Leo (lionhead rabbit) & Max (cat) both died about 1 week apart in the start of the year. Despite my being a mental health professional, I'm still harboring MAJOR feellings of guilt re: Leo's death. Here's the specifics:
He had a huge abcess on his jaw, that I never noticed.
I had monitored his weight during the time of concern, but for some reason I thought his normal weight was about 3 lbs, when it was really 4lbs. Therefore I didn't think that he was losing weight, but I was completely off by a whole lb!
We had gone back/forth w/ scheduling appts w/ the regular vet, thinking he was getting better. Also during that time, both my reg vets had just left the practice, so I had to establish a new relationship w/ another vet. So b/c I kept screwing around w/ his appts, we ended up having to go to the ER, inwhich he died less than 12 hrs later.
At the ER, we learned that all our credit cards had been frozen b/c of problems making payments due to the holidays.....so we had no credit to pay for treatment.
I still have a hard time interacting w/ Jessica (his bonded gf) b/c all I think is LEO. She just recovered from head tilt, which demonstrates that she really is a little fighter, I only wish that Leo was too. I took care of Jessi during the whole head tilt, so I do still care for her, it's just depressing at times.
My Max was 15yo. I had him since he was 6 wks old. My feelings of grief for him are more that I just miss him. He was my first kitten & he had lived through several apts & 2 marriages. We spent a big chunk of my life together. My mid-20's to 40's. So it really is just I'm sad that my little guy is no longer here. But w/ Leo....it's all guilt.
I'm a freakin' psychologist and I'm just so stuck w/ this. It all came back this weekend, when the Robin's nest next door was destroyed in a major wind event over the weekend. I found one of the baby birds dead, but still in the nest. He's just laying up there dead in the nest. Seeing that just brought back all my feelings of grief. Any suggestions?