Bonding foursome, one overly aggressive and one super scared

[Paul Bunnyan]

I have a free-range bonded, fixed trio, Paul (M), Kevin (M) and Bea (F). I was fostering a tiny, fixed dwarf hotot named Brandon (M) who was basically mini Bea, and after a few months of falling in love with him, attempted to bond him to my kids. I know it was already crazy bonding three boys and one girl, but I figured I’d give it a shot.

The first day, I stuck them in my tub all night. Things went perfectly fine to my surprise. Brandon was grooming everyone, and they all let him. In the morning, I decided to put them in a really tiny x-pen in a part of my apartment they’ve never been in and observed. I noticed that the other two boys don’t mind Brandon at all, but Bea who hates him. She’s constantly trying to lunge and bite. Whenever that happens, I smoosh them together and speak gently, and Bea will even groom Brandon for a bit, until she tries biting his side immediately after.

I’ll also stick the two of them in a carrier and stress-bond: putting them back in the tub, on top of the washing machine, on 15-20 minute car ride, etc. Still, whenever I put them back in, Bea tries to attack.

Brandon is just the sweetest tiny boy, all he wants to do is go around grooming and loving everyone. Sometimes Bea will even let him groom him. I’m guessing Bea feels like her position of baby of the family is being usurped?? I don’t know, but it makes me sad.

I hear you should never separate a group once bonding has started, but Brandon is starting to get terrified of Bea. He hides and cowers when she’s near. It breaks my heart to have to stress his tiny heart out out by constantly forcing him to be with someone who wants to hurt him. I only have one x-pen, so I can’t really create two different set-ups next to one another. I’m only 4 days in, and I know it can be a long process, but I’m not sure how to go about this effectively. Advice appreciated!

[Paul Bunnyan]

I’m currently working from home, so I’ve been able to marathon-bond them, but the chasing never stops (I haven’t gotten a solid night’s sleep in 5 days). It’s gotten to the point where Brandon jumps away from Bea even if she hasn’t provoked him. I’m worried I’m creating more damage than progress. Is it time for a little break? The only times Bea doesn’t chase Brandon is when I have all four of them in the tub. Should I just leave them there until everything’s sorted out?

[Mikey]

If bonding all four at once works best, bond all four together at the same time

[Paul Bunnyan]

Thanks for the response. I’ve tried bonding the four together again, but it seems like there’s a bit of a clique going on with my original three and little Brandon feeling left out I decided to ditch the marathon bonding and just have 1 hour dates with Bea and Brandon together in the tub with me in there. I smoosh them together and eventually they end up grooming eachother, but Bea will still find an opportunity to nip him so I have to watch them every second. I give everyone apple chunks after they groom as a reward, and try to end the session on a good note. Hopefully this technique makes some headway!

So deceptive.

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