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Forum BEHAVIOR Stickers is making me feel guilty

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    • Stickerbunny
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        Stickers has never been a very friendly rabbit. She was neglected/abused at her first home and I don’t think she’s ever let that go. Any noise startles her, any fast movements make her bolt. After about 8 months having her, I haven’t really been able to form a bond with her, she rejects my attention more than she ever accepts it. I didn’t feel so bad about it, because she had Powder for so long, but now that she’s broken up with him… and my rebonding attempts so far are not going great (she isn’t trying to kill him now, but she is ignoring him utterly and completely)… I feel guilty she is alone so much!

        I try to go in her room and spend time with her. I take a book, a tablet, whatever and ignore her – she pulls at my legs with her teeth and thumps at me until I leave. She accepts maybe 1-2 pets and a treat when I enter the room, but after that, all she wants is me to leave her alone and get out of her space. So mainly I am petting her if she’ll come to the baby gate blocking her room from the rest of the house and feeding her / cleaning litter boxes, because she won’t accept anything else and I don’t want to stress her. I tried doing it fresh out of the shower in case it was Powders smell, but same result.

        I feel guilty because Powder is with me 24/7 and so is the bird – both are cuddly pets, Powder sleeps in the bed and I feel like she’s being neglected  but she won’t accept my attentions… so it’s her choice, but I still feel bad. I mean she has the master bedroom to herself, free roam, pet beds, throw toys, dig toys, chew toys, shredder toys, two blankets, all my old clothes she took a liking to, a suitcase she likes to sleep in, a clothes basket she likes to sleep in, two big windows for natural light and fresh air… so it’s not like she’s living in bad conditions. I just feel like I am favoring one of my kids over the other, even though it’s her choice. Gah.

        Do you think she can be happy being alone most the time, but with all the entertainment she has in there? Should I just not try to force my attention on her, or should I keep trying to lay in there with her, even though it stresses her out? I just want the little bun to be happy, but she’s not making it easy! She does tooth purr when I pet her when she wants it, so it’s not like she doesn’t like me… well, at least not all the time. lol


      • Sarita
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          I think you are doing a bit of anthropomorphism. It sounds to me like she is happy the way she is :~)


        • Stickerbunny
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            Possibly. It just feels wrong to me to feed and water an animal and only give them pets occasionally. But I guess if that is what she wants, that is what she gets…

            Thanks, I think I just wanted reassurance I wasn’t being an evil bad slave like I feel like – both myself and the boyfriend feel bad for her, cause Powder gets so much attention and then she’s sitting there alone. She was left in her cage all the time at her last home because she wasn’t a cuddly pet.

            This was the cage we got her in that she lived in 24/7: 

            So I guess I feel a little over protective of her and don’t want her to ever feel neglected like she was in her last home!


          • RabbitPam
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              I think your hanging out in there with book and laptop will have a subtle, positive, long term effect. I would leave if she makes it clear she wants you to, but you may find the visitation sessions gradually get longer. Give her pets on request, and just be company if she tolerates you. Bunnies sometimes take years to change, and some not at all so I think your intentions are great but your time frame needs to be extended.

              Does she have a stuffed toy friend in the space? It sounds like a bunny palace, so short of eating bon bons on a chaise lounge, she sounds pretty well set up and enjoying her space to me.


            • Stickerbunny
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                She doesn’t like stuffed animals, short of peeing on them, she doesn’t do anything with them lol and they start to stink pretty fierce after she pees on them enough. She has a very limited amount of things she will tolerate in her room – the blankets have to be the right material, only certain articles of clothing, litter boxes have to be arrange just so, etc. Anything she disapproves gets peed on, destroyed or simply thrown out. Like the bird… bird isn’t allowed in her room, or she immediately tries to use him as a feather teaser toy and eat his tail feathers, which he does not approve of so flies away.

                I’m not too bothered if she doesn’t change, as long as she is happy with how things are… which I wouldn’t worry about if she’d stayed with Powder. *frown* It’s just that guilty feeling every time I lay down for an hour cuddling with Powder while he flops into my hands, especially if she’s sitting in her room watching. I feel a bit better with the reassurance that I am just being silly, but I don’t think I will ever not feel at least a little guilty about it. lol

                Funny you should mention a chaise lounge, I was looking at buying her a little lounge seat cause her foster mom said she loved the couch and she does like jumping up on things. Though, we should switch bon-bons with craisins…


              • LittlePuffyTail
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                  Don’t give up on trying to win her affection. It took Olivia over a year to become a friendly rabbit. I strongly suspect she was neglected and/or abused before I got her. I’ve had her for about 4 years now and she’s a totally different bunny than the bunny I brought home. She’s actually even more cuddly/friendly now than she was a year ago. She really enjoys attention and snuggles now (but it still has to be on her terms). Sometimes it takes them a long time to realize how nice a human friend can be.


                • Elrohwen
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                    Posted By Sarita on 02/29/2012 01:03 PM
                    I think you are doing a bit of anthropomorphism. It sounds to me like she is happy the way she is :~)

                    This, 100%.

                    Animals don’t hold grudges and I can assure you that she doesn’t remember her first home. Sure, some of her experiences will have shaped her overall personality, but a lot of personality is genetic too. Otto has had nothing but the best care his entire life and he’s often a grouchy little git who doesn’t want to be touched. It’s taken years to get him to the point where he even pays attention to me and comes over to me (still only for food, a couple pets and he’s off). Plenty of rabbits just aren’t cuddly, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t happy just living their lives.

                    Just keep spending quiet time with her and bring treats with you (even if it’s just hand feeding her pellets). And definitely don’t feel guilty! Rabbits don’t feel any self-pity, so I think anything you read into it is just anthropomorphizing.


                  • Stickerbunny
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                      I would have to disagree on animals not remembering their first homes. I have rescued abused animals my entire life, the first one I was I think 7 or 8. They all had behavioral issues stemming back to their first home. A dog who refused to eat out of a food bowl for years, because at her first home it would get her a beating. A bird that was scared to death to be touched with hands because he was grabbed instead of asked to step up. A cat that would never let you touch their tail because the kid used to pull it all the time. Another dog who was aggressive and for the first two years would try to bite us any time we came near, because she was teased by kids and mistreated by adults. Even Powder I can trace his problems back to his first home – he was caged nearly all the time, given little room to run as a result he came to us with poor muscle development and would tire out from just one run across the living room and need to sleep it off, he built up his muscles here but he has and always will have severe panic attacks if you put him in a cage, to the point I am pretty sure he would break his back or legs if I left him in a cage (slamming the bars, jumping into the roof and falling back on his back, attacking the bars with his teeth, he doesn’t calm).

                      Now, her not being friendly is just being bunny. But being terrified unless I announce myself and walk very, very slowly and make no sudden moves at all, ever even after this long I am pretty sure is from her first home and the child who owned her (special needs, I believe autism and no parental supervision for the interaction). When I first got her home, I couldn’t get within arms length of her without her cowering, shaking and peeing herself rather than running she was so scared. I have seen the same reaction my whole life from abused animals who have learned to fear humans, whereas a just not tame or not friendly animal will run if given the chance (which I always leave an escape route). She’s grown out of that, mostly, but it has taken a lot of work, just like with all the other abuse cases I have worked with.

                      Now, her caring that I spend time with the other pets and not her… I’ll agree I am probably doing anthropomorphism on that. lol Last night I pet Powder while she was at the baby gate then asked her if she wanted a pet and she gave me bunny butt and foot flicked me as she ran away like “Pft, don’t touch me, you lowly peon”.


                    • Elrohwen
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                        I didn’t say it wouldn’t effect their personality or behavior, but they don’t think back and feel sorry for themselves the way we do. I think people who rescue animals (in general, in my experience) can be too quick to assume the animal was abused – I see so many threads of people assuming a skittish animal was abused, though I know and have owned a couple skittish animals who only had the best life. I think it’s best to take their behavior as it is and move on to dealing with the behavior. Feeling sorry for them doesn’t help their issues and just makes us feel bad. I don’t think Stickers is sitting around thinking “Oh, my last life was so horrible. I feel the same in my new life because my new owner likes the other bunny more than me.”

                        Both of my bunnies have their issues – Otto is a grouch, and Hannah is a hyperactive skittish bun sometimes, but I know that both had good lives and were never abused or neglected. Hannah randomly freaks out when I come into the room sometimes, but she lived her first three years with a nice single woman who treated her well. It’s just who they are and sometimes reading too much into why an animal is the way it is doesn’t get us anywhere. Sticker’s issues could very well be related to how she was treated, but anthropomorphizing how she feels right now won’t make you feel better and won’t help her be more relaxed. I think animals can pick up on how we feel when we’re with them and pity and guilt don’t help their state of mind.


                      • Michelle&Lolli
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                          I think you need to quit worrying! If her behavior in general is still normal – eating, drinking, etc – and no acting out, she is perfectly content.

                          It took about 5 months AFTER Eddie passed away, before Lolli would have much to do with me. I got her as a baby so she grew up, if you will, with me and Eddie. From the moment I brought her home, she wanted to explore and ME to leave her alone. lol I have always felt so bad because Mr Attention Hog Eddie would always get all of the attention. But on the flip side, I usually got The Look, followed by ears back and leaving from Lolli if I tried to talk to her. LOL Eddie was 4 when he passed, Lolli was 3. She is now 4 and will be “snuggly” in her way. Her “snuggly” is allowing me to pet her and give her kisses when I’m hanging out with her. And it is still very much on her terms.

                          I think as you continue to spend time with her, she’ll probably warm up a bit more. It wasn’t until I tried laying on the floor for half the night and ignoring her before she finally came up to check me out. Then she slowly started giving nose bumps, mostly to my legs and feet. Then it progressed to allowing me to give nose pets with her sitting like 2 feet away and me having to stretch. LOL And now she’ll let me give pets and kisses. Unless she’s mad at me. I have just had to learn HER. She is very subtle and usually I don’t know she’s grumpy with me or she wants something until I FINALLY notice she’s giving me her butt or sitting there, staring at me like I’m an idiot. Eddie was much, much more obvious – butts galore, foot flicks, thumps, kisses, snuggles.

                          I think as you continue to spend time with her, she’ll probably warm up a bit more.

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                      Forum BEHAVIOR Stickers is making me feel guilty