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Forum HOUSE RABBIT Q & A How soon is too soon?

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    • Paradigm
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      479 posts Send Private Message

        Mr Roger died on Wednesday. He meant a lot to us. There were many reasons I’m sad that he’s gone because of himself but there’s others that were about having a pet in general – I’m pretty rubbish at making conversation (I have autism) and he gave me something light to talk about; he gave me something to care for when I was too sad to want to care for myself and he was someone to talk to, or just be with when I was sad. I’m not very good at talking to people about my feelings unless I’ve prepared and I’m even worse about responding empathetically so it was nice for my wife to have something fluffy when she was sad.

        He also gave us lots to laugh about. He was a pretty perfect rabbit and we’re worried we wouldn’t get another as great as him. We ought never have had him in the first place (we’re not allowed rabbits where we live and they inspect our room three times a year and come and do maintenance on their own schedule. 24 hours notice is not always enough to find somewhere for an animal to stay). We were lucky that he destroyed very little of our stuff and could be fully free range. He was very messy and this made it even more difficult to keep our tiny place tidy and my wife gets upset if things aren’t clean.

        We shouldn’t get another pet, but I feel lost without one. We ought to wait a year until we live in a different place, where we won’t be inspected all the time.

        I really like lionheads but my wife thinks it would be better to get a very different bun. She’s even considered a large bun and doesn’t ordinarily like them much. 

        I want something to take care of, but I would hate for them to live in Mr Roger’s shadow. We knew Mr Roger was ours from the moment we met him. I want to love them of their own accord and I don’t want people to think I’m callous for replacing Mr Roger too soon. Thinking about owning another pet makes me feel more relaxed, but that might just be planning in general.

        We can’t really afford to buy two new buns plus all their neuters and vaccinations in one hit or at least not without a stretch (though we could afford their ongoing costs). As far as I know, only one place near us allows us to adopt rabbits without a home check and they don’t always have rabbits in. This place also only takes a donation and pays for all the costs we couldn’t afford outright.

        I’ve considered getting rats because they’re very likely to be friendly and they’re small enough for us to keep two. 

        For those of you who got a pet after the passing of another – how did you know it was the right time?


      • Roberta
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        4355 posts Send Private Message

          There is really no time frame. Yes, it is better to wait until you are in a place you feel comfortable but only you can judge when is the right time.


        • Cottontail
          Participant
          1070 posts Send Private Message

            We recently lost our Peter, and I was crushed. I wanted nothing more than to rewind and have him back, as like you and Mr. Roger, Pete was family from the first moment. I spent some time to remember him, and to make him a small memorial. It helped to be able to have something to be a visual reminder of him (not that it was needed, but it is comforting), and I also made an effort to organize some written memories of him so that I would always have them.

            I guess what my point is that you need to mourn in your own way. To make sure you have ways to be reminded of the good times, and try to forgive yourself for those that weren’t so good. I still beat myself up at times for not knowing better, but I also know now how much better to care for others because of the ordeal. I think in time you’ll find this to be true for you, as well.

            We adopted Duncan about a month after losing Pete; and it wasn’t because he was the first bun available; or even the first bun that I felt needed a good home; it was just that gnawing feeling in my stomach and my heart that we HAD to make him part of our family and take care of him. I admit that a couple times when we first started to see him perk up at home, after bringing him home, that there were slips where we started to say Peter instead of Duncan… but that’s not because we were replacing him—it was because he was filling some small gap in our hearts. Now he’s fully Duncan, Dunky, Dunny-bunny… but I am happy that we found each other and that I didn’t just jump and adopt the first needy bunny that we saw. When you are ready to accept a new family member, and you’ve healed enough to love another, you’ll know; and you’ll know it when you see that special fellow/girl, no matter what species they turn out to be.

            Give yourself time and permission to heal. Talk and cry as you need to. When you and your wife are ready to move on, you’ll know. There is no set timeline.
            {{good vibes}}

            I am truly sorry for you loss, but I hope that the good memories of Mr Roger help you to heal, and that you never forget them.
            *hugs*


          • jerseygirl
            Moderator
            22338 posts Send Private Message

              I just wanted give my condolences to you and your wife. I hadn’t realised Mr Roger has passed away. I just went to read the thread about his ears.
              ***Binky Free Mr Roger!***

              As for time frames in getting a new pet, I think it’s such an individual thing. Some need a lot if time to grieve and don’t feel ready (emotionally) to take on the needs of another animal. (Sometimes not prepared financially too if they had a lot of vet bills).

              Others find a new animal helps them heal from the loss of another. And sometimes, another just presents itself and it feels right to welcome them to your home.
              I can only say to take things day by day and stay open. Sorry if that sounds vague!


            • Paradigm
              Participant
              479 posts Send Private Message

                No, it’s fine to be vague. I guess it’s a “how long is a piece of string” question.

                Thanks for being around. You’re a very supportive community.

                We didn’t keep Mr Roger’s ashes but I do love what you did for Peter.

                Today we got the bus to see the pet shop further away than our usual one but of the same family – the vets is in our local pet shop and I knew I didn’t want any of the rabbits there.

                It was a good trip. On the way there we talked about our plans for the future – my wife wants to learn sign language in case we have deaf kids (I also have a hearing loss and have been told the odds could be as high as 50%).

                We decided before we went in that we would only buy a rabbit if we truly felt connected to it, not because we felt sorry for one or wanted another one at home and not if only one of us liked it.

                I was fairly sure we’d come home with nothing but was relieved by giving myself permission to get a new one.

                At first we could only see two pens and we didn’t connect to any of them. I was ready to have a poke around and go home.

                We found one rabbit who was up for adoption but we didn’t connect with him either.

                Then, there was a third, more hidden, pen. There were three brothers in there. Two mottled one sandy and they were what we were looking for.

                We talked about it for a bit, held them and then went to talk some more. My favourite was the sandy one when I held them but he was too quiet and I kept wondering about the online things that said to pick a lively rabbit. He was also the runt. Mr Roger was really quiet and I didn’t want another ill rabbit.

                We debated getting all three but we really can’t afford three and don’t have room.

                So, we bought the other two.

                I’ve had pets most of my life and in the periods where I and even when I had only the hamsters I never quite adjusted.

                We shouldn’t have a rabbit and my wife would have waited a year but she wants me to happy.

                They came with vouchers for a health check and their vaccinations and we can afford their neuters.

                We were going to call them Rampent and Duracell but apparently it’s the Engergiser bunny not the Duracell bunny and my wife insists they match.

                We’ve called them Fred and George because I think I’d mangle Gred and Forge.

                George has one ear up and one ear down which we found extra amusing.


              • NicholasCage
                Participant
                8 posts Send Private Message

                  Life is too short. Do what makes you happy. Get another rabbit!

                  I’m sure Mr. Roger enjoyed every second he spent with you


                • Bam
                  Moderator
                  16838 posts Send Private Message

                    I wish you all the best with Fred and George.


                  • Paradigm
                    Participant
                    479 posts Send Private Message

                      That’s Nicolas.

                      I feel really relieved now I have them – like I can miss Mr Roger for Roger instead of what he represented.


                    • LittlePuffyTail
                      Moderator
                      18092 posts Send Private Message

                        My condolences on the loss of Mr. Roger. I’m glad you found some new buns to open your heart to. I wish you many bunderful years together.


                      • Paradigm
                        Participant
                        479 posts Send Private Message

                          It’s been very hard. I miss him lots.

                          It’s a bit easier now that it’s not so quiet and I’m chasing around after these lunatics.

                          I did call George Mr Roger earlier.

                          I never did get the videos of Mr Roger on my wife’s camera. I tried to get some of Fred and George but my wife quickly lost patience. She says here camera is for photography not videography but I think she feels bad that she wouldn’t let me use it for him.

                          She thinks I should at least edit the videos of Mr Roger from my phone first but neither of us can bring ourselves to do it.


                        • Paradigm
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                            She does think they’re very cute though. She was a bit worried about them not being as friendly but I pointed out that they’re still very new and have t a clue where they are.

                            Considering how new they are, I think they’re both doing well. George has been licking us and follows us about and Fred will have strokes if George is nearby but loves to lay about 50cm away from us if he’s not.

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                        Forum HOUSE RABBIT Q & A How soon is too soon?