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BINKYBUNNY FORUMS > RAINBOW BRIDGE > Trouble Moving On.....HELP!
Last Post by megrat7 at 5/18/2010 4:56 PM (6 Replies)
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User is Offline skunklionshow
City of Brotherly "Shove"
1247 posts Send Private Message
5/10/2010 7:39 AM

Leo (lionhead rabbit) & Max (cat) both died about 1 week apart in the start of the year.  Despite my being a mental health professional, I'm still harboring MAJOR feellings of guilt re: Leo's death.  Here's the specifics:

He had a huge abcess on his jaw, that I never noticed.
I had monitored his weight during the time of concern, but for some reason I thought his normal weight was about 3 lbs, when it was really 4lbs.  Therefore I didn't think that he was losing weight, but I was completely off by a whole lb!
We had gone back/forth w/ scheduling appts w/ the regular vet, thinking he was getting better.  Also during that time, both my reg vets had just left the practice, so I had to establish a new relationship w/ another vet.  So b/c I kept screwing around w/ his appts, we ended up having to go to the ER, inwhich he died less than 12 hrs later.
At the ER, we learned that all our credit cards had been frozen b/c of problems making payments due to the holidays.....so we had no credit to pay for treatment.

I still have a hard time interacting w/ Jessica (his bonded gf) b/c all I think is LEO.  She just recovered from head tilt, which demonstrates that she really is a little fighter, I only wish that Leo was too.  I took care of Jessi during the whole head tilt, so I do still care for her, it's just depressing at times.

My Max was 15yo.  I had him since he was 6 wks old.  My feelings of grief for him are more that I just miss him.  He was my first kitten & he had lived through several apts & 2 marriages.  We spent a big chunk of my life together.  My mid-20's to 40's.  So it really is just I'm sad that my little guy is no longer here.  But w/ Leo....it's  all guilt.

I'm a freakin' psychologist and I'm just so stuck w/ this.  It all came back this weekend, when the Robin's nest next door was destroyed in a major wind event over the weekend.  I found one of the baby birds dead, but still in the nest.  He's just laying up there dead in the nest.  Seeing that just brought back all my feelings of grief.  Any suggestions?

 

 

"The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated." Ghandi


User is Offline Petzy
Northern AB Canada
Forum Leader
5938 posts Send Private Message
5/10/2010 7:51 AM
When I read your post, I thought right away that being a psychologist won't change that you are a person with feelings. It just means that you can explain them better. I know a psychiatrist who struggled enormously with his divorce, even though he understood exactly what was happening to him.

It will take time, it's all I know.

The thought of the pets I buried still pains me, it never really goes away. You just get used to it. The blaming yourself part -- that will go away.
Photobucket "what happened? did something happen or can I just go back to my hay?"

User is Offline Sarita
(Dallas)
Forum Leader
17537 posts Send Private Message
5/10/2010 7:58 AM
Hugs to you. Honestly I think it will just take time. I don't think you have a thing to feel guilty about - you were seeking treatment and trying your best for him. However, no matter how hard we try to save our beloved rabbits many times because of their delicate nature there is nothing we can do. Sometimes it's just their time.

I'm glad Jessica is recovered from her head tilt - try to just focus on Jessica - look at the amazing work you've done to help her through her hard time. Honestly some rabbits are just stronger than others and that sounds like your Jessica.

I had a cat as well for half my life and he was about 18 years old when he passed so I know how you feel about your Max.

Sounds like you've just had too much going on and need to get some quality you time as well and maybe you need some rest.

User is Offline LittlePuffyTail
New Brunswick, Canada
Forum Leader
11486 posts Send Private Message
5/10/2010 9:13 AM
Sorry to hear about all the sadness you've been experiencing. You're certainly not alone. If you frequent this forum you'll know that a lot of people feel guilt over the death of their pets...even when they did all they could. I still feel guilty for the loss of my two previous bunnies. I think that maybe if I had more knowledge at the time I could have saved them. But it will lessen over time and I think establishing a really great relationship with Jessica will help you recover.

The loss of a dear feline friend is something that's very hard to get over. Especially when they are quite old and have been with us for years. My 20 year old Tabby had to be put down a few years ago. I got her as a kitten when I was 3 years old (I'm 28 now). I gathered up my favorite pics of her and made a beautiful collage to remember her by. I find that doing something productive "in their memory" can help.
Proud to be a Bunny Hugger and a voice for the voiceless
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User is Offline MarkBun
Richmond, CA
2819 posts Send Private Message
5/10/2010 12:43 PM
Rabbits are experts at hiding how bad they really are. Even knowing that they are sick still doesn't let you know the extent. I still feel some guilt over my first rabbit because she died at the age of 4 due to cancer and I didn't know that she should have been spayed to reduce that possibility - not to mention how wrong I cared for her.

My grief over it though has been incredibly lightened by seeing how well my current buns are doing. When I help out with other rabbits too, it just makes me realize that my first rabbit was my teacher, and I've learned my lessons well.
My bonding quest with Maryann - Read about a less than easy bonding with two buns - but they did bond!

User is Offline Nibbles_NZ
773 posts Send Private Message
5/10/2010 1:20 PM
I lost my first pet due to my inexperience. I am not at all saying that you are inexperienced, I just know what you mean by feeling guilty that it had to end that way. My Ferret had an obstruction and started to get very lazy (so I thought at the time). I didn't even notice he wasn't eating the way he should. He died and I felt so guilty! I had him for a few years so I should've noticed something was wrong with him. I kept telling myself that it was my fault, if I would've noticed he wouldn't have had to go through that. I does take time. I agree with MarkBun, bunnies and other animals don't really seem to show red flags in thier behavior when something is wrong. You may be a Psychologist but you are still human.

User is Offline megrat7
Otown, Fl USA
80 posts Send Private Message
5/18/2010 4:56 PM
My suggestion is to honor his memory! It still hurts, but you can have little reminders of the times you shared. When my Pietro was put down it was the worst feeling ever. I felt like I let him down, let him suffer too long even though it was not my fault. Months later, my living room turned into a shrine for him. I have a picture I took of him blown up to poster size, a little multi-picture frame, and my brother got his picture put on canvas for me. I also have a tattoo of him on my ankle. Find your own way to make sure his memory lives on in your life. There is a new bun in my life, but I still get to think of Pietro every day. =)
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