The story of Podge

[Gina.Jenny]

Chapter One

A lifetime ago (ten months if you measure time the weird way hoomins do), I was caught, lost and afraid, on what I’ve overheard my foster mum call ‘a main road’, whatever that means. I think it means very loud and very scary. Anyway, I was taken to a place called a rescue. The other buns at the rescue explain that its a place where a few kind hoomins keep us safe, and where they look after us. Also, some of the other hoomins come, and take us to what is called a ‘forever home’. 

‘When the smaller hoomins come, play, look cute, look lively’, say the other buns. ‘That’s how you get chosen’

‘Play? Cute? Lively? In front of scary strange hoomins? And as for smaller, have you seen how big even the smallest are! And the smaller they are, the faster their arms come towards you, I’m not kidding! And chosen for what? I don’t even know what a forever home is, and I’m not certain I want to find out. At least here, I’m fed, the main road is a distant nightmare, and I can talk with other buns, even if we aren’t ever allowed in together. 

The days pass, and I’m clearly not playful, cute or lively enough to get chosen. I don’t care, I’ve learnt to like life here. There’s always something going on, something to talk about with the other buns at the end of the day, and life could be a lot worse. But something bad is coming. The hoomins call it winter. And whatever winter is, it means we can’t stay here. Maybe I should have tried harder to look playful, cute and lively. Apparently, we can’t stay in these nice grassy runs because of winter, and have to move indoors. Hoomins come, and put us into these horrid things, where the bars are wider than the openings, and it smells horrid. 

‘These are pet carriers’, said one of the other buns. ‘That awful smell is plastic’. 

I don’t like plastic. I can’t walk properly. Instead, I’m slipping and sliding around, and crashing into the sides. Then it gets worse. The whole ground shakes, and its so noisy. The hoomin voices sound different. 

‘We’re in a car’, hissed another bun. 

If winter is to blame for me being stuck inside a pet carrier, in a car, then winter had better watch out when I get my paws on him, her, or it. He, she, or it, is in for some serious claw raking. And teeth. I am going to bite winter as hard as I can, as often as I can, for as long as I can, until winter runs away, and I can go back to my nice run at the rescue.

I hate cars. And pet carriers. And winter.

The car has stopped, but the carrier soon starts moving again. But not for very long. I’m lifted out, and put into a small wooden prison. Hey, let me out, I’m not the bad guy, its winter you want to put in prison, not me. Come back, hoomin, come back. Don’t walk away and leave me. Come back…

I open my eyes. What a nightmare I had. No, wait, it wasn’t a nightmare? I’m in prison. Why? 

‘It’s not prison, we’re in a foster home now’

‘What? For how long?’

‘Who knows. Probably forever’

‘Is this what they meant by a forever home, then?’

‘Nope, if we don’t get picked for a forever home, this is where we end up’

‘But it is still forever’

‘It might be’

The days pass slowly. There’s nothing to watch to pass the time. I rest my head on my paws and dream of being out in the sun, eating grass. Then one day, after many, many long slow days where all I can do is dream the hours away, our foster mum comes rushing into the shed that’s been my home for many hoomin months. She is excited, and tells me she’d had a phone call, and someone is thinking of adopting me. 

‘That means a forever home for you, you know’ 

‘Does it? Really? Without even having to look cute? Or lively? Or playful?’

The next few days pass in super slowed down motion, then the dreaded pet carrier approaches and it’s time to see what all the excitement about a forever home is all about!

[Vienna Blue in France]

And we all know the second episode !!! YAYYYYYYYY !!!!!!

[Gina.Jenny]

Chapter two

The car stops. I can sense foster mum’s excitement, and slippery or not, I start circling in the carrier.

I hear the sound of a door opening, and the smell of buns wafts out. Clearly there are other buns here. And another smell. They have weeekies here. I recognise that smell from the rescue. Anywhere that smells like the rescue is promising.

The hoomins are talking, it doesn’t sound like there are too many, or any so called smaller ones, with long arms that always reach out to pick us buns up. I’m lifted out of the carrier and put into a very small run, on something very soft. Hold on, I need to sniff this and see what it smells like. Opps, sorry, back to telling my story. Smells are important though, you know! There is something on top of the soft stuff, something that smells good. Oh yummy, this is tasty. Kind of like tiny bits of hay, only sooo much tastier. One of the new hoomins asks if I’m enjoying the dried grass. So, I know now that it’s dried grass, and of course I’m enjoying it, it’s grass!

Now I’m caught, this dried grass is just begging to be eaten, but there is so much to smell, and so much to see. I have missed being able to look around and see things going on outside my run. Life in a hutch in a shed is safe but not much fun. Ooooo, another bun is being carried in. I can smell she’s a girl from here. My paws go up against the bars by instinct, I want to smell out this new bun.

She is put in another run beside me. She is straight up to her bars, sniffing at me. Play it cool. Sniff to the side. Use this as an excuse to take a few more mouthfuls of this wonderful dried grass. Turn my back, no, I’m back up against the bars before I know it. I like what I smell so far, but she’s not so sure.

She’s sat washing. That’s promising. A wash seems like a good idea. See, I can wash too, little girl bun. I’m no more scared of you than you are scared of me! OK, so she can wash for longer than me, who cares. The grass is still begging to be ate, the smells are calling from every direction, and there’s still so much to see. I think I’ll stretch out for a bit. Oh gosh, how did that happen, I just happen to have stretched out along the side of the run closest to the girl bun. That was of course totally accidental, but given its where I landed, I’m staying put. Its handy for keeping an eye on her keeping an eye on me keeping an eye on her keeping an eye on me… I’m talking in circles here. Must be all the excitement. 

She’s lying down too, and she’s used my trick! We are almost side by side. I wonder what it feels like to actually lie side by side. I’d like to find out!

The hoomins are talking, and foster mum is standing up. She’s picking up the pet carrier. No wait, I’m not ready to leave! Oh, the carrier is leaving without me. Good, and remember if you ever come near me again, my claws will scratch at you, you nasty plastic thing. The girl bun is lifted out and carried away. Bring her back! No, wait, will the hoomin come back for me? My paws go back up on the bars. Hoomin, this is not, I repeat, not an invite to pick me up.

Okaaaay. So we need to work on communication. I did say, quite clearly, not an invite to pick me up. Down again already? Good. So you got my message. A bit late, but better late than never. Ooooo, fresh hay.

Hey, this run has no bars. Yay, I’m freeee! The hoomins haven’t noticed I’m free yet. Strange. I could swear they are watching me, but no, they can’t be? So many smells. My nose hasn’t had this much fun since I don’t know when. Hey, look at this mountain. it is really begging to be climbed. OK, its higher than it looks. Still, the view from half way is fine. And back down. Gosh, that deserves a nap. Right here. Right now.

[Bam]

Naawww, I love this story!!! The first part made me tear up, even if I know it all will turn out so great for him 

And the pictures! He’s so cute it’s unreal almost!

I’ve started picking and drying grass on my fruit- and mushroom-dryer som my buns too can get dried grass when there’s no fresh to be had. 

[Gina.Jenny]

Chapter 3

It’s early morning and I’m waking up for the first time in my new forever home. I like it here so far, and hope foster mum isn’t in any hurry to come back for me. The hoomins set me up near three other buns, the girl from last night, and a boy and girl who are in together. I wasn’t left close enough to properly check any of them out, same as at the rescue, but at least we can see each other. They all smell nice and healthy. There are only two weeekies. They keep putting their paws up and their noses are twitching so hard towards me they could almost pass for miniature buns. They have such funny hairless paws though. Which reminds me, time to give mine another wash. 

The other buns look up, and start running around like crazy. I’m not too sure, are we safe? Hey you three, what’s all the excitement? I can hear noise above us, but its not familiar. Thud, thud, thud, but the others seem more excited than scared. OK, so it was a hoomin coming down the mountain, my mountain. Hoomin, just remember that is my mountain, I have claimed it, its mine! 

The hoomin comes up to me a using their funny words. It’s a she-hoomin, and she sounds friendly. She bends down. Hey, picking me up is not friendly, hoomin. Never, no way, not friendly and not polite. You didn’t ask, and I didn’t invite you to touch me, never mind pick me up. 

Yay, I’m free! Mountain, I’m coming back to see you. Yes, I’ve made it to the top today. Sniff, sniff, sniff. The other three have all climbed my mountain too. And another bun who isn’t here now. Time to run down. Wheeeeeeee! This is such fun. Back up, back down, back up, back down. I could do this all day. Back up, back down, back up, back down. Oooof. I suddenly can feel my legs like never before. Come on legs. Back up, back down, back up. No, they can’t manage another up. Naptime. Now. On the side of my mountain.

I’m lifted up again, and put back in the run, which has moved back to where it was last night. The girl and boy buns are set free. The girl is straight over to me, sniff sniff, sniff.

Hey girl, do not trim hair from my butt. Not allowed. Here comes the boy, I hope he is friendlier.

Yes he is friendly. I like him.

And yay more dried grass! Yum!

[Q8bunny]

Oh, GJ, these are lovely! Chapter 1 made me cry – sweet Podge.
I’ve been having a rough few days and it was just so nice to get in a bunny’s head for a bit… still feeling blue but not as awfully blue.

[Gina.Jenny]

Chapter 4

It’s been nearly 7 hoomin weeks since I arrived in my forever home, and so much has happened. First, I am now living with Gina, who was the little girl bun I came to meet. It didn’t take her long to recognise that I was top bunny, and it is as nice to lie beside her as I thought it would be. She has this cute way of using me as a pillow, which I really like, and she grooms me nearly any time I ask, which I like even better. Its great, cos she can reach all the places I couldn’t, and she is very thorough, which I like even better than better. 

The hoomin, who I have learnt to call mum, took longer to train than Gina, but we are making some progress. The other boy bun here, Pippi, had already made a good start on some essentials, like making sure we get outside soon after the sun has woke up on sunny days, so we get out when the grass is still all dewy. It tastes great like that, and I agree with Pippi that it makes the morning paw and face wash so easy. Pippi thinks we should stay out all day, but I agree with Gina, that its better to come in when the sun is overhead, and it is getting too hot, so we can sleep inside, in the cool, and then be nice and fresh to have fun racing around with Gina in the evening. For some reason, mum carries me in and out in the pet carrier, although Gina gets carried in mum’s arms. Mum says this is to help me overcome my dislike of the carrier, though I really don’t see why that matters. Though it does save me being carried, which I hate as much as I ever hated the carrier, so maybe mum does know best once in a while. 

Mum still needs training one the matter of grooming and manners. When I first arrived, mum gave me a really good grooming behind me ears, and it felt soooo good. But she didn’t realise that now I have a bun doing the job properly, mum should leave it to the expert. Plus doesn’t she know its rude to groom without an invite? I excused it at first, cos she hadn’t be taught any better, plus I enjoyed it when I didn’t know how much better a bun is at grooming than a hoomin. But seriously, she needs to leave me alone now, and accept that she will never come close to being as good at grooming as Gina is.

Pippi is a pretty cool bun. He is older than me and the girl buns, and seems to know lots. He and I would most likely be good friends, but his girl bun, Jenny, won’t accept that I am top bun, even though Pippi and Gina do, and she will keep trimming the hair of my butt. So far, I’ve remembered I am a gentlebun, and not retaliated, which is made easier, cos Gina does that for me anyway, and goes for Jenny any time Jenny nips my butt. 

The two weeekies usually go along side us buns out in the garden. One is sort of a weeekie version of me, with a cool mane. His name is Latte, and for a weeekie, he is pretty OK.

When I first arrived, I thought the mountain, which I now know are called stairs, was one of the coolest things about being here. Now I can say, paw on heart, chasing up and down the stairs with Gina is even cooler than I ever thought anything could be. Tonight was good. Gina showed me how much fun digging up the carpet outside the upstairs doors we aren’t allowed through is, and with two of us, we can really show that carpet who is boss. Mum didn’t agree, so we had a race downstairs, which I won, of course! Gina says that I only won cos she was too busy spying out if there was any chance she could sneak back past mum and carry on attacking the carpet, but she thinks mum has got too wise to her now. So we got back at mum for spoiling our carpet digging fun by doing lots of binkies before she could catch us up with the camera.

Then it was time to chill out, while Gina played a game she calls ‘eat the homework’, whatever that means? I still have a few things left to suss out, but that one will keep for another day.

[Niamian]

So glad to hear Podge is very busy. And now that I have seen the famous stairs Even I as a hooman understand the trill.

[Q8bunny]

Oh, Podge. How right you are about the dewy grass and washing.

[Gina.Jenny]

Chapter 5

Well I have been so cross, I have to share. Every day, I have gone out to the garden and back in in that nasty plastic carrier, learning to trust it just like mum said. IT WAS A TRICK! Twice. I went in, no fuss, all ready to go out to the garden, and not only was I kept in there, but taken to THAT NASTY PLACE, full of nasty smells and scary sounds, that hoomins call ‘the vets’. 

The first visit was the worst, I got taken out, and a cold round thing pushed against my chest, then my tum, both sides, way too many times. Then mum has the cheek to hand over my poops to the vets. MY POOPS, MUM, MINE! The vet took them away, and didn’t have the manners to bring them back. Then she hurt my neck twice, and mum did not stop her. No OK, mum, not at all. 

Mum then realised she was out of order, and took us home and straight out in the garden. But later, when we came in for the night, instead of being contrite and making it up to me, mum shoved a nasty bit of plastic in my mouth, full of the foulest yuckiest tasting water ever. I tried to spit it out, but it stuck to my lovely white fur, and I had to lick it off. So unfair. So wrong. 

The second visit to the vet, it was Gina’s turn to get a sore neck, I kept quiet in the carrier and hoped I’d wake up safe at home. Again, in the evening, mum gave me that super foul water. She tried again tonight, and I finally had enough of telling her I didn’t want it and being ignored. No bun will ever have nasty water from that plastic again. I bit it so hard I killed it. Mum seemed a bit wary putting her finger in my mouth to pull it off my teeth, I don’t know why, I wanted it of and out of my mouth, and gone for ever. Mum did not seem to impressed with how quickly I killed it. It must have hypnotised mum, but now it is dead, I won’t need to finish that yucky water, right mum? Mum?

Mum wont answer…

[Vienna Blue in France]

How much yukky water do you have to have Podge – Zou reckons it actually tasted OK with a couple – no more than 2 drops or else it smells too strong – per square of Shreddies. It was actually OK…. Can Mum not mash it in banana for you? Or have you got that horrid trick suss’ed out too ?

[Gina.Jenny]

Mum says two more days

Vet told mum to try mixing it with pineapple juice, but mum was one step ahead of me, and tried me on pineapple FIRST, so she didn’t waste any yucky water when it turned out I don’t like pineapple! Its aniseed flavoured, the vet said, and mum says nothing will really stop that taste?

[Vienna Blue in France]

Bunny burrito it is then, and with 2 people so he feels outnumbered – I couldn’t believe at the vets the other day Zou ‘let’ me (or rather, endured) being picked up by front paws to sit up and back on her hind legs so vet could examine belly ! I WAS holding her very tightly, she didn’t really have a choice, but I think with 2 people she sort of gave in…. or went into that bunny trance….. try covering his eyes up too…. that sends them into a “don’t move now Ethel” poise…

[Q8bunny]

Buns for the humane treatment of Podges! Stick it to the hoomans! *pumps ear in the air and then hops off giggling with a head toss to watch the riot from under a shady tree*

[Bam]

You do need your yucky water so you must try and bear with your mummy.

The taste of anisseed will propably escape every attempt at masking it.

[Doomzies]

This is so cute!! I want to read more!!!

[Gina.Jenny]

Chapter 6

It’s now been 12 hoomin weeks since foster mum bought me to my forever home. Mum has behaved better the last couple of days, and didn’t try and give me any more yucky water. She knew I’d keep biting those nasty plastics in half if she did. It’s important to use the right techniques in handling your hoomin, you know! 

Its been a wet week, and mum said that left the ground too wet to go out as much as usual. Mum does go out and bring some grass n stuff in, but she never brings enough, and she makes us all share what she does bring. Just cos its raining is no excuse for her to not go back out and fill the bowl again. Note to self, more training needed on amounts of grass, dandelions and clover mum needs to gather when its raining. Mum says she has ordered two pet hammocks, which will mean we can go out longer on wet days, as we can get off the ground, and stay dry under that blue, funny smelling sky mum uses. The hammocks are meant to keep us cool on hot days too. I really have no idea what a hammock is, but it sounds interesting, so hurry up, hammocks, so I can see what you are, and are you worth getting excited over.

Mum got some weird new pellets yesterday, they smell and taste a bit strong, though Gina says she is starting to like the taste. Mum did at least have the sense to mix them with the long crunchy ones I love, so we all got to choose which ones we wanted to eat. All this training mum is getting us buns somewhere. 

That funny window the hoomins call telly has been full of grass, but I’m not allowed near enough to see if I can get to that grass to tuck in. The tiny hoomins keep running around the grass, don’t they realise you can’t eat grass on the run? Silly little hoomins on the telly, slow down, and start eating. Scratch that, clear off, and let us rabbits come and do the job properly.

Jenny has been annoying, she has chinned the rolling blue tunnel all over, AGAIN. I’ve told her that tunnel is mine, and re-chinned it. Its a good job chinning is so much fun. Pippi claims the tunnel is his, and says that it is, cos he dug it out. I said its still mine, I chinned it last. End. Of. Story. My tunnel. My mountain. But our forever home.

[Niamian]

You start chapter 1 feeling sorry for Podge but at the chapter 6 you kind of start feeling sorry for the character known as the Mum. Lol

[Gina.Jenny]

I know, the hammock’s are too small for hoomins to use, and Podge has reserved them for exclusive bunny use anyway, how unfair can you get 

[Bam]

So glad you are starting to see some real progress with Mum, Podge. Training a human takes lots of patience and many repetitions, but it can be done.

[Gina.Jenny]

Podge says it defo takes lots of patience and many repetitions to train a hoomin, but he also says it is defo worth the effort, and he wouldn’t be without his mum, even in spite of five doses of yucky water! And he says although he would never admit it, he does appreciate his mum going out in the rain to collect yummies, even though once she is wet, he doesn’t understand why she doesn’t collect more each time.

And he is very excited to find out what a hammock is, and hopes to share photos later on today, but only if the hammock is suitably photogenic 

[Gina.Jenny]

My hammock has come, and I have the best mum in the world  I’ve even forgiven her for insisting on clipping my claws before the hammocks came.

I love, love, love my hammock

I got mine first, then I got to test it out while mum put Pippi and Jenny’s hammock together.

[Q8bunny]

Aww… you can chin the hammock all over, and show Jenny what’s what, Podge.

[Gina.Jenny]

I’m saving the fun of chinning it til later! 

Mum knows I like to watch footie, and she put some of those new pellets on the carpet, just where I sit to watch telly. I thought I owed it to mum to be nice to her, after her getting me my hammock, so I ate a few, just to make mum happy. Then the two younger hoomins started doing what must have been meant to be binkies, and making lots of noise, so I did a few binkies once they stopped, partly cause everything is so exciting today, and also to show them how to binky properly. 

[Bam]

You really do take such good care of your hoomins, Podge. Didn’t mum binky?
Really awesome hammocks!

My Bam likes to watch snooker on tv. I don’t.

[Gina.Jenny]

You’ve heard of picnic hampers, meet my picnic hammock 

As you can see, I was so fast, some of the picnic landed on me 

Mum insisted the picnic got shared with Pippi, Jenny and the weeeekies

Poor weekies are too small for a hammock….

[Vienna Blue in France]

What’s so fun about the hammock? Is it bouncy ?

[Gina.Jenny]

Nope, but it is great fun to jump on and off, and fun to go under. And it is comfy too.

Here is me in one of my favourite poses, with my front paws stuck out in a super cute way, also doing the hammock helicopter ear

And here are Pippi and Jenny, doing the hammock double banana pose

[Bam]

They look so perfect. My buns have IKEA beds, but they’re too low to go under, and that’s a big minus.

[Gina.Jenny]

Mum says we can take them out in the garden tomorrow and you are so right, they are bunny-perfect

And they will be even better than perfect if they do what they are sold to do, and help us all stay cool on hot days 

And another even better, we have all made mum so happy cos we all took to them straight away, and have been on and off, under and over all day long. Mum says we will all sleep sound tonight!

[Niamian]

What a great day you had Podge!

[Q8bunny]

Well done, Podge lad. Hope you’ll save some proper bunny binkies for my team too (go Italy!).

[Bam]

Q8, I don’t think Italy needs Podge. Sweden on the other hand could use a thousand Podges. But there can be only one. And I think he’s rooting for England?

[Vienna Blue in France]

AHHHHHHH cooling down from underneath !!! Cunning plan !
I must say if Zou got one, she would toss it over her shoulder a dozen times before realising it should be up the other way !!! LOL

[Gina.Jenny]

Podge is outside in the garden, leaving me to reply for him for now. He was thrilled that hammock came out with him, jumped straight on and binkied on hammock inside the run. Happy Podge! Unhappy camera, as I couldn’t catch that binky! 

The boys are defo rooting for England! Given Podge and Pippi have to take turns for floor time, thanks to Jenny, it just was luck that Podge just happened to be watching when that late goal went in. Though Podge was a bit confused, as he couldn’t see a dragon anywhere

I had wondered if either hammock would get attacked, but even Jenny didn’t, they all took to them like ducks to water 

[Vienna Blue in France]

I SAW the entire England Football team yesterday !! I did !! They were only 20 yards away…
OK so they were going down the Lille-Paris motorway in the opposite direction with a police escort, BUT I saw them !!!

[Gina.Jenny]

Podge says he is staying out in the garden right now, but to keep his friends happy, he will cheer with his left ear for Italy, and his right ear for Sweden

[Bam]

Yay for Podge!!! He’s a real diplomat on top of everything else!

Vienna, that was cool!

[Q8bunny]

Tres cool, Vienna!

And Podge, you’re a real gent. Many thanks, dear furball.

[Gina.Jenny]

Podge’s ears didn’t get overworked 

He’s spent the afternoon snoozing on his hammock, and is now having a lazy wash, back legs still banana’d from his siesta 

[Bam]

No, he certainly didn’t have to exert himself. One elegant flicker if the right ear and that was it

[Author]

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