him to say he’s just fine..? If you look reeeeal hard, you’ll see it Yes you will

Stay strong. It will get better, in time.

[Bam]

Wilmer is and was important. That will always be true. You and your husband are great people for loving him like you did.
As Vienna says, cancer doesn’t discriminate. Bad things happen to good people and to good pets. It’s very unfair, but it’s still true.

You wanted what was best for him, so you opted for surgery. I think that’s what a good bunny parent should do, if you have the choice – you can’t wait with cancer unless you’re absolutely certain it’s chronic and terminal and surgery won’t make a difference anyhow. He didn’t have to suffer. If you hadn’t had the surgery and he had died from his cancer, I think there’s a big risk that you’d have accused yourself of not choosing surgery. The what-ifs are always there.

Don’t fail school. That will just add to your sorrow. If you decide to study really hard, it could give you a well-needed break from feeling guilty about Wilmer. You have nothing to feel guilty about and you will understand that with time – but school is now and you need to do it now.

Sending you so many heartfelt well-wishes and vibes. You are a really great bunny mummy.

[Desiree]

I left the house for the first time today. I drove to school to take my final exam. The moment I saw my teacher in the hall I bursted into tears. She grabbed my hand and brought me to our classroom. She was surprised but happy to see me. She said she didn’t expect me to take my final exam. She wants to give me a month extension. I cried even harder. She let me talk about my baby boy uninterrupted and offered to sit and speak. She had tears in her eyes and said she understood me. Those words meant so much. I haven’t heard them from anyone outside this site. To hear them to my face and to be held as I cried meant so much. On the way out I saw two of my classmates and they approached me and asked if they could hug me. They held me in the hall and let me cry into them. I kept thanking them for their support and apologizing for the snot on their shoulders. I’m so thankful for my teacher and my classmates. It assured me that I’m going into the right career. I feel like everyone in my massage therepy program is so empathetic and understanding. I know how empathetic I am but to be surrounded by people who feel the same is comforting. I can’t sleep again though. It’s been a bad day. I’ve cried a lot. I miss him so much more every day it’s unbearable. Wilmer is the love of my life. I know no other bunny can ever come close in my heart. My house has been feeling so empty and dark. Wilmers girls are clearly missing him. I know I need to find them another male. Those two girls hate us. But we kept them for Wilmer and we will always keep them. It’s what Wilmer wants. I’m thinking of fostering another bunny or two soon. I don’t feel ready to adopt. I thought fostering would be good. I won’t have any expectations of the bunny and won’t compare to Wilmer and also it’s temporary. I also thought it might serve as something fun and interesting so my husband and I can get our minds off our grief a bit. I can’t bring myself to leave my bed. I will not go to my living room or stay in any other room. I keep cuddling Wilmers blanket. I normally do dishes but I’m hoping my husband does soon because they are piling up. I haven’t been able to do any house work. I can’t bring myself to do much of anything and I have no idea how to start again. My life has been turned upside down.

[Bam]

I’m glad you left the house and went out and met those really wonderful people. I’m glad you let them hug you! Some people do understand. Others don’t, and quite frankly, I often think it’s worst for them. To lack the ability to love a pet deeply is not enviable, imo.

Fostering a bunny could be a good distraction: It often helps to be able to do something for somebody else, someone who really needs you, and there are many bunnies in this world that need you. It would be like a tribute to Wilmer.

I don’t think your girl buns hate you =) But they probably think it’s enough that they have each other. From what I have heard, boy bunnies seem to be more cuddly and interested in hanging out with their humans than girl buns are. (I’ve only had boys).

[Desiree]

My husband is going to email the rescue we know and let them know we would like to foster again. We fostered our two girls at 7 weeks old. Wilmer bonded with them within 5 minutes. That bunny has a heart of gold and loves everything and everyone. The girls I’m pretty sure do dislike us. They thump at the sight of us. They are horrible to handle and seem terrified constantly when we are around. In bed they don’t like to cuddle and show almost zero signs of affection except the occasional nose bump. They don’t get a long with each other that great. Flower is dominate and aggressive towards Miley at times. She will mount and hump or chase and bite her. I catch them grooming each other though. Miley is always following Flower. Flower is a little terror for sure. Too smart to be a bunny. They are young though, only 10 months. We have been trying to spend more time with them. They seem lonely without Wilmer. They both loved him. Our kitten loved Wilmer too. They would cuddle and our kitty Nova would hold him and groom him. Everyone who met him loved him. I don’t even think he was a bunny I think he is an angel. And now he’s my guardian angel.

[Vienna Blue in France]

Well done for going out. Its a first step and a big one.
Fostering sounds a great compromise…..

Are your girls spayed ? Two ” teenage ” girls might indeed have problems getting along and especially now that Wilmer has gone they may try to make a shift in the dominance ranks so just keep an eye on them that they don’t fight….

[Desiree]

Yes they have been spayed since July. I haven’t noticed them getting worse or fighting. Flower has never seriously injured Miley. Miley won’t fight back she just runs away. I have one other boy Oliver who was my first bunny. He doesn’t get along with any bunny. We have tried dating. We got Wilmer for him. We have a stroller and we would take Oliver and Wilmer on walks together. They got along great in the stroller. Oliver would even groom Wilmer. They were best friends in their own way. We would let them out together to explore the house. Wilmer is the only bunny Oliver would tolerate. Last night we tried to put the girls with Oliver in neutral territory. They weren’t having it. Flower and Oliver attack each other on sight. That’s why we always keep them separated. Oliver is a great bunny. He’s super affectionate and silly. But he’s more independent than Wilmer and can be mouthy if you’re in his way. Wilmer wouldn’t lay a tooth on you EVER! How rare is that? I’ve had 4 rabbits in my life and Wilmer is the only one to never ever use his teeth with me.

[Jessica]

i know how you felt, i was the same when i lost my son freckles. i did what bam and many other did. looked at pictures until i felt it was right to bring a new one into my life. im sorry for you lost of wilmer.

[Desiree]

It’s getting more and more excruciating. I miss my baby boy so much and feel helpless. I feel so alone and now my husband has returned to work. Semester had ended so now I just sit home in bed upset and cry everyday. I wish that I could just go to sleep and not wake up. The pain is unbearable

[Vienna Blue in France]

Having a whole day of emptiness before you is a horrible thought and just makes things worse, I think.
So try to get out, if not just for a walk around the block. Speak to people. Call someone. Go help someone. Make a cup of tea for someone. Go and feed the ducks. Anything to get you out from the bed. It will help the process of healing.

Your other buns need you too. And you owe it to Wlimer not to suffer for too long.

Commemorate his memory : write him a letter of how you feel, what he meant to you, how you will miss him. Recall stories. Write it all down.
Then take the letter to a special place outdoors, read it out loud (so he can hear you!) cry all those tears and hurt and anger and then burn it and cry again. It will help the process and help you move on. Try it. It won’t do any harm and it WILL do you good, . (( hugs ))

[Desiree]

It’s winter in Wisconsin. It gets into negative degree weather and the high of the day is 20 or less. I’ve wanted to go on a walk but it’s so cold. It keeps storming as well. The winter makes me feel isolated when I’m not grieving. It’s awful. I wish I had friends but I don’t. I have a broken family and zero understanding from any of them. MY husband works 10 hours a day and comes home and just sleeps. I have been giving my other babies attention but none of them are Wilmer. I feel like there is nothing in this world for me now. I wrote a letter to him earlier and I also wrote in my journal. I even wrote an email the other day. I called a grief counselor and I spoke classmates. I watch YouTube videos and endlessly Google. I watch videos of Wilmer and look at pictures. I lay in his room and cuddle his blanket. I talk to others on this site. I emailed a rescue about fostering. I am trying everything to feel ok if not for myself at least for Wilmer but nothing is helping. I have lost before people and animals but NOTHING has compared to this.

[Vienna Blue in France]

It’s still fresh and raw. Don’t worry just yet that things doent seem to be getting better. Its a process. The passing of animals can touch us harder than some people dying…. its natural, not strange.
Ok, so if its storming outside, not a plan to go outside but if its just cold (very cold).. so what? Wrap up (very) warm, walk with a purpose, get those endorphins going to warm you up and see the wonderful nature around you. You’ll prob still feel crap when you get back home (but not as crap) and you will have taken a step in the right direction….

Writing on here is fine too, this community really does understand what you’re going through. ((hugs)).

[Author]

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