i gave my bunny up…

[Sydney's Mom]

October 4th i signed papers and relinquished my Sydney to a house rabbit society member in Wilmington, NC…

 

Let me explain my story… I had asked my boyfriend for a bunny one day.his response “hell no, you want one, get it yourself”. Not sure why he took it so seriously, because i ask for furkids all the time. I wasn’t serious and he knew that. maybe 8 months later, it’s V-day, we had a pretty bad falling out a couple of weeks before. He brought Sydney to me the 14th of February, 2012. 

I’ve never had a rabbit. I’m a cat person. But i didn’t want Syd to go back to the petstore (it was one of those tiny, wall to wall cages) and i knew if my boyfriend took him, he’d probably just let him out in the yard (Syd was only a couple of months old, his boy parts hadn’t descended).

It was a fast learning curve, i google and read and kindle’d like crazy. At first it was great. Actually the first 2 years where. In May of 2013 my Mandie (my cat), at the age of 19, was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism. Despite the methimazole, the transdermal tapazole when the methimazole seemd to make her sick, she declined. I was down to syringing her baby food and pedialyte – soon she couldn’t even hold that. She wasted away so i took her to the vet on the 29th of April. The dr could barely hear her heart beating. I hated the decision i made, but i could let her die of dehydration. Her organs were all shutting down, she had to have been suffering. 

It was the worst day of my life. 

The the stray kitty (he was a tom, and although he was never aggressive would Syd, i would NEVER have rusted him in the house unsupervised) i had been carrying for showed up in bad shape – FIV. I was fortunate to find a rescue that specialized in the care of FIV and FELV cats. So i took him there in January 2014. That was Sydney’s last friend. 

After Mandie past, Syd and I both mourned, but after Valentine was gone, he went into major stasis. Had to rush him to the emergency vet 2 hours away. I took several days off work, not sleeping, just syringing around the clock. Praying i was getting more in than he was spitting out. We got thru it. 

he had another bout in April from hair ingestion during his molt. He was so off and on, and i found myself rushing to the emergency vet at all times of hours, getting home with just enough time to settle him in, shower , dress and go to work. I need to add the nearest rabbit savvy vet is 2 hours away.

From then on out i kept raniditine and midazolam on hand, although it cost me $80 a month for unmixed meds to be sent to me.

I decided to get a kitten for Syd, thinking he had to be lonely and knowing I’d be working 10 hour workdays during the summer.

The kitten worked out great, i saw an instant improvement. But as she became healthier (she had roundworm, heavy infestation and was the runt) she started playing too rough. Syd didn’t like to be pounced on. And cats have certain times they go bonkers. I kept her nails trimmed but i could tell by the look in Syd’s eyes: he liked chasing her, but he HATED her chasing and pouncing on him. Most nights i had to give kitten a small dose on benadryl so she’d be less active. Syd also mounted the kitten, and i worried he’d hurt her. Syd is 5.5lbs, the kitten is under 5 (at the time she was 3.2) 

And Syd started to have a lot of calcium in his pee. I took him to the vet immediately in July and they ran urine test and agreed there was a lot of sediment. but wanted another CBC to see if his bloodwork was the same as his bloodwork in May. The doctor told me to carry on with the wet greens, and not to worry. I will also say i took him to avian and Exotic and the thing was, one doctor would recommend one thing, but the next time i went and saw a different doctor, they would disagree with the other doctor’s recommendation. so i was very confused.

In total, I spent about or maybe more than $2K on his bills from January until now, and I was very afraid. No more savings, care credit card at it’s limit. failing behind on utility bills. the only food i had in the house was for Sydney and the kitten. the most i could afford for myself was r amen, milk, and cereal…. as long as they were fed, i figured i was fine. 

I was at the point of “do i give up the kitty and Syd will be lonely and despondent?”… I reached out to the house rabbit society again in August, and then finally a lady said she’d take Syd, so long as i paid the 115 for his neuter.

after a lot of soul searching and praying and talking to facebook rabbit people who all agreed another bunny would be best (and knowing that i could NOT afford another bunny) I took syd to the lady 3 months later. I met the lady, met her buns. I understood when i met her why she was so short on the phone – she is a bunny person. She’d rather be around bunnies than other people, the same as i preferred being with my furkids. she and her husband instantly took to Syd. She remarked at how great he looked (i guess rescuerers automatically expect to see the worst. But instead she say a spoiled (i brought ALL his stuff: willow balls, hamaro treats, papaya treats, small pet select pellets and hay well over a months worse, fresh veggies in a tubberware container i had washed the night before, his cottontail cottage, and binky bunny maze, a book i had made about him, his medical history, likes and dislike, and history…). She assured me that Syd would go to someone she knows or a home she thoroughly reviews, and he will be happy with her until that day. She has shown me pics of him in his “room” in the bathroom. Of him out and about in the house. Told be how interested he was in the other buns, to the point he’d shake the bars of his exercise pen. He was neutered the 14 and she said that went well. Soon he will be meeting the other bunnies…

I miss him terribly. My life REVOLVED around Syd. I never left the work other than work and church and errands, because i was afraid he might get sick and need medicine and i have no one to ask to do that. i came home on my lunch breaks to put his lunch down and rushed back to work everyday. i checked on him as soon as my work alarm went off: check on Syd, check that he ate, check for poop and pee. That was my life since January. I was ALWAYS afraid that he’d get sick and i couldn’t afford the doctor, especially the emergency one, where i have to pay $100 just to come in, xrays where $235, subq and midazolam treatments cost $120. i kept thinking, the next visit, i won’t be able to afford rent and i’ll have to move in with family and Syd will be forced to his pen… 

I guess i am writing this to get this off my chest. Maybe hoping someone could assure me. I hated to do it, but i’m hoping another bunny will bring Syd happiness and peace. he was always trying to nap and snuggle with the kitten and groom her, but usually kitten would have no part or she’d lay there for maybe 2 or 3 minutes then run off. I even pushed his food tray close to hers so they could eat together. I only wanted Syd to know another bun and to have a friend for life. He wasn’t much for being held at all, i would get on the floor and rub him and he liked that for a bit before he’d run off…

i’m just so depressed, i miss him. i know he is in good hands. i didn’t leave him at a shelter. she has even gotten him to eat hay regularly something i could never do, no matter how many tricks and tips i tried from the vet and other rabbit people. I just hope i did the right thing. I’m going to start writing because I’m rambling. All my friends said “you had to do what was right for YOU” but i just wanted to do right by Sydney….

[MK]

Yes. You did the right thing.
I was in your exact situation, and I gave my bunny up as well. I still miss him (he passed away recently) but he was with a bunny that was his best friend, and he had everything I couldn’t provide for him (he also had money-draining health issues) I realized how happy he was with the proper medicine and care, and that helped. Its OK to get things off your chest, we all do that here
Sorry I couldn’t be much more help, all I can say is an over-used “I know how you feel” because I gave my bunny up too. But I am confident you acted in Sydney’s best interest.

[Sydney's Mom]

Thank you. over-used or not, it’s feels good to have someone empathize. I’ve always been the type to read the riot act to people who give up their furkids. i’ve NEVER done that before. 

it was financially and emotionally draining (to never leave the house, to never be able to hang out with friends, to always enter my house with my breathe held praying that everything was ok..) AND to have some b*tch doctor tell me “well. people who can’t afford rabbits shouldn’t go out and get one”) when she KNEW id didn’t go out to a store and buy a rabbit and she had all the extensive medical records from his visits and testing. i felt like i always had to take the verbal abuse because if i spoke out, they might be mean to Sydney…  To deal with that or doctor’s who i felt didn’t listen to my concerns and/or their mixed recommendations… it was exhausting.

I love him VERY much. i wanted to keep him but i had to think about long term. think about how often he’d just lay on the floor, not playing not getting up. That may have been why his pee was getting sludgy. I mean he did play with kitten sometimes, but i think when kitten ran off, he felt dejected so would just stretch out in the floor..

 when i go out grocery shopping the FIRST think i do is head to the greens aisle and get a baggie for his greens then it hits me again. The cashier’s know me and always ask “nothing for your bunny today?” and that hits me every time. he’s been gone for two weeks now, and i have a black rotten banana, his bowl of pellets, his greens which have shriveled in the container, and poops under my bed and couch that i CANNOT throw away. i wish i had thought to cut a little of his fur to keep. but i have pictures and youtube videos.

But there is a bunny shaped hole in my heart. i keep seeing Sydney hoping away from me to go outside on the porch. the way he’d flcik his feet out and then as he got to the door, he’d turn and look at me with the side eye, and then out the door. i think of the final time i hugged him and kissed the little white mark on the top of his head. I is incredibly painful. hwne my Mandie died, i didn’t know how i’d push thru, but there was finality in that. With Syd, when he is adopted i will never know what became of him, how he is doing. if he will get a little slice of banana everyday. or a dried apple chip. if he is with someone who will sacrifice the same way i did…

I hope Sydney finds a happy ending too. A bunny he can binky with, and eat with,and play “tag” with,  and groom and nap with. I wanted it to be CLEAR to the lady who took him in Sydney is LOVED. he is NOT homeless, if for whatever reason he can’t be bonded, i will come running for him. Sydney is VERY WELL cared for. He isn’t some abused, neglected bunny like she was used to seeing. When i had to chose between a bill or Sydney getting a test to make sure he was ok- i ALWAYS chose Sydney. I NEVER waited a situation out when i thought something was wrong. i did the VERY VERY best i could…

[MK]

And good for you for doing your best. You certainly loved and cared for Sydney magnificently. I know it hurts. I always feel a pang when I think of leaving my bunny at the shelter, even if it was almost a year ago. He was the sweetest little thing. Sometimes it has to hurt for a while, it is part of healing. When you feel ready, I would gather his things and designate a spot for them and any pictures you have. Somewhere where if you want to you can look at them, and remember your happy times together. Perhaps make a little memory table or box. that may help, it helped me when my first rabbit died. Just a suggestion

[LittlePuffyTail]

I’m sorry you had to give your bunny up. You obviously loved him very much to let him go.

[ScampersMom]

It is obvious how much you love/loved you bun. As caregivers to these amazing creatures doing what is best for them is not always easy. We have recently added a third bun to our house that came from a situation where the family circumstances had changed. Not everyone that has to rehome an animal is doing it for their own selfish reasons. Some do it for very selfless reasons. From your posts it sounds like you are not only grieving the loss of your companion but also your are feeling very guilty about the decision you have made. The way you write about him and all you have done for him shows you did this for him not you. You are not a selfish person that has viewed this animal as property. You have seen him as a living and feeling being. I know this won’t make the feelings of guilt less but know that there is nothing for you to feel guilty about. The decision was made with his best interest first. You have loved him so much that in order for him to be happy you are willing to brave the hurt that comes from loss. In my opinion you are a very brave soul.

[Cottontail]

I’m so sorry that it came to a point you had to give up Sydney, but I have to agree with the other members; it’s obvious that you were looking out for his best interest. Although it hurts to let him go, you came into his life for a reason. You gave him the best possible care and support he could get to let him know that it was okay to trust. You might not physically be there for him after he finds a new forever home, but from the sounds of it he will find a good one, and you’ve done your best to put him on the track for a long, healthy and happy life. Enjoy the memories, and know that you did the right thing for him.

[manic_muncher]

I really have nothing more to add to what’s been said, but wanted to share my experience with you. I had to take my dog to the spca 25 yrs ago. I didn’t want to do it, and I even tried to find other solutions, with the changed living arrangements (I moved out of my parent’s house). He was an outside dog on a chain to begin with, and when I first got him when I was 14, that wasn’t really an issue. I had spent all my time that I wasn’t in school outside with him. As I got older, began working and increased after-school activities, the attention he got became less and less, but I made sure to include him in everything I did whenever I was home. When I moved out, I worked more and more, I went to clubs at night and didn’t spent much time with him. Time spent with him had dwindled to feeding him, giving him water and a pat on the head, a hug, and then I’d see him again in the morning to say bye.

He wasn’t happy. It was a high traffic area of town and he barked non-stop, all day long. He’d knock over his water bucket and then have no water all day. I loved him, so I let him go. The HARDEST part of letting him go was coming to the realization that it was the best thing I could do for him. I wrote out a long history on him, written as if it were coming from his mouth, and the spca put it on his run, so people could see it. I also expressed that I didn’t want him to be put to sleep and begged to be allowed to retrieve him if that were to be his fate. They said that wouldn’t be possible, but told me I was free to check up on him if that would ease my mind. The very next day I was informed that he was adopted by a family, with two kids, that lived on a small farm. Honestly… I couldn’t think of a happier ending than that.

I’m very sorry you have had to make this decision. You did a good thing for Sydney thinking of his well-being and choosing the best person to take over his care. As for the bunny-shaped hole, I completely understand that too. Perhaps you could volunteer some time for a rescue to help fill some of that space. I know it isn’t the same, it won’t be your Sydney, and it may be too soon to even imagine it. But I’m willing to bet, just by how much you are agonizing about this decision, that it would be something that you’d find great joy doing.

[Sydney's Mom]

Thank each and every one of you. For sharing your experiences with me as well. I was in tears reading each on.

We don’t have an ASPCA in this area, just a high kill shelter, and i’ve been in there before. and it’s too too painful to go back in there.

A memory box sounds like a great idea. as much as Syd showed on the house, i have chewed doorways and areras he ripepd the wallpaper of the wall. heh…

i turned his FB personal page into a page page, that people can like or join. I just have to post his pics and videos. When Syd find a a new home, hopefully his book will go with him, and they will get in contact with me via his page.

Thank you all again! I’ll be sure to share any new news the HRS lady sends me…

[Author]

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