hubby sick

[bunnytowne]

Hubby was in hospital 21 days.  In p/t rehab I think 3 weeks now.  Major blood clots in both legs DVT.  IVC filter clogged it kept clots from going to his brain and heart.   Procedure was done to remove clots  and unclog ivc filter.  Since then he can’t use left leg.  It hurts  cramps so bad if he puts weight on it.  

Right leg weak doing p/t.  He is now lifting his left leg using it in p/t and put a sock on left foot.  All improvements.  He even crossed his left foot over right knee.  Improvement. 

Lots of pain tho.  Cramps.  He won’t be released til he can walk since he lives upstairs.  Doesn’t want downstairs.  

Then my apartment came thru.  Across the street.  He says take it.  Guess I should.  I will need a break from taking care of him.   Heis starting to yell at me when I go see him.  I go 3x a week.  Any more is too much.  I go by bus.  

I heard hospice worker telling mans daughter about hospice care in the home.  Daughter said I will be there.  Lady said no even caretakers need a break.  Made me think I will need a break.  I should not feel guilty taking that apartment.  I can come see about him.  He can get in home care come clean his home see about him get his groceries etc.  few times a week too.  HE is in pain so he is starting to yell loud at me.  He has always been a yeller to begin with.  I dont’ need that. He apologizes.  I understand cuz when I am in pain my back I get grumpy too.  

He wont let anyone else give him a shower.  I take him to shower in wheelchair he stands up I switch chairs push shower chair into shower stall give him the soap cloth shut the curtain and let him go at it.  That shower chair is hard to push.  This is hard on my back. 

The nurses nicknamed me Dr. Kawthar Nurse Kawthar lol 

After we lay in his bed resting ourselves his legs my back. lol   Had 2 fusions in my back and my knees from all this walking are hurting sometimes.  They have real good ice cream there too.  yum.  

We aren’t divorcing or anything just need our own space.  I can come see about him and stay with him sometimes etc. He hates me watching tv.  Gets mad picks at me.  I dont’ need that.  Says take all the tv’s he doesnt’ want them.  lol  yeah right.  lol 

[Sarita]

Oh no…vibes to your hubby. And vibes to you to Bunnytowne – good thing you have little Cotton to help you feel better.

I will tell you that my husband and I don’t live together 24/7 either – I see him much more now of course that he is getting treatment for his cancer but we lived mostly apart for most of our marriage – probably why we have stayed together :~) It’s worked over 15 years of marriage for us and we’ve been together over 20 years.

[Bam]

I’m sorry about your husband’s illness. Seems like the best thing that you live on your own and go visit him to help him – it will help you keep healthy and strong as you need to be. We all get grumpy when we are in pain (or most of us at least) but that doesn’t make it any fairer or nicer to the person who is trying their best to help us. So I can see how this is exhausting for you both. I hope he’ll improve. Sometimes it takes a long time though.

[bunnytowne]

Really.  Glad I am not the only one then.  Glad it worked for you. Maybe more marriages would work out this way.   I am sure it will work for us.  I can watch tv in peace Cotton can be in peace.  Not worry about Fouad yelling.  We love each other we dont’ want to divorce 

A friend who lives here said her and her hubby divorced they get along better now living apart than they did together.  HE lives across the street from her too. 

There are 3 couples here . They moved in seperately  and met up but are staying in their own places.  Seems to be working out. 

I dont’ feel so bad now.  Even our DR said we are so opposite and wrote a letter that we would be better off living apart.  In private he said not to divorce he agreed with us.  We just need our own space  to go to and see each other when we want to. 

Thank you Sarita this helps. 

[bunnytowne]

Yes Bam it will take a long time.  I know I get grumpy when I have been hurting for a while too.  Hubby said you get grumpy with everyone but Cotton.  Thats true.  Cotton is an innocent prey animal.   I can’t yell at him.  HE can’t feed himself or clean his litterbox or cage.  

People can get their own food etc. lol  or fouad could  he wants to be independent.  I see him doing things for himself.  HE manuevers himself in and out of that wheelchair good.  Reaches to close the bathroom door when he leaves it.  Doesn’t ask for help.  His stubborness will get him walking agian.  He is very stubborn.  Which helps in this situation  he is in  

Yes I will need breaks 

Oh the new apartment.  Everytime someone moves out or passes on the new apartments are getting redone comepletely.  Wood tile looking floors  brand new cabinets kitchen and bathroom  new doors  new colored paint.  All goes with my leopard spot pillows bedding bathroom set etc.  This will be nice.  But it is a small efficiency.  I may let Cotton have run of the apartment.  

[Sindri]

I am sorry to hear about your hubby. Don’t feel bad about needing a break from your husband. I am glad to hear he will be getting help with his care. Recently my husband’s father had a stroke and it was really hard on his wife to be his main caretaker. They did get some help for a little while. You definitely don’t need to be yelled or vise versa. Its not good on anyone. If being separate keeps things good between you two I think you should do that.

Have you gotten to move into your new apartment? The way you describe it it sounds nice. We lived in an efficiency once and it was so easy to clean so that’s a plus for you.

I wish you and your husband all the best and I hope he gets better soon. You and Cotton enjoy your new place together!

[LongEaredLions]

Oh BT how could I have missed this? How scary for you and him! I am sorry so much has been going on, and I agree with the others that you shouldn’t feel bad about needing some space. I hope your hubby gets better soon and I am so glad Cotton is with you through all of this.

[Megabunny]

All the best for you and your husband. I just recently read that it’s harder on spouses to be caregivers than it is on children to take care of their parents. I took care of my father with a battalion of help and it was rough. I won’t pretend to really understand your life right now, but we are all routing for you.The mundane chore of feeding and cleaning the animals had never been more welcomed. It’s relaxing and familiar. I’m glad he’s stubborn enough to get mad at the problem and work to beat it and get out of rehab. I hope this all eventually works to everyone’s beneft.

[bunnytowne]

Thank you so much everyone.  Your replies have been very helpful.  Yes I am all moved in as of today.  4 days.  By myself too.  Where I live people are over 55 mostly 65 and over with health problems.  

The help the neighbor gave was so so so helpful.  He moved 4 things and that you just dont’ know how helpful those 4 things were. 

Bought Cotton a rug today.  He is settling in.  Goes to his cage when I leave.  

HE finally figured out his greens are on top his cage and how to get there lol.  Oh here   he comes gotta go

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