A Discussion: Custody of Pets

[jerseygirl]

Seeing as we had discussion on Pets in your Will, I thought I’d broach this subject also.  Some posts of late have had me thinking of this topic.   What happens if getting a pet was a joint decision with a partner but the relationship ends down the track?  Have any of you had a talk with your partner about what happens with your pets if there is a break up?  Any tips for everyone on how to address this sort of thing amicably and avoid future conflicts?  So basically, this thread is open for anything and everything (within the rules) regarding pet custody.

Please share.

 

[LoveChaCha]

Well, I plan to move in together with my boyfriend in the near future.

If anything were to happen to us, I would keep my bunnies. They are mine. He knows that

[Karla]

Well, that would be quite easy here – all pets belong to me, whether I want it or not. For instance, I actually thought getting a dog was a joint decision, and that it would be mostly his, so I could focus on the bunnies. But when it was time to have the dog legally registered to whom it belongs, my boyfriend asked ME to put my name down on the form. So that means, the dog has to follow me if we split.

As for the bunnies? At one point, he always said that he would keep Karl, if we split up. But I seriously doubt it. My boyfriend is the type, who likes pets, as long as he doesn’t have to do any work involved with having them. Buying food, giving them food, changing litter, training or bonding with them is not for him.

And well, sorry, but if we ever split, it won’t amicably, so I won’t really give a damn then. I’ll move out with my pets even if he wanted to keep them

[Spidey]

 Well legally here is the dirty and this could either be good or bad for you.

Unfortunately pets are property, so that means two things, they are only what you paid for them. BUT that also means whoever paid for them has the rights to them.

So if you were to have adopted the rabbit or bought the rabbit it is yours! So in a non defined relationship, IE out of marriage just living together BF an GF if you bought it, it’s yours!

Like I said that could be good or bad…

 

[LittlePuffyTail]

This is a topic of interest to me. I’m sort of a law buff. I’ve worked in law offices for years and have seen some pretty ugly divorce/separations. I always really felt for the people who were struggling to get custody of the pets. There are not a lot of rules regarding this. If you had the pet before the relationship began then it is considered your property but then some people can argue that they paid vet bills and such and deserve rights to the pet. A judge will usually see the pet as “how much is it worth”. It gets especially ugly when the animal is of value like a purebred dog or horse or when one of the partners just takes the pet and won’t give it back. The police are not very willing to intercede in such cases.

I very much doubt the day will ever come but if my bf and I of 9 years were to split, I’ve already thought it through. The rabbits would stay with me. It’s acknowledged that they are my rabbits because he tells me all the time when I want rabbit related favours! We have 4 cats all adopted after we moved in together; Two of them like me best, 2 like Ricky best so that would be a no brainer. I would be sad to lose my 2 kitties but they would be happier with him anyhow. And my horse I bought myself and pay all the bills so she’s mine. Ricky would have no idea what the heck to do with a horse.

Here’s a good article regarding I found: http://www.divorcesource.com/research/dl/pets/99jun113.shtml

I also found these instructions on “How to Get Custody of your Pet” via ehow.com:

1. Step 1

   Understand that no matter how much your pet may seem like a family member, to a court it is just another possession to be divided at divorce.

2. Step 2

   Know that if the animal was yours before the marriage or if you have been the primary caretaker of the animal during the marriage, you are more likely to be awarded possession.

3. Step 3

   Tell your lawyer how important your pet is to you and make sure he or she treats this as a priority.

4. Step 4

   Realize that if you have children, it makes the most sense for the pet to live where the children will live, since they have probably formed an attachment.

5. Step 5

   Try to talk to your spouse about the pet and see if you can work something out. You might be able to make visitation arrangements.

6. Step 6

   Avoid separating pets if you have two or more of the same species. This could cause depression or anxiety for the animals.

7. Step 7

   Recognize that if you have a valuable pet, such as a show dog or show cat, the animal will be carefully considered by the court as a valuable asset – and possibly as a business if, for example, you show the animal and/or collect stud fees.

8. Step 8

   Show the court that you are the person best able to care for the animal – you have time to play with it, exercise it and groom it. Show that you have space in your home for the animal. If necessary, have your vet testify about your ability to care for the animal.

[Beka27]

Great info LPT!!!! Thanks for posting that!

I have no doubt that the bunnies would stay with me, no matter how much he loves on them, and baby-talks to them… I’m the one who does 97% of rabbit-related chores. In the 3 years since we got Meadow (and then Max) I think my husband has given them hay 3 times. Of course, he’s the one pretty much monetarily supporting them (and us)… but I don’t think he’d want the physical responsibility of them if I weren’t around.

I could see it being different if it were a dog, an animal he is more interested in.

[Andi]

All the animals we have now are mine. If we were to split they would all come with me. “If” he was to ask for Baby & Bubba, being Bubba’s his favorite i would consider it. But i doubt he’d want to have the bunnies without me taking care of them LOL
When we had our dog, she was his dog.

It’s sad when people loose their pets over break-ups.

[Deleted User]

There is another side to it: it can be a burden to be left with many pets or high-needs pets, for example. You have to be able to provide for them and law aside: if you love your animals you’d arrange for them to be in the best situation, where they are fed and cared for. I have dogs and they must have a yard and a house for example. Finances and time schedule can change drastically after a break-up and affect the care of pets badly.

[Sarita]

I agree with Petzy – sometimes you have to look at what will be best for the pet in the end. Maybe you would like to keep them but the other person in the relationship really ends up being in a better situation for the animal.

These things are never easy and can be complicated. Usually too those situations that result in pets being put in this custody situation seems to be one of the partners being nasty or selfish too.

In my situation, I can say for sure, my pets would stay with me – my decision, my responsibility.

[LoveChaCha]

I feel that it goes down to ‘logical’ thinking when it comes to pets and their well being. Partners that split up need to think unselfishly about who will care for the pet.

My boyfriend has no idea how much rabbits eat nor how to change a litter box. He just plays with her.

[jerseygirl]

Thanks for adding all that info LPT.

Petzy, you bring up a good point. In a breakup so much becomes unstable.

I feel that it goes down to ‘logical’ thinking when it comes to pets and their well being. Partners that split up need to think unselfishly about who will care for the pet.

Brittany, that would be the ideal. Unfortunately emotion plays a big role in break ups and logic can fly out the window.

I find it interesting that “we” (I’m generalising) don’t always have that frank discussion at some point. You know, the “what if we broke up, what would happen to…..?” kind of talk. We pay car, home, health insurances for the “what if’s” in life. With the discussion about Wills, it was something I’d thought about before but never put anything offically into place. I guess it could be similar with this sort of thing. Something you’ve thought of or even casually talked about but not actually made a clear agreement about.

Thanks for adding your thoughts guys. This is my aim with the thread, just something to think about. Perhaps bring about an awareness of things that can happen through your own experiences.

[Monkeybun]

It’s ahrd to say who would end up with the bunnies. I know my hubby will always make more money than I do, so it would likely be BEST if he took them. But he always says the bunnies are my responsibility, as it was my idea to get them all.

Luckily, however, chances are slim we will part ways. We just suit each other too well

[RabbitPam]

This is a good question, Jersey. Glad you brought it up.

LPT, would it be legal for a couple to sit down and discuss it as a “what if” now, and put it in writing with both of them signing it as an agreement? Or would that have to be notarized to make it a legally overriding document?

I think Petzy makes an excellent point as well. I was imagining that whoever is heading out the door with a packed bag is the one to leave the pets behind, unless they are heading to a new home and taking the pet with them. My personal opinion is that the person who is the daily caregiver should always be the one to keep the pets.

At least in a marriage and a divorce it becomes another issue on the table with assistance from lawyers (providing the objectivity that the emotional condition of the divorce hampers). But it’s another risk to consider in a living together set up. I guess you get into those difficult areas where it’s whose name is on the lease, mortgage, bills, car title, bill of sale, etc.

We live in a time where you can live together without marrying, or can get a divorce more easily. A couple of hundred years ago they had to be married. Then if you had problems, you’d just shoot the husband and keep the dog.

[MissKris&Koji]

I told boyfriend when we adopted the bunny that if we break up, the rabbit is mine. I was probably not as diplomatic or nice about saying it as I could have been, but I’m a practical person and plan obsessively so I think through details like that before doing anything. I imagine he was caught off guard, but it’s better to have that choice made so that unless circumstances have changed considerably there is no argument about it later.

[jerseygirl]

A couple of hundred years ago they had to be married. Then if you had problems, you’d just shoot the husband and keep the dog.

Lol

[LoveChaCha]

Bwahahaha.

Well, if that time ever comes, my uncle is a lawyer. He has many years of experience as a lawyer and he would be the first I would consult if there were any problems.

[KatnipCrzy]

To a certain degree you need to take into consideration your ability to take care of the pet if you are going into a new living situation.

But with that said- my living situation would be BASED ON my pets.

If you are not married- I think it would help if you adopted the pet under your name- you paid adoption fee/purchase price- vet is under your name- you can prove you paid the vet bills, etc.  Also if the pet is registered- as a dog for AKC or a horse with its breed registry- I registered my pets under MY name and not hubbys. 

I am taking more into consideration what would happen to my pets if something happens to me and/or hubby.  And now that I have a horse that is legally considered more an asset than a pet- I am going to have a will drawn up to make sure my hubby or Mom knows what to do in the event I can no longer interact with my horse or I die and to make sure they do get legal ownership of my horse and pets.  My hubby and Mom know that it is not about the selling price of the horse- but that she gets a great home.  I asked my barn owner if she would be their “go-to” person in the event Bailey needs a new home- and she said she would buy Bailey in a heartbeat if something happened to me.  That really brings me peace of mind to know my horse will not end up being bumped around to home after home or to someone that cannot afford to take proper care of her.  My other pets would be placed with the help of the vet clinic I work for and/or Aussie Rescue that I volunteer for.

It is a depressing thought- but when you are ensuring that you properly own your pet- please also consider what arrangements you can make to see your pet is properly rehomed in case of a tragic event.  Your family may not be able to take your rabbit into their house- but maybe at least then they would know to place into a HRS rescue group as opposed to placing an ad on the internet. 

 

[Barbie]

Yeah, Katnip, that’s the issue I’m considering right now – what happens to my animals if I die or become so incapacitated that I can’t care for them by myself? And this is bringing us back to the “pets in will” thread… lol.

Leroy, Jeannie, and Nick were all adopted in my name only, they live with me and I pay their ridiculous vet bills, buy all the supplies, and do the every day care. So even though I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 2 years, and even though he calls Nick and Leroy his “boys” and Jeannie his “girl” there’s no question about who the fur babies would stay with if we ever split. My bf loves them and loves the fact that they make me so happy, but his allergies are so bad he can rarely even pet them without getting a migraine, so I doubt he’d want them anyway

[Free2Dream]

I thought about this, but my girlfriend and I have never explicitly discussed what would happen to Oliver if we broke up. I know for a fact that I would keep the hedgehogs because they’re mine and she doesn’t want anything to do with them, lol, but Oliver is technically “ours.” To be honest, though, I’m pretty sure I would get to keep Oliver. My gf likes animals in that she enjoys playing and cuddling with them, but she does not enjoy the feeding/grooming/cleaning/purchasing of supplies/reading about care, etc. All of these chores fall to me, which I obviously don’t mind because I simply love caring for animals and I find learning about them fascinating. I’d hope that she would allow me to keep him; she’s rational like that.

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