West has passed.

Her chronic bouts of stasis were not improving.  The last one turned very severe very fast.  I wasn't going to let her be in pain.

She went very very quietly.  I held her in my arms while the sedation and painkillers took effect, and she just relaxed and you could visibily see the pain leaving her body.  She felt so much better, total relief from pain.  The vet took her in the back to give the final medicine, but she was non-responsive already.  She drifted out of consciousness in my arms, being pet and loved, and me telling her I'll always love her and I'll care for her til the very end, but that this wasn't the end.  We'll see each other again.

The final medicine was given and the vet said she didn't even flinch.  She was gone within a minute or two.

I miss my girl, but I am so comforted in the fact that I know she'll never be in pain again, she'll never be afraid again, and that she was ready.  It was 100% clear she had chosen her time to go.

Love you, little girl. 

Posted By bunnyfriend on 02/27/2012 08:37 PM
Reading this made me cry. I am so sorry. You really took amazing care of her and fought so hard for her. You were strong enough to make the best decision for her. Binky free West

Thank you so much for the kind words.
 

Posted By peppypoo on 02/27/2012 08:43 PM
Oh no I'm so so sorry...I've been following along hoping that things would work out . I'm glad though that West found someone to love her like you did...binky free, Miss West!

Yeah I truly thought things would work out too.  But after seeing her tonight, it was really clear that even if I got her through tonight, she was going to continue to suffer.
 

I swear Zeus knew.  He quite deliberately went up to her cage today, sat with her and watched her for a good minute, gave her a sniff, then slowly hopped away.  He never does that.  Now he keeps sniffing my hoodie covered in her fur, then staring at me, right in my eyes.  He's being super cuddly.

Posted By FrankieFlash on 02/27/2012 08:54 PM
Bunnnie, I'm so sorry. I'm having trouble finding the right words to say as I'm crying now too. I think you did amazing by her. You gave her the best days of her life and she was lucky to have you. I know she appreciated all you did for her. We will all miss hearing stories of her rabbitude. Binky free West!

I really appreciate it, thank you for the support.  When she was drifting off from the sedation, she was just cuddled up in my arms, totally relaxed and comfortable.  She trusted I would keep her safe.  The last few weeks we really bonded.  I'm glad for that, she had someone she trusted would protect her during the whole process.
 

Posted By Huckleberry on 02/27/2012 08:55 PM
I am so sorry to see this. We were all praying for her to pull through. It takes a great strength to make such a painful decision, West is lucky to have someone that is that loving and strong. Binky Free, West! You are loved.

I know, I got so much support from the BB members, and I'm so grateful for it.
 

Malp; Thanks for the kind words.

Posted By Monkeybun on 02/27/2012 08:59 PM
i am so so sorry

Binky Free little West. Watch over your mama from the other side of the Bridge. We'll miss you, pretty girl.

Thanks Monkeybun.  I know West is still with me, I told her I'd never leave her and I never will.  We'll see each other again.
 

Posted By emkvet on 02/27/2012 09:00 PM
I am absolutely bawling right now. I have followed you and West, and I was hurting for you when she was sick. You took amazing care of her and did everything right. It was hard to know that she was struggling. I couldn't believe it when I saw this post. I am unbelievably sorry for your loss, and am truly feeling for you. I think you are incredibly brave for letting West go; I believe that euthanasia is truly a gift that takes courage and love to give. (((BINKY FREE WEST))), and sending so much love and hugs to you, bunnnnnnie!

Thanks so much, I really appreciate it.  It was a hard decision but West definitely let me know she was ready.  Watching the relief wash over her little face made me feel so much better about the decision.
 

Thanks for all the condolences everyone, I appreciate it.

This morning has been hard.  Waking up and not having her there, throwing her little dish around demanding her breakfast.. I miss her.

Spending lots of time with Zeus.  He sniffed all over her cage this morning, looked at me, then hopped away.  Animals seem to understand and accept these things far better than we do. 

Posted By Sarita on 02/28/2012 05:34 AM
I'm crying right now. She was lucky to have someone who loved her so much and she spent her last few weeks in a place of comfort and happiness. I know making this decision was hard, but it was a very selfless thing for you to do. Hugs to you and I will light a candle for little West so she can cross the bridge and be whole again.

Thanks Sarita. I think that's one of the hardest parts, that I didn't have a lot of time with her.  But I keep telling myself, I'll see her again, we'll get to spend more time together again.
 

Part of me thinks this all was kind of fate.  My mom is probably going to be moving in with me for a few weeks (looks like she's getting a job here and has no place to stay), then we were going to have to be in a rental house for awhile, then finally into the house my family is trying to buy.  That's a LOT of change that West won't have to endure now.  She never did well with change, and didn't even like when other people were in the apartment besides me.  Instead she got to have her time with me uninterrupted, no big changes, where she got to relax and enjoy her environment.

Thanks guys.  I just ordered a little photo book of her from Walgreens, it should be ready later today.  I might take some photos of it to share with you guys when I get it.  I filled it with inspirational quotes about pets and loss of pets, I think it'll be a really nice way to remember her.

The vet's office also gave me a little clay imprint of her front paws.  It's drying right now, once it's dry I may paint it, I haven't decided yet.  You can even see her crooked leg in the imprint, one paw is facing forward and the other is a little eskew, haha.  It gave her character. 

Posted By Monkeybun on 02/28/2012 07:32 AM
What a nice little remembrance token for you

Yeah when the vet tech told me they give you a paw imprint I started crying (more than I already was).  It's beautiful, makes me feel like I still have a little part of her with me.

She is being cremated, but I opted to not get the ashes back.  It was extremely expensive (almost $400 for non-private ashes, meaning they do a group of pets at a time, so you get ashes back that is only partly your pet), and I really have nowhere to bury or spread them that would feel right.  She was most comfortable in my apartment, in her home.  So the paw prints are perfect, and I can't wait to see the book when it's done.

I will say the emergency clinic was great.  They were very sympathetic and the vet was surprisingly well-versed in rabbits.  They gave her large amounts of sedatives and painkillers before the final drug, and let me have all the time I wanted before administering the last drug.  I couldn't have asked for a better way to go for my little girl.  She was totally content to just cuddle up in my arms and doze off.  The vet did give me the option to stay for the final drug if I absolutely wanted to, but really persuaded me against it.  Like I said though, the sedatives and painkillers worked so well that the vet even said she was already unconscious before the last drug was given.

She left this world knowing I was there with her, keeping her safe, she'd never be alone again.

I miss her so much but I know she's been relieved of all the struggles she's had.

 

Zeus went into her cage (I haven't taken it down yet, and just left the door open so he could see she wasn't there anymore and "get" it), and promptly went into her litterbox and pooped and peed.  She had a little corner box, it was admittedly hilarious watching him smash his 10lb butt in it.  It was like an elephant sitting in a teacup.

Zeus says, "You wanted poops, I will give poops!"  Thanks for the "gift", silly bunny boy. 

Bunnnie, I'm incredibly sorry for your loss. I too was following her progress and thought it would all work out. I know she wasn't with you very long, but the days you had with her were surely the best of her life. You made the right choice, and I'm sure she is thankful. *hugs*

Thanks guys.  I guess that was the hardest part; I didn't get to spend that much time with her.  I wanted to give her a good, long life.. but that just wasn't in the cards.  At least it's better than if this were to happen at the shelter, they're not rabbit-savvy at all so they probably wouldn't have even noticed her being sick.

I took down her cage/pen, cried the whole time.  I might have to give the dog crate away or something, I'm having a really hard time looking at it all folded up.  Or maybe I'll just try and hide it for awhile.

I saved a handful of her shedded fur when I was cleaning things up, any ideas what I can do with it?

I have her memorial photo book back too from Walgreens, I'll post a few pics shortly.