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› Forum › THE LOUNGE › The ranting thread.
I seriously need to rant right now & since I hate talking to my parents about this ( as much as I love them I just can’t) & since my support group is on Friday I turn to ya’ll. I complain a lot I know, but I had an awful dream just now & I need to talk. If I get to anoying just tell me to shut up…
I hate this. I hate how people treat me like a China doll. I hate how this messed everything up. Before IT I was so outgoing. My life until then was just about perfect. Typical family- mom, dad, older brother. Small town upbringing. Straight A’s, involved in theater, I was going to go to college & major in law. That’s ALL I wanted. I was inocent. Happy. Carefree. Now I’m somebody I don’t really know. I want everything to go back to normal, but it won’t. It cant. I cant stand the scars on me. I used to be so cute, I took care of myself. I mean I’m starting to look normal again, but still. I HATE homeschooling. I want to go back to public school next year for my senior year. I know I’ll be ready. I’m making really good strides in therapy. I’m trying so hard. Really I’m not normaly in such a bad mood ( honestly). It was just a bad day. I want to go back to public school, it’s my SENIOR year next year. My parents keep saying no though.
To be honest there making things worse for me. I know they don’t mean to, but I can’t completly heal unless they loosen the strings a little. I mean yesterday I walked outside & was gone for 10 mins. They freaked out EVEN though I had left a note. Yes something horrible happened to me, & yes it will always affect me in some way. But I REALLY am starting to be happy again. I’ve started painting again & it’s helping so much. But it’s like there smothering me. They don’t want me to go to college in a couple of years. They say I won’t be ready. HOW DO THEY NOW?? There NOT me. I know what I can handle, they don’t. I love them so much, but really right now I’m about to yell at them. I’ve tried so many times telling them how I feel about everything but they keep saying “we know better about what’s best” NO! They don’t!
“Sigh” I’m sorry for ranting like this. I’m sorry I talk about this a lot. But ya’lls advice/ kind words do help. I’m just so fed up right now & I don’t know what to do.
I can sympathize, it’s a horrible thing to go through. And in your parents defense.. you’re their baby girl. You’ve been hurt once, they are terrified you will be hurt again and possibly lose you. They need some time to recover as well. Sit down with them, talk to them, find out how they are feeling about all of it. It may help
That’s what they keep on saying- we don’t want you to be hurt. I understand where there coming from, I’m not trying to sound like some spoiled child. I’m terrified of being hurt again to, more than ANYBODY knows. But I can’t spend my whole life living in fear, as much as I want to at times. What am I going to do. Spend the rest of my life living with them? Never going to college? Getting married? Having kids? LIVING?
That’s what they don’t get. I do understand where they are coming from. But right now they have to loosen the strings a bit. I spent a month living in fear right after it happened, before I told anybody. I call that the “Dark Time”. That’s what it was. I can’t go back to that time. I’m already becoming happy again & I AM healing. I want to start living again. I want that so bad. they have to loosen the string, because right now, honestly I’m starting to get angry at them. That scares me.
I don’t know what happened to you but, speaking as a parent, I would be devestated if anything ever happened to my girls (they’re 14 and 11). And I would feel so much guilt over not preventing it I probably wouldn’t be able to function.
Yes, they’re smothering you because they don’t know what else to do, they just know they have to do things differently than they did before to keep you safe. Whatever horribly traumatic thing you went through is a parent’s worst nightmare.
Are you doing family therapy sessions? If you aren’t you probably should. They need as much help as you do learning how to navigate life now that the innocence is gone.
Give it some time – they are looking out for you and it’s going to take more time for them to heal than you it sounds like. I am not a parent but I’m old enough to be one and I can see things from their side. They may feel they have failed you and this is the only way they know how to get back in control and make it better. Hugs to you and healing vibes to you and to your parents.
It’s not like I’m healing faster than them, it seems awfully slow to me at times. It’s just that I have to get back into the swing of things. Sitting at home all day isn’t helping. I’m a social person & being around people helps. I know it will be hard at times if I go back to school ( like with all the guys there). But I know what I’m capable of & going back to school next year is one of them.
TARM- We are doing family therapy. It has helped. I know it’s going to take time, but I at least wish that they would talk to me about why I cant go back, other than ” you can get hurt again”. If they would actually tell me there fears it would be so much easier to understand what they are thinking. “sigh” I’m just in a bad mood today.
I know that they probably still blame themselves ( typical parents) but I’ve told them a thousand billon times that NO part of me, not even a little bit thinks that it’s there fault. Bad things will happen no matter what, that’s always been my way of thinking ( even before IT). I just think that my way of thinking is different than theres. So it’s taking them longer to accept that I’m healing & what happened. There VERY staightfoward, strict people. Always have been.
They may be scared you going back to school and seeing what I think is THEM I may be wrong. But that may be what they are afraid of. Someone or them saying something to you. Hurting you verbally
I am guessing here Only you know when you are ready to face things that makes the monster back into normal size It doens’t seem like such a huge monster to you anymore. Does your counselor feel you are ready can she help your parents move to this point too?
I am glad you are starting to have joy again and want your life back to normal. Being around people again is important. You need your friends and your life to continue as much like normal and b4 as possible. It is important to go on Sounds like you are ready to move on.
To me thats great. You dont’ want your life ruled by fear. Thats good. You know I had been through some pretty terrible things too. No counseling. Told no one forgot about it buried it til I saw the situation again anyways
Onc,e I read that how you view the world is most important . So one day I went for a walk and starting changing how I saw my world. On this walk I took everyday for months this one walk had become my best walk. I changed my thinking to wow the world is not out to hurt me and that people are 90% good. There are 10% bad people but the good outways the bad. I started waving at neighbors and saying hello. They waved and said hello back. It was like from that day I woke up. It was like wow this is great
Seems like you are at that point too. Different wow this is great scenario of course but you are on your way to moving on moving past fear moving past the world is out to hurt me type feelings. Though at at times we normally think that such or so is out to get us. And sometimes it or that person really is out to get you. It just isnt’ a constant feeling. Or a normal one anymore .
I am proud of you. Parents can be so strict and overprotective. It is hard to deal with sometimes. You know how you feel better than anyone. Parents make mistakes sometimes. Telling you you are not ready for public school might be one of them. I can’t say for sure. Hang in there in a few weeks or months they may feel confident that you know what you are doing in going back to public school.
Go love your bunny and yourself
Sounds like a serious talk is in order. Their reaction is totally understandable, but now that you are recovering you want some “normality” and you’re feeling smothered. They are worried about their baby girl and probably deep down feel that it’s their fault so there is some misplaced guilt in there too. But they are getting in your way now and need to understand that you need to stand on your own. You’ll probably have to remind them that it doesn’t mean that you love them any less – just the opposite! That they raised you to be strong and get on with your life even when horrible things happen.
You probably want to bring this up with your support group and maybe they can help you work out a plan to have this talk. It’s going to be awkward as hell for everyone concerned but it needs to happen.\
Does it help that a complete stranger is proud as hell of you?
More than one there wendyski I think we are all proud of her!
Awww thanks guys. I think I’m going to have my mom go to my support group with me ( dad’s going on a work thing so he cant go) & bring it up there. Maybe talking about it in a neutral area will be better ” shrugs”
That sounds like a really good idea. I wish I’d had my $*&! that together when I was your age – though without quite so much ‘inspiration’….
Maybe you need to shock them? I am not saying run naked down the street but something small, like do you have some friend that you can organise to walk down or drive down to the local coffee shop, or maybe go to the libary on the weekend? Don’t tell them about it just when the friend arrives just say very casual “Oh didn’t I tell you i am doing X with these people” sometime parents need to see that you want to move on not just hear it. Yeah they may be mad but tell them that you are ready to do X activity even if they are not ready for you to do it, tell them that you love them and you understand their fear but they need to let you do this. Just what every you do make sure you are ready to do it and that people you trust and know that you might not be 100% comfortable are around you for support.
Either that or ask your mum to do something with you that you know she will not want you to do but you want to do. I don’t know your situation or what happen but maybe ask her to go the the hair dressers or go shopping or go have coffee in a public place show her that you are ready to take the next step, actions speak louder then words. good luck and big hugs!
So we made a deal. Mom said that we would give it until a few weeks before school starts & then we would decide. If I’m still doing well ( with therapy, healing & all that jazz) that I can go back. I mean honstly I could enroll myself back into public school at that time. But I want my parents support, even if it is frustrating to get them to understand & LET ME DECIDE! “Sigh”
That sounds like a good strategy – she will have time to get accustomed to the idea and you can just keep on doing what you’re doing. You are really inspiring.
That sounds encouraging Charleygirl. Maybe it would help if they could talk to some other parents of your support group friends? It might give them confidence to know what they’re feeling as parents about your wanting to be independent again is normal and give them someone to turn to for advice. Sounds like they need to connect to some parents who have been through this too.
You’re a good strong girl and we’re all proud of you. Hang in there.
(((nose rubs for you)))
CharlieGirl, as someone coming into this late, a quick word of caution about heading back to school. I really think you should go back, being back into a normal routine is really important for moving on and just getting over any depression or just down in the dumps that you might have but school will probably be hard, especially if what happened was well known. People are mostly wonderful and well meaning…but they can be annoying, insensitive and curious.
I’m sure your support groups covers all of this, as did mine, but you’ll probably have some bad experiences initially. Don’t worry about it though! The people who do it aren’t worth a dime and neither are their remarks.
As for scars (emotional and physical), they fade 🙂 It takes time but I never thought I’d head out in a bikini again and over summer I almost lived in one! *side note, bikinis are bad in big waves lol*
Good luck! I know from some of your previous posts what a strong, amazing person you are and the most brilliant thing about life is that it goes on.
*hugs* from me and *nose rubs* from my bunnies! Good luck!
Thanks everybody Cassi&Charlie- Hugs to you to hun. thanks for your advice. Ohh I imgane that’s not a good thing! I’m talking about the “side note, bikinis are bad in big waves lol* Akward story there? lol
My bikini strap got broken in a big wave once.. >.<
It’s not fun hey Monkeybun. I learned my lesson very quickly!
Also: Binkinis that are tied on must be double knotted or dorky husbands like to play pranks. Dorky friends too.
>.<
› Forum › THE LOUNGE › The ranting thread.