I need to vent

[Lintini]

So last Saturday my 18 year old brother wrecked my parents car completely. He was slightly intoxicated and stepped in the brakes because a cat ran across the road, spun into a few circles, crashed into a fire hydrant and then tree. The car was totaled, but he was fine minus his hand was bruised. I am very happy he is okay – VERY. But it’s been a week now and I just heard him in the bathroom throwing up.

First off, when he crashed, he kicked open the sidedoor of the 2002 chevy Impala and ran to the fire station which was 200 feet away. Their doors were already opening because they were already alerted from the 30 foot spray of water coming out of the ground, He did the right thing, he ran to them because he couldnt find the cellphone after the crash, the cops showed up, he had him breathe on his hand and knew he was drinking earlier, he could smell the beer but his convo was crystal clear. I wish the cop shook him up some more. Put him in cuffs somethig. But no, he got away scuff free. The cop said he did the right thing, and he wasn’t going to ticket him for drinking since he clearly wasn’t drunk but he knew he was drinking since the smell.  ….

So he has his motorcycle still. My mom says I don’t have to give him my car for anything. 2 days later Colin asks me for my car because mom said so, so he can go to school. (it’s raining). I ask my mom, yes she told him to ask me. WHAT THE FREAK!

My dad says his next car will be a “sh** box” and drops some F bombs at him for drinking. My parents NEVER cuss. I almost started laughing when I heard my dad talk like this!!! Then my mom says at a different time, ROFL…..”lets get him a car that he wants so he will respect it more.” I ALMOST FELL OUT OF MY CHAIR!!

COLIN HAS MY MOMS CRAFT TABLE IN THE TRUN K OF HIS CAR TO PLAY BEER PONG WITH HIS FRIENDS !!! I TOLD THEM THIS 3 WEEKS AGO!!@ HIS FACEBOOK IS OF HIM PLAYING BEERPONG WITH HIS FRIENDS AND MY MOM HAS A FACEBOOK!!!

 

I thought my parents were smart. I respected them so much more when I was his age. I really really REALLY can’t understand why they actually thought he wasn’t drinking. Some table wine went missing from the house and they actually had the nerve to blame me…I’m turning 24 in May, if I wanted to drink I can go to the store and get what I want, not drink table wine. My brother said ”my body is a temple, I dont drink” THEY BELIEVED HIM. LOL!!! Until now. I just can’t deal with this crud. He’s in the bathroom puking right now and my  mom wants to buy him a car that he wants ???? I can’t take this. He gets away with everything and gets anything he wants and he doesnt deserve ANYTHING!!! He is nothing like the student I am, he constantly cut classes and barely passed classes but yet he is the angel child. I just can’t belive this and I want to slap my parents around. I never came home at 3am when I was 18. He is treated completely different from me!!! I’m calling my grandparents in the morning I am SO PISSED.  I’m going to choke someone and I think its going to be a pillow for the moment.

 

So now my parents thought, they can buy him a crappy car, or get me a new car and give him my old car. (they would pay my downpayment) I have a 2002 mustang. Its in perfect condition (knock on wood) Now they are like ohhhhhhhhh we don’t want to lock you into car payments blah blah. OMG I don’t do anything with my money except buy bunny things every month….I can afford 250$ car payments for an 09 mustang. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. THEY ARE SO UNFAIR IT IS UNBELIEVABLE. LETS JUST GET COLIN A NEW CAR AND FORGET YOU LINDSEY.  *punch punch punch punch punch punch kick kick kick kick*

 

[Sarita]

Maybe you should take a different approach with your parents concerning his drinking – I mean it truly is a concern and tell them that you think he needs counseling and are concerned that his drinking and driving are going to result in his death…I mean it could.

I think he has a problem and he needs your support more than your anger. He will probably not appreciate it at his age, but you are now an adult and he is your little brother, even if he is annoying as hell.

[Lintini]

I wish I could just jump into my fishtank and swim with them. So calm, so peaceful, no worries. In my next life I want to be a fish in a wonderful aquarium. * grumble*

[Lintini]

Oh I know, I sat down and spoke to my dad. My dad is being more of a hard ass than my mom. My dad flat out asked me what I would do. I was like…mmm…he needs new friends that can’t buy him booze.

Dad says once we get a new car, the car will be home at 12.

I don’t see how that will change when even now without a car he still wanders in at 3am. I am 5 years older…I think my parents are tired and over it. My dad is in construction and comes home exhausted. He runs the job site and wakes up at 4am to get to work at San Fran state, he’s in charge of some new building they are constructing there, and he isn’t home till 7pm. “His work isn’t done till the jobs done” …. My mom has no control over him. I don’t understand how he is so much worse than I ever was…I took AP and Honors classes, Still get A;s and B’s and he barely passes classes and I feel like he’s cared about more and he does get away with so much more

[Lintini]

Seriously I got more crud for bringing home a dog than he did for wrecking the car which kelly bluebook put worth over 6k still . I am not even joking. I think I want to cry. The most beloved family pet got more grief than wrecking a really nice car.  *huge huge sigh*

[Sarita]

Well, I think you should start thinking about moving out on your own then. Instead of paying $250 for a car payment, save up so you can move out on your own and you won’t be subjected to all this drama.

[Lintini]

You are right. But they still completely support me! I don’t make nearly enough money to move out and still go to school full time. They still pay for my gas, insurance, food, rent…everything. I think it would make my life better, So I wouldn’t be subjected to all the drama but I simply can’t do it. My tuition is 1200$ a quarter, about 400$ for books every quarter and then 100$ for parking. I mean …if I still had my scholarship then maybe. but…they still completely support me I can’t do anything about it but watch and shake my head right now.

 

I am almost done, 1 english class, a guitar class and 1 math class. I am in the home run.

[Lintini]

I have told him before, I don’t agree with him drinking at his age, but he has friends now that are 21 or have older brothers that buy them booze. I have told him before, I will never buy him booze, but if he does decide to drink I will pick him up before he would ever have to consider driving home drunk. I don’t think it’s a great idea but  so he has a sober ride home, granted he has never asked me, but he already crashed the car so …terrific. I just don’t know what else I can do but my parents need to stop giving him everything because he just abuses it. I don’t want to think about him crashing his motorcycle drunk.

[Lintini]

Another thing Sarita is that a 2 bedroom apartment in the bay area in a decent..not even a nice area is 1400$.  In an area of Hayward that I would not even consider living in…a studio apartment is 800$. I just can’t live here once I graduate or am not supported by my parents anymore. It’s ridiculous.

[Sarita]

Well, then why don’t you focus on getting out of school since you are almost there.

And I don’t think I would call my grandparents with this. Your parents have also been there to support you so you can just try to support them. You said your father works hard and is tired, try to help him by not giving him a hard time about your brother. Your dad will appreciate this.

Your situation with your brother is also probably pretty typical in many households, it seems unfair but really, you would be better served focusing on how you can get out of school rather than focus on this. Appreciate what your parents do for you, you are lucky and frankly, I don’t think you have a bad deal just because your brother may be getting a new car. Look what they’ve done for you not what they may be doing for your brother whether you feel he deserves it or not.

[corpathina]

i can imagine this in very frustrating.. i’d be mad as heck too, don’t worry. but.. i think this is one of those situations where you have to trust that everything will balance out. i think you’re right in guessing that your parents are just tired. it might also be that they don’t know what to do with him. with you being so well-behaved at his age, they might be unsure as how to control him without pushing him away. they’re probably also hoping that by giving him more responsibility he’ll mature/meet the demands on him. whether or not that will work, who knows.

either way, things are never fair when it comes to siblings. but i promise things really balance out. i remember being so angry that my parents constantly bailed my sister out financially and got her a brand new car when all i got were hand-me-downs. however, it’s balanced out because they’ve paid for my tuition and fees out of pocket and i don’t have any student loans while she has tons. so.. i like to think things balance them out. besides, just remember.. they have to pay for your wedding one day. you can use this as leverage. haha!

you can always vent here when it gets too annoying, though. =)

hang in there! and i really hope your brother wises up before he hurts himself on his bike.

[Lintini]

Thanks you guys.

Dad and Colin are out looking at new trucks right now. I give up. I’ll just focus on myself and school and just forget about it.

[Monkeybun]

Ouch, that sucks big time. I can’t imagine having to deal with a sibling like that.. my older sister moved out when i was 12… so I never had to really deal with siblings in their teenage years.

Pssst… the apartment I’m in costs 1000 a month, 2 bedrooms, allows pets, nice neighborhood, hehehe

[Sarita]

I think that’s the healthiest thing you can do. I’m 46 and my brother is 2 years older and I still get annoyed at him…it’s just a sibling thing. And I work with him. We are probably total opposites as you and your brother are, but I try (successfully) to not slap him because even though I find him terribly annoying, he’s got a good heart and I know it. Still want to slap him though.

I think when you are older you will appreciate that your parents are taking good care of both of you…I’m not a parent, but I imagine it’s extremely challenging, emotionally and financially to care for children.

[Lintini]

Couldn’t agree with you more Sarita!

Now Lesley…I heard cars come crashing into those apartments so maybe they should lower the price! When I lived in central california for my first 2 years of college my apartment was across the street from the college, 2 bedrooms, allowed pets and only 700$ a month. It was pretty nice. I just hated central cali. There was nothing there but the smell of cow -.-

[Barbie]

Oh Lintini, I COMPLETELY understand how frustrating it is, having a younger sibling myself. The youngest child always seems to have it the best, since they grew up as the “baby” of the family.

But I do think, like Corpathina said, that it will balance out… and I don’t mean just financially with parents paying for one thing or another. I hate to say it but… in the long run you are going to be so much better off than your brother (unless he grows up fast!) you’re responsible and considerate and mature which means you’ll have an easier time finding/keeping a job, you won’t find yourself in financial ruin when you go out on your own because you’ll be mature enough to manage your income/expenses, and you’ll be overall better liked by everyone — he may be the “fun party boy” now, but in the real world, that doesn’t impress people.

It sounds like he’s in a bad situation and although it’s frustrating for you to watch since you know what he’s doing is wrong and dangerous, you can’t be his mom. That being said, I would try to sit down with him and have a heart to heart to try to talk some sense into him; don’t be patronizing, but just tell him that you’re worried about him behaving the way that he is and if he doesn’t know already, explain the consequences to him (ie: death, or at the very least not getting accepted into college or not getting the job he wants… I’m talking about the Facebook photos. Colleges and employers check facebook pages and if they find pictures or posts that are less than clean, that’s a black mark on your application. There have been cases at my high school where people got their acceptances REVOKED because of what was found on their facebook/myspace pages! If he’s not willing to take the photos down, at the very least, help him change his profile settings so that he’s basically unsearchable and no one can find him on facebook unless they know him and so that his pictures, wall posts, etc are visible only to friends). \

Who knows, you may have a break through and he might tell you the reason behind his behavior. Sure, a lot of times it’s just irresponsible teenage “fun” but often this acting out could be hiding depression or some other problem in his life. It may be that he’s looking for attention from you and your parents. Reach out to him, but don’t force yourself on him. If he doesn’t want to talk, leave him alone for then, but bring it up again another day until you wear him down. But beyond that, it’s up to your parents to discipline him.

((((Hugs!)))

[wiseleyd]

Your parents need to join a group like Al anon. If your brother is drinking and driving that much, there is a problem and parents never want to admit that there is a problem! Don’t let him use your car. Period. Just hang on until you can graduate, get a good job, and move out. Luckily, your parents were harder on you and you have an incredibly bright future. As a high school teacher, I know how tough AP/Honors curriculum can be and it takes a great deal of discipline to complete those classes. (My son is also taking AP Spanish 4/5 and it is sooo hard) What is your major now?

[bunnytowne]

i was gona mention al anon too

i used to go.    gave me the courage to do things for myself  to realize I can’t control others and to help myself not the drunk

by the way…my son was shoplifting i knew it talked to him about it to avail     he went to jail several times.    drugs alcohol the whole bit.   he stole his dads truck several times got caught 2x by police     robbes houses    broke into his bros house stole the bosses truck     wrecked a security gate     got away with it     he started this at age 12

we tried everything     jail tour counseling     outward bound to no avail

finally w/his last aRREST THE JUDGE SENT him to    bridges of america program     something finally worked     he hasnt been in trouble in 2 years      b4 he would get arrested every holiday     bwas weird xmas   bday  mums day  dADS DAY    etc he was in jail   

we punished spanked grounded etc  nothing helped      i can understand ur parents being tired n frustrated    

i agree w/u about him getting a car he wants          seems ur mum is an enabler        when i was 17   i got into bars got drunk  etc  my Mum knew it but she too was frustrated me bipoler  undiagnosed at that time  my stepfather also bipolar untreated  my Mum going thru school for nursing.    She told me one day  I can’t stop you but if you get caught don’t call me from jail to get you out

I can empathize with you  seeing your mother more of an enabler.  Al Anon may help you take care of you and your parents take care of themselves and not enabling.    All of you probably don’t have the time for those meeting stuff but an hour a week maybe.  If you do decide to go give me 3 or 4 times b4 giving up on it.   YOu can find it when you call AA  

But yeah he should n’t get a good car he can just wreck the one he likes as well as the one he hates.  Hang in there.  IN the future if you ever need a loan from your parents or a co sign  they will trust you.   Not so much your brother.

[MimzMum]

I couldn’t agree with mellowzmom more. I was going to post something like this, but came back to the thread too late.
Your brother also needs to get some help before he hurts himself or someone else. But if trying to talk to him or your folks produces no results and only causes more stress, then a third party needs to step in. Maybe if your folks go to Al-Anon, he will go into a 12 step program and get shod of this habit. Sometimes it’s the parents’ influence that causes a kid to take a wrong turn and sometimes it’s not. Sometimes a child cannot be directed and it takes experience to drive the wildness out of them. Or a really good professional.
My husband’s brother was out of control like this, and his mom pretty much bailed him out of every problem he ever had, bought him cars and stuff. However, now he’s in his early 40’s and has a wife, three kids and a high paying job. Don’t ask me what turned him…but I do wonder if it had something to do with meeting the love of his life. Since this may be a ways off for your brother, he should have intercession in the interim.

I think you should concentrate on graduating and getting up and out, like everyone has said. Keep yourself as sane as possible.

And yes, central CA is terribly hot and miserable to be in, but it can be cheap. Although my birth mom lives in a mobile home community for the elderly and she is rapidly losing the ability to pay for her home. The influx of people from out of state or the two big cities (SF & LA) is clogging the interior and driving up prices.
We were in the Bay Area, but this was one reason we pulled up stakes and left for Alaska…it was just too expensive.

[Monkeybun]

This apartment is one of the larger ones.. the one we were in that the car smashed into was only 850 a month… gotta remember too.. we have a pool, hot tub, weight room, and all apartments have washers and dryers in em too

I think I just want all the BB people to move to my neighborhood so I can see their bunnies, and have something in common with people nearby lol.

[jerseygirl]

I’m kinda bummed the cop didn’t do more. Isn’t legal drinking age in the States 21? Here it is 18. You can get your license at 16 1/2 yrs but you cannot drink while on probationary plates (2years I think). If you get caught with any evidence of alcohol on the breath it’s immediate loss of license.

It must be a frustrating time for parents. You might be assured your child won’t drink but never know when they jump in a car with a drunk driver. I hope they haven’t got their head in the sand about the drinking. I know young guys (and girls) binge drink and parents only have a certain level of control, but they must try safeguard surely.

[Lintini]

Well from what I was told he wasn’t drunk but he did have beer that night. Still illegal until he is 21.

Yeah he got really lucky…it’s too bad the cop didn’t give him more trouble about it. I am so glad he was alright and I don’t want him to be so stupid anymore. This all goes to prove why boys car insurance is so much more than girls.

[Kokaneeandkahlua]

TBH I think you have to stick it out. Yes, what you can afford, it might be tough area. I grew up handed everything on a silver platter including a brand new car paid for before I drove it off the lot; I had horses to ride, boats to sail and planes to fly. I lived in the very best neighborhoods. My school was paid for without a blink. And when it was time to get my but out of the house and make it on my own their were no excuses I did it, I lived downtown to the dismay of my parents (I assured them it was safe as the police were always there lol) Sorry I get growing up posh-I don’t get it as an exuse to not grow So it might be tough but do it. I get growing up with stuff and then having to strike out as a person on your own without that stuff. That’s a good thing, hun, not a bad thing. It makes you who you are.

ANd i totally get your anger at him being given more slack then you were given. My brother was the same way! No matter what I told and proved to my parents-he was given slack. HAd they thought I was drinking early I’d have been in big poop but not him. You have to realize it’s you and not him.
Your brother needs to learn his own lessons-don’t worry about him. He’ll do it.  He’ll be fine, and so will you.

[Lintini]

Thanks KK <3 I know you are right, all of you are. I just gotta brush it off, help what I can help and be there for him when he needs me and help guide him if he wants it.

[Kokaneeandkahlua]

Seriously I’m still in that position. I wanted to get him in BIG poop!!! He is doing awesome (chef, running four resturaunts, big resturaunts owned by hockey players) but I still would squash him like a bug lol My ‘rents would buy him his resturaunt if he’d lose the girl he’s with but he won’t so you know-we all make our own decisions.

My dad said to me once ‘do you remember when you were born, and I promised you life would be fair?’ And I was like ‘no’ (idiot srsly-I’d remember that? :rofl: ) and he was like ‘yeah that’s because life isn’t fair” -so lesson there. Life isn’t fair. Let your brother get the easier end of the stick because he got the bad end of the stick at other times-as a big sis-trust me he did

[Lintini]

You are right, he’s been constantly compared to be growing up, expected to get A’s in all classes and pretty much forced into music. He’s revolting. He’s been revolting on my parents since highschool because he was expected to be just like me and he isn’t.

Don’t get me wrong guys, I love my brother and I’ll stick up for him even when he’s wrong and I’ll always be there for him but ughhhh I wish he didn’t drink with his friends and hurt my parents financially by ruining that car. Sigh,

[Kokaneeandkahlua]

Totally I love my bro and am SO proud of him. AT the same point so po’d at him for some stuff lol My bro was/is the same-he seriously banged up their cars all the time-and they bought him a new one! He crashed his motorcycle so they bought him a new one. He broke his bike so he got a new one. I’ll never get parents but you know

Anyways-he’s your bro like my bro is mine and eventually he’ll be your only family. Love him, forgive him-he’s all you have.

[jerseygirl]

 

I had horses to ride, boats to sail and planes to fly…

 

K&K, who ARE you?!   I’m gonna have to pull up that Celebraties who have Bunnies list.

But great advice, so true. Lin, re-reading your first post I realised that that type of accident could have happened to anyone really. Day or night, alcohol or not. I’m not condoning his actions of course, just saying stepping on the brakes to avoid hitting an animal is very likely a common cause of a prang.  I’ve told this before but when I was 18 I was on my P plates, Dad allowed me to do some driving on an interstate trip. So on board, I had my parents and younger siblings all in a van & I stepped on the brake when a dog ran across the road.  Nothing happened but Dad calmly told me just after what not to do and what can happen. I was a bit shaken and when I think about what could have happened…

[Lintini]

You made you smile KK. My papa has a sailboat and a varga airplane and it’s been such an amazing childhood —I’d like to mention he was over here today with my grandma (mother’s side) and he was on my floor on his knee’s playing with my little BubleeBee. He thought she was the cutest thing he has ever seen!!   Anyways.. Lot’s of people can’t do that (make me smile)   these days since my grandma’s passing (dad’s side) but you guys are really kind and I can’t thank any of you all enough. Those smiles bring tears but they are happy. Thank you

[Moonlight_Wolf]

The youngest child always seems to have it the best, since they grew up as the “baby” of the family.

Mwahaha that’s me!

But I can definitely sympathize with having a immature, irresponsible sibling. My sister is very disorganized and irresponsible and she is 2 years older than me. As Sarita says, I do want to just slap her sometimes!

I am sorry about your brother, I think that maybe your parents are more lenient with him because is is the more immature one and they have lower standards for him than they do for you. Thats what happens in our family. If my sister leaves things lying around noone tells her to clean it up, but if I do then I have to clean it up. I actually found it kind of amusing because my sister is so unhelpful that when my dad came home with groceries, he called me from upstairs to come help him put the stuff away, while my sister was downstairs and he did not ask her because he knew she would not help.

But I find that overall my parents are good at not judging us compared to the other one. Like for example my sister is smarter than me (sad fact) but my parents never say, “Your sister did this so why can’t you?”

I hope that your brother gets sorted out, and I think that you should just bear with him so that you can continue to get your parents support.

[bunnytowne]

My bro was 10 years older n me.    HE would say  if that were him (at something I did)  that he would  get slapped for that.   To me he seemed so perfect. 

Funny thing I envied him.   He said he had envied me.    I never would have thought.  he would envy me.   He was the responsible one me the trouble maker.  Irresponsible til I turned what  30 ? 

Hang in there Lintini owner  you will be ok.   Sometimes you just want to beat your head or soemone elses in this case into the wall.

[Deleted User]

Lintini, parents tend to go easier on sons than on daughters, it is just a fact. Breaking the rules like some brothers get away with — is far less acceptable for a girl. I bet your parents expect a lot from you because they know they can count on you They probably get upset with you bringing home pets because they know you have a future playing the french horn and may have to travel, I’m guessing.

[Kokaneeandkahlua]

K&K, who ARE you?! I’m gonna have to pull up that Celebraties who have Bunnies list.

LOL No one :p Seriously I do get to teach my dog to ride in a private plane but I do pay for my own groceries I did get to land a plane the first time I flew one -I totally brag but I was pooping my pants lol And we live in Alberta now with just one boat- because you can’t use them lol

You made you smile KK. My papa has a sailboat and a varga airplane and it’s been such an amazing childhood —I’d like to mention he was over here today with my grandma (mother’s side) and he was on my floor on his knee’s playing with my little BubleeBee. He thought she was the cutest thing he has ever seen!! Anyways.. Lot’s of people can’t do that (make me smile) these days since my grandma’s passing (dad’s side) but you guys are really kind and I can’t thank any of you all enough. Those smiles bring tears but they are happy. Thank you

I’m glad hun *hugs*

[CharleyGirl]

I’m not trying to stand up for your brother but is there something wrong with him? Like any trauma that recently happened? That might be his way of dealing with it. If that’s the case then I completly understand what his doing. If not then he sounds like his doing the typical teenage rebal. Don’t worry something will happen soon & he WILL stop. Just hang in there hun

[LucyTwoBunz]

I just hope he “gets it” before he hurts or KILLS someone else!  These days, you will most likely go to jail for at the least, manslaughter.  It bothers me BIG TIME when people put others in danger for selfish and inmature reasons.  You should focus on yourself and be proud of who you are and what you have achieved.  Congrats!  Sure hope things get better for you soon…

[Lintini]

They found a car for him. It’s 1 year newer than mine. *rolls eyes* My dad being the Jewish man he is tried to talk the person down too much and he probably insulted the seller so I’m laughing inside if he doesn’t sell it to my family haha.

[Cassi&Charlie]

My brother is a snot and I get cross at him all the time. The thing is though, he never went to school after yr 9, never did well, didn’t learn a trade etc so now at 21 he has no job, no ability to get a decent, secure job, and no life. He still lives with my parents, can’t rent a place cause he trashed the last one he rented, he’s just a social failure.
Where he came form no-one knows! My sister and I are both at uni, living out of home, earning a living (sort of…I’m unemployed atm but I have savings) and doing well in life.
My theory is that he was handed everything he ever wanted cause by the time he was growing up, my family had a bit more money, but it hasn’t helped him a bit. He’s incapable of taking care of himself now and it’s very bad for his future prospects.
Also…when ever I think of how jealous I was cause he got to live the good life before…I think to myself “who’s living the good life now…me!”
Don’t get me wrong, I love my brother but he was a snot growing up and he’s a snot now and I don’t like him. I’m a bad person…oh well 🙂

[Author]

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