Parental Harassment

[Lintini]

 I’m at my wits end. I thought everything was okay, my mom had just come downstairs the other night and said she didn’t smell anything. 

Today I woke up to my dad raging. He was already in a bad mood since he had the replace the water heater and told me my room smelled like a petstore and so did the entire house because of it. My mom has been trying to guilt me into finding Lion and Baggy a new home and I just can’t take it anymore. I got home last night from work after 11pm, so they went one day without a litterbox change. 

I wish they would just leave me alone. If you don’t understand me, then just go away. I don’t want to deal with it. I spend a lot of time and money keeping my rabbits healthy and happy so if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

My mom called me a animal hoarder.  I started crying. But yet she spends 5 hours EVERYDAY after work with her horse and doesn’t come home to have a family meal with us. But yet I am the one with the problem apparently. 

I can’t move out yet, I am not done with college and my crumby little job will not let me afford anything here in the bay area. I wish I didn’t care so much what they think, I am constantly feel like I have to impress them and make them happy and proud but it’s driving me into the ground.  I want to not care what they think. My brother is like that, he doesn’t care at all what they think. I want to be like that, but I’m not. 

I do my best to clean the boxes everyday and keep my room clean, clean up any stray poo when I see it. I don’t know what else I can do. The only thing I can think of is taking down my fish tank to give me a tiny bit more sanity so I won’t have to care for it. I just keep putting it off. But then I would only be taking it down to make my dad happy. See, why do I do that. Why does everything I do have to revolve around making them happy. 

I can’t help but think all my stress right now is due to having a bad time and work, coming home to being yelled at constantly. Now I love school because I can escape from both.

I am 24, I feel like I am 12.   How do I fix this???

[LizzieKnittyBun]

Aw Lintini, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I know how hard it is not to care about what your family thinks… I’ve lived with it myself. I’m afraid that you might not be able to “fix” it until you’re able to move out… I know how little comfort that is.

To look on the bright side, if that’s possible, try reminding yourself that at least they aren’t *forcing* you to give up your pets. Yes, it gives you unbelievable anxiety everyday to hear them go on and on about it, but as long as they aren’t the type of people to get rid of your animals in secret while you’re out of the house, then it could be a lot worse. There are some parents out there who do that kind of thing.

I think it’s hard for a lot of parents to accept when their children become adults, and I think this is especially true with girls. I adore my parents, and we’re very close, but when Stan and I were living in Florida, we felt like kids again because that’s the way we were being treated. Family members would come over and open our blinds, move our furniture around, hide our garden hose (because it looks bad if you can see it!), and tell us how to do this and that. I recognize now that they meant well… but it wasn’t wanted. It used to make me cry because I felt like nothing I did was ever good enough.

Now we live across the country, because it’s was my years-long dream to live in Colorado. My parents and family miss me really horribly (I know this because they tell me all the time, lol), but we are living independently and loving it.

It’s gotten a million times better. Family members have visited us, and no one moved a thing, commented about a thing, or told us what we *should* be doing, as opposed to what we *are* doing. They have complimented our apartment, our town, and how happy we seem to be (because we are!).

I do miss them so much… but sometimes you gotta move out before you get that respect that you so urgently need and want when you go into your twenties. It’s just that age where you’ve become an adult, but your family hasn’t quite realized it yet…

If at all possible, try to keep a cool head and take in stride, even if it seems impossible. Hopefully you can move out before too long and then you’ll have your own responsibilities without having to worry about everyone around you. While you’re working, can you put our feelers for a better job? I got one of my most lucrative jobs in the past by signing up for a free Monster account online. It’s easy, and you can set up an email system where Monster sends you a daily list of jobs you might like.

I sure hope it gets better for you!!

[Lintini]

Thank you very much Lizzy

I went upstairs sobbing tears to my dad. Told him that he was stressing me out beyond belief and that I always try to make him happy and I know now I am not but that it was eating me up inside. I told him about all my problems at work, here with him and mom, and just everything.

Then he told me what upset him. He said when he was in my room, and saw that Bee or Indy had pooped on my bed, he said it upset him greatly to know that they were doing that and I could be sleeping in it. I tried explaining that my top blanket is for them to mess up and that I wash it all the time and they only poop when they are mad that they ran out of pellets, or trying to explain to him that Bee is a girl and teenager at that and wants to dig….well I don’t know how much of that sunk in. He said that he knows I’ve been keeping it really clean, but he did smell it last night. I explained that I was at work and tired when I got him, and he understood that.

What upset me a bit more, is that have my boyfriend of 3 years, and my dad wants me to meet some men from his work. Today apparently he had guys over to help him with the waterheater and he said he doesn’t want to introduce us because of my rabbits. He said they are an embarrassment. Well dad….I don’t want to meet any guys from your work, 1 cuz I have a boyfriend??? and 2 …sorry if my pets I love embarrass you??? lol?!?! I don’t know why he doesn’t like Mike, but I don’t think any guy will ever meet up to his standards so I’ve given up on that part of my dad.

I think it sunk in to my dad that he was hurting me by raging like that, I obviously get my love from animals from his side and he knows that all too well. So I’m glad we talked.

And now it’s time to get ready for work! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY *sigh* At least the ASM won’t be there tonight

[LizzieKnittyBun]

I’m glad you had that talk with your Dad. It may not be the last one you have to have… but communicating is always a good idea.

I’m suddenly very glad I never had to go through the “parents trying to set you up with their friends” experience… creepy. Tell him you are *not* interested. Maybe it’s a good thing he finds the buns embarrassing, even if that’s totally ridiculous. At least it will keep the unwanted suitors away!

[MayaConsuelo]

Just stick your ground, keep cleaning as much as you can, and it will pass eventually… even though it seems hard right now. Sorry. I bring Bun-Bun with me when I visit my parents, my mom adores him (as evidenced by her ever-growing collection of portraits she’s doing) but my dad is dismayed by seeing even one stray poo. That’s just part of having a rabbit. People who are used to cats or dogs, or horses, should be grossed out by random poo, but rabbit poo is different. Did you see Amy Sedaris on Jimmy Kimmel talking about her rabbits? I don’t have the link but it’s on youtube, she’s one of the few relatively famous rabbit people I know of. Her quote was something along the lines of, “Rabbit poop is just like peppercorns, pick them up and throw them away, you don’t even have to wash your hands!” LOL.

It’s funny to hear my dad nag about one or two rabbit poops when they let their cat sit ON the dinner table while we’re eating supper, and they give him a little dish and feed him off their own plates. I’ve had cats my whole life but even I think that’s ridiculous.

Moral of the story, it’s easier to get along with animals than human beings, so I see why you’re siding with the rabbits

[Lintini]

He came downstairs later to go through the garage to get to his motorcycle. He admitted he smelled nothing. Then tried to tease me that the smell was being covered up by something. (I had cleaned up before our talk). I said, thank you and have a nice ride.

Well we have horses, cats, dogs, and even a snake. It sickens me that he thought I would sleep in their poop!!! I came home just now after 6 hours and there is nothing on my bed, they were happy and had fresh hay, pellets and veggies. I find that when I leave them without pellets, thats when I get rage poops on my bed. It’s just part of my life now lol. Bunny poo just doesn’t bug me.

Thanks for listening guys, I just won’t slip up again and MUST clean everyday because I don’t want to tick them off more.

[LizzieKnittyBun]

hehe rage poops : )

Make sure you keep the snake away from the bunbuns!!

[Lintini]

Even Bun is too big for Reggie to mess with. She’s in a very safe cage in my brothers room! We’ve had her for almost 15 years now I believe.

[Monkeybun]

Maya, growing up I had a cat that had his own chair at the table, and he was fed from our plates. It doesn’t seem weird to me at all lol.

[jerseygirl]

Good to know things have calmed down for now.

As an adult living in their home, maybe you guys need to set up some sort of contract or just boundaries. So they respect your personal choices and responsibilities and you respect what they want in their home. Even cover things like they won’t get rid of your animals or pressure you to, and you won’t get anymore . You’ve mentioned this conflict with your Dad before and his sensitivity because of his own family, so I agree with Lizzie ” It may not be the last one you have to have… but communicating is always a good idea.”. This will probably come up again. Having a formal agreement is something everyone can refer back to at these times.

[Lintini]

It’s always been a problem because I’ve always brought home animals when I know I shouldn’t have. He even brought up the dogs again in the conversation. I brought Wickett home 5 years ago and still can’t live it down. And my brother brought home Leia last July. He said he just tolerates it and is quiet about it ….yea dunno about that so much lol.

You are right, I’m sure I’ll have another night in a month or so where I am tired and don’t clean their boxes and they will stink in the morning and I’ll get yelled at. They won’t ever get rid of my animals, my mom just keeps suggesting that it would be easier if I had less, which makes me furious because I am fine and enjoy taking care of them all; but I just need to be more aware of if I leave a trail of hay in the living room, or in the garage…I just can’t slip up like I did. I got too comfortable. I really think when he saw how much it has been hurting me he will lay off a bit and just let me know if something is bugging him, in a non rage type way.

[jerseygirl]

You’re only human.. There may well be a day when some hay is left in the living room. lol

Your Dad has kinda lost his chance to be seriously pissed about the dogs. If he seriously didn’t want them in the home he would have dealt with them then. My parents sometimes do that, when a new issue arises they’ll bring up stuff about something someone did “way back when”.  Well, they didn’t talk to the person and resolve it then.  Too late now,  let it go already!!

[LizzieKnittyBun]

If only they knew how much our animals helped us when we really need them! Sure, life stresses us out… but it’s so much easier when we have someone to love.

: )

[jerseygirl]

And they’re non judgemental and unconditional. Though rage pooping on the bed at Lindseys and protest peeing at my place, you wonder about the unconditional part…

[LizzieKnittyBun]

Well, unconditional… with a few necessary conditions, hehe!

[Lintini]

Lol Bee and Indy are too cute to be mad at for rage pooping!

My dad LOVES Leia. He can’t complain too much, I just laugh at him, and then I reminded him that after my mom fell in love with Wickett, they offered to pay me back what I paid for him so that when I moved out I wouldn’t take him, so that he belonged to THEM. I said, buy me some new clothing for school and it’s a deal They love Wickypom and Princess Polkadot Leia. After I reminded him of our “trade off” for me not taking Wicky with me he was like ohhhh yea… WELL, We still didnt’ need any dogs!!! But yes I am tired of hearing that story over and over and over. My brother just played it at the right time with Leia. My grandma passed away the day he brought Leia home. No regrets on that, we all needed that puppy to cheer us up. There was never a better time to bring a sweet little puppy into the house of broken hearts. My brother sure knows how to work my parents.

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