I am so torn up about this...
Two years ago, I fell in love with a rabbit. I named his Gizmo and rushed him home with me. For two whole years, he was my best friend. He was always waiting for me when I got home from work, and while we had our differences (he loved to get behind and under the couch, I didn't like it so much) he always loved me.
For about a week or so, she didn't eat much. She occasionally munched on some hay but not her real food. I kept saying, "I'll take her to the vet when I get out of work early" I didn't get out early. She still had a lot of energy and ran from here to there and avoided me when I said it was time for bed in her cage.
I was going to take her to the vet first thing this morning. Unfortunately for all of us, she didn't make it that long.
Last night (July 8th) she was her usual self. I left for 10 minutes to pick my boyfriend up from work and when we came home she was still normal. Thirty minutes later we tried to get her into her cage for bed. Gizmo wasn't so normal all of a sudden. She was limp and her eyes were vacant. I held her close to me and rocked her gently as I called my parents for support. We were going to take her to the vet as soon as they opened. Giz got limper. I decided to see if she should still hop around. I put her down and she couldn't move at all. I broke down in tears. I gently placed her in her cage as I called the 24-hour animal hospital that is 30 minutes away to see if they treated rabbits. It was an automated voice that said there will be a $119 fee just to see the vet. I hesitated. I shouldn't have hesitated. $119 to save my child should've been okay with me. And then I decided it was worth it. I finally spoke to someone...they don't treat rabbits. She did know of another 24 hour hospital that did. It was roughly an hour away. This was 11pm. I was about to pack up and head out. Gizmo wasn't breathing. She had already taken her last precious breath.
It's my fault she passed away. I should've taken her to the vet when we first got her. I should've taken her when she wasn't eating. I should've rushed her to the animal hospital. I should've...done something. I lost my best friend and it was my fault.
I didn't want another rabbit. Not now anyway. Not until I got over the loss of my kid. I put on facebook that my sweet angel had passed. Today, everyone at work had pitched in money and without my knowledge, went and bought me another baby bunny, treats, and toys. It was over $50. They didn't need to do that. Now I know they love me.
But is it wrong for me to be torn in two about this? I love this new bunny and I love what my friends did for me. But I miss my Gizmo. I miss dancing with him and seeing him smile. I feel like I don't deserve the new bunny (Bella) I couldn't even keep Giz alive. I've learned from my mistakes but why did it take something like this?
I have cried last night, almost all day, and I'm crying now. I feel guilty that I let this happen. I feel guilty that I personally wouldn't have gotten another rabbit today. I feel like I don't know how I'm supposed to feel.
To those of you that have lost a rabbit, I'm so sorry for your loss. And now I can say that I know how you feel. Even though I wish I didn't.
God is taking care of you now, Gizenator. You were loved and will be missed by all. Be a good little bunny up there. Keep your new baby sister safe. And I'm sorry you didn't get the chance to meet her. She's already quite a handful. I love you, Gizmo.